Hey guys, it's me again. I just have a message to share with you all.

Don't get freaked out by the title- but I'm okay. Well, not really. Let me explain;

I was not doing well. At all. I'm much better now though so don't worry! If you've read the last thread I made on this topic they you probably have an idea of what's wrong.

 

If you don't, then I'll explain it very briefly and simply. Back in September, I saw something really bad. There's other words that can easily explain the how bad, but I'd rather just stick to bad. I don't want to get into it, and I don't want to think about it. If you really want to know again look at the thread I made on here last about something that's ruining my life.

 

Onto next things- as a result, I have not been able to move on from it very well, and the fact that I suffer from bad anxiety doesn't help anyway. I've suffered three severe panic attacks three days in a row at work- which the severity of the panic attacks I never experienced before. I've experienced something similar before, but nowhere near what I've experienced back in September. It's a really bad firetrucking feeling.

 

Trying to not go off on a ramble now, since then I've been very scared, confused, and overall startled and or freaked out. What really scared me is what I can't get over and the panic attacks I've experienced. It put me through a really bad emotional state (which is way better now thankfully) and again- the experience is unlike any other. It doesn't help that I also experience my regular anxiety and overthinking on completely irrelevant things. And I'm just going to say this; Suicide is a feeling.

 

I've experienced it back when it first happened. Suicide is not a thought. It's not where you just think that you want to die. No. It's a feeling. Again, don't freak out, I AM OKAY. Shaky, but okay. I have my ups and downs. But the feeling is really firetrucking scary. I would explain how it feels, but I don't want to make anyone upset. All I have to say is- you will know if you encountered this feeling. And if you do- please get help.

 

Me, as of right now I am taking steps to help myself feel better. What I just wanted to say was, please for the love of this Earth, please take care of yourself. So many people suffer from depression, or anxiety, or whatever it may be. And so many people just hold it inside and don't bother to get help because they believe they can just get over it. Sure, some can. But is it really worth the risk to wait and see what point it could get to? No. Any kind of mental illness is like cancer; you have to find it, and treat it early. If you know if there is something really wrong, don't just put it to the side. There's only a matter of time before it turns into something unbearable. Please don't let it get to that point. You don't need to let it get to that point. It's not a pleasant point to be at. I know any sort of counseling or treatment sounds stupid to most people, but please don't put it to the side if you know you need it, or may need it.

 

At the end of the day, you have to take care of yourself. Yes, there is other people who love you and wish to take care of you, but at the end of the day YOU have to take care of yourself and YOU have to help yourself. It's like food- you may buy yourself a meal. Or other people will buy you a meal. Parents, friends, loved ones in general- they could buy you a meal. But at the end of the day YOU are the one who is eating that meal. YOU are the one who is digesting it. YOU are the one who has to take care of yourself at the end of the like. If you don't, then that's it.

 

I'm not saying if you feel sad one day you need to get therapy. No. I'm saying that if you feel like there is something wrong with your mental health in any way, please do not just ignore it. Such a thing could grow. And again- I don't want to scare you. But I'm serious. Especially if you've experienced that feeling of suicide. Trust me, you will KNOW if you experienced that feeling. If you did, then PLEASE do not just wait for it to go away. Please go get help. Any sort of positive help. Be it help from a doctor, counseling, therapy, hell, even hypnotherapy. There's so many different kinds of treatment out there now so pick whichever one works for you and makes you happy. If anything, start off with a little chat with your doctor. Pick someone you trust. Someone you like. Remember, getting help and treatment to feel better starts with YOU.

 

If what I'm saying here applies to you, first of all I have to say I'm very sorry to hear that life hasn't been going well for you. We all have our problems, our issues. Things that cripple us inside. I hope that if you do need some sort of help or assistance, you take it. If not, then I hope all the same that you are able to overcome it. I wish I could just jump out of your screen to give you a big hug but I can't. Wither you search for help or not, or if you can't even get help due to a situation that you're in, my advise to you is to hold on. Life is a roller coaster. A roller coaster that is your world. The only thing you have to do is hold on with all your might and make it. If you let go... Then the world looses a really beautiful person. Yes, life may suck now. Life may appear to be a giant sack of wet poop. But that's not what it's going to be forever. What is happening right now, it'll pass. Sure, maybe other things will come along but it'll pass too. You'll meet new people. People who will love you and want to be with you every step of the way. You will meet your significant other- your soulmate. Or perhaps a best friend. Maybe even a parent. Or even your future child. The future can be so bright. You're digging a tunnel and you're so close to reach a vein of diamonds. Do you really want to give up when you're literally only a few inches away form those diamonds? All you have to do is just hold on with all the strength that you have. Just hold on and soon, you will meet your future soulmate. You will meet a parent. Or a best friend. Or your future child, even. Even your fellow friends on KH13! KH3 is coming out soon. That's going to be so much awesome memories to make with the people you love. Please don't throw all that away. Please hold on.

Edited December 10, 20159 yr by Aqua7KH

Thanks for the advice. Back in July, I had the same feeling too. Let me explain and I hope anyone on here do not get angry or upset for saying this.

 

 

Back in July, I was simply taking clothes in the dryer and putting it in the basket until I noticed something within my clothes. It was my cat "Skips". He must have jumped in the dryer while I was putting the clothes in there. I was terrified because I killed my cat and I'm going to hell for causing a sin. Worrying that my Mother is going to find out about this, I grabbed the body and hid it in my broken down garage. (Nobody uses it anymore)

After a couple days, I been depressed and suicidal. I was upset that I killed the only pet who really loved me and sleep on my bed every day/night. On the 24th I tried to kill myself by choking myself. However, I was unsuccessful and gave up. Luckily, there was something about depression medication on some health magazine. After talking it for a few months, I feel sorta better and more happy. But nevertheless, I still feel sad for Skips.

 

......

 

But thank you again for the advice.

Thanks for the advice. Back in July, I had the same feeling too. Let me explain and I hope anyone on here do not get angry or upset for saying this. Back in July, I was simply taking clothes in the dryer and putting it in the basket until I noticed something within my clothes. It was my cat "Skips". He must have jumped in the dryer while I was putting the clothes in there. I was terrified because I killed my cat and I'm going to hell for causing a sin. Worrying that my Mother is going to find out about this, I grabbed the body and hid it in my broken down garage. (Nobody uses it anymore) After a couple days, I been depressed and suicidal. I was upset that I killed the only pet who really loved me and sleep on my bed every day/night. On the 24th I tried to kill myself by choking myself. However, I was unsuccessful and gave up. Luckily, there was something about depression medication on some health magazine. After talking it for a few months, I feel sorta better and more happy. But nevertheless, I still feel sad for Skips.......But thank you again for the advice.

I'm very sorry to hear that. But just know that it was an accident and it's not your fault okay? I know other people must have said the same thing, but it's true. It's such a bad feeling to have a kind of burden like that on your shoulders, and such an experience lasts for a long time, but just know that you aren't going to Hell for that and you are still a good person.

Stay strong, Aqua. I'll be praying for you.

Well said, Aqua.

Even if I do not know you all too well, I'm tellin' ya' to stay strong! We care about you and everyone else here on this website. Don't forget that! There's nothing to be afraid of. We'll be there!

You're a great person and a friend!

This is a great message and idk if anyone here is the praying type or believes in prayer, but I will pray for you all and remember that no matter how bad the storm may seem just remember that it WILL PASS. I'm going through my own struggles with unemployment and I gained a lot of weight eating out of depression, but I realized that wasn't the answer, so now I'm making life changes and thinking positive. I realized there's no point in stressing over something I have no control over (like someone deciding to hire me) yes it still sucks, but I just take it as there is something better for me. If you have the time go look at the poem "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley and for anyone feeling suicidal please call the suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255 (I believe it's confidential). Suicide is NEVER the answer and it doesn't solve anything, but creates more problems for those who cared for you. And if you think no one cares for you or no one knows what you're going through then you're wrong, I promise you someone can relate to your situation and can help you. You all are awesome people and I'm glad to be a part of this wonderful group. May peace always be with you.

before I was finally accepted into a university and had a ton of downtime, I usually patrolled the forums and monitored posts that were depression/mentally problematic in content. Kind words and letting the other person know that there's someone out there who can empathize/sympathize/actually care about them can do wonders.

 

Did I miss something back in September? I was too busy struggling to survive classes to really help other members like I used to...

before I was finally accepted into a university and had a ton of downtime, I usually patrolled the forums and monitored posts that were depression/mentally problematic in content. Kind words and letting the other person know that there's someone out there who can empathize/sympathize/actually care about them can do wonders.Did I miss something back in September? I was too busy struggling to survive classes to really help other members like I used to...

It's a loooooong story. If you really want to know look at the last thread I made in this section of the site. It involves the words "Ruining my life" in the title.