The closer it gets, the more it sinks in.  And I kinda have mixed feeling about it all.  With almost every transition I've had, I wanted to stay where I was.  I wanted to go to more dances in high school, spend more time in show choir etc.  But this time I feel like I'm ready to leave.  Before this semester I really wanted to stay, but the things that made it fun just aren't the same anymore.  This is the first time I've really felt like that.

 

But it's also the first time that I don't really know what I'm going to do once I've made the change.  Every other time I knew what I was going to do.  I would go to this school.  Take these classes.  But now it's completely open ended.  I know I want to get a job, but I'm not sure what kind of job I want to get.  Right now I just want a paycheck.  I have places I want to go.  People I want to visit.  But I can't do that without money (plane tickets aren't cheep).

 

It just feels so surreal, you know.  It's finally happening and once it does, I'll be standing there like now what?

dat feel is very real and very common. When you're a student, things are pretty straightforward. Then college ends and it's no longer classes that get you out of bed in the morning --  you get to decide on your own what it'll be. It's like an eternal vacation except you're not supposed to be vacationing. This driftlessness can get freaky, but when you figure out what to do, it's pretty empowering. It's a sucky feeling to know that you should be doing something, but not knowing what to do. It's like, I'll finish studying this book, shit what now?! Then I decide on the next step. Okay, I'll take practice tests now. And I feel better.

I understand that feeling! I'm graduating this year too, and I thought that I was going to be bombarded with regrets, but I am pleasantly surprised that it isn't the case!  I guess after 13 years of normal school, I'm finally ready to be rid of it!!  The future is always full of surprises, and it is a complicated and nerve-racking thing to arrive at.  I don't know what you might plan to do, but whatever life and your future brings, I wish you the best of luck!!!