Chapter one:My dad become's blue

This story is about thing's that happened to my sister and me and if you read any thing that you seen thing stop reading and close the book.My name is Seth and live in a suitcase.What i mean about that is that me and my father travel alot.My mother died when i was 8 year's and my sister was 6 year's old at the time.When i ask my father how my mom's death he just change's the subject.Okay he's the story.

I was in a taxi with my father.He was holding his suitcase really hard.''Dad what's wrong?''i asked.He didn't talk until we got to my grand parent's house.My grandparent's hate my Dad's gut's.They think that he was the one who killed my mother.My sister live's with them in Frace.She opened the door and said Goodbye to our grandparent's.My sister's name is laura.When we got to the taxi my dad got out and told us to back up and we did.After we got to the musem for some reason the taxi blew up and my dad told us to get inside and when we did a man was there waiting for us.''good evening Dr.Shaw glad you can make it''said the man.We looked at the man and he looked stange.we walked in the geek hall and saw a statue of Zeus.When the man left our dad told us to get out of the hall.When we did we saw a blue light and when we looked at there was a blue triangle around him.

this end's chatper 1 hope you like it

Too many things happened in too little time, not enough description, and reading this just gave me a "Grammar Slam".

 

Try to work on more descriptiveness and better grammar so more people can understand your story. It seems interesting..I just can't understand a lot of it.

It is very interesting.Please write more.

agree with sk3...but it seems very interesting

Chatper 2:A titan rise's

When me and my sister saw the triangle Father said something that was stange and it was in geek.After he talked in geek a few hellhound's came out.they started to attack our father.I came in the hall and kicked some off of him.''Leave my dad alone''i said.''Seth you can see these monster's''Asked my father.''Yeah i can see them so can Larua''i said.Soon after we talked a coffin appered below my father.The coffin had geek on it and was black.My father was saying something in geek.After he said it a dark huge shadow came out of the ground.''I'M FREE''yelled the shadow.My father was trying to get out of the coffin,but he couldn't.''Kronos how dare you come out i tryed to get my wife back you monster''said Our father.''To bad that i came instead now go in the underworld for year's''said Kronos.I saw the man take my father below and there was a hole in the ground.I was passing out and my father and the ginat was gone.The last thing i saw before i passed out is that the police was comeing.

 

Hope you like this chapter

that chapter is excellent

Nice.Please write more.

except i think geek is missing the "r" lol

Thanks for the tip i forgot the r thank's man

keep up the stories

Chaoter 3:i get a sword and my sister get's a bow

I woke up in my grandparent's house and i heard them talking to the police.I saw my sister next to me who was looking at her necklace which our father gave her.''Hey what do you think they will do to us''i said.My sister didn't answer.The talking stop and the police came in.''WHERE IS IT''said the policemen who was on the right.''What are you talking abou.''i said.After i said that the policemen grew wing's from there backs and merge with eachother.It was a dragon warrior.I heard father taling about them all the time.The dragon attack me and blew the ceiling off.After that me and my sister's neclkace's started to change shape.My turned into a sword and my sister's turned into a bow and arrow.The moster attacked with fire ball's.We dodge them and my sister shot a bow and it hited it in the head.I then saw a opening and attacked dragon and which it kill it.Our grandparents walked in and then me and my sister left.

 

hope you like it

very nice...but ur grammar still needs work...but its gettin better =D

This is getting exiting,Please,more!

Chapter 4:We see a goat

Me and Larura were running though the shreets of France.The police were after us.''What are we going to do seth''Asked Larua.I was thinking what we are going to do now.We ran to the landmark of France.''Come larua up here''.I said as we ran up the tower.When we got on top 7 policemen were up there already.''Dang looks like were going to jail.''Larua said.''GIVE US THE LIGHTINING BOLT AND WE WILL SPARE YOU''said The police.We touch our necklance's and we got our weapons out.The policemen were coming together into a ginat dragon.''ITS A HYRDA''yelled Larua.I was wondering how she knew what it was.The Hyrda had seven head's.The monster blew up the tower.We were taking cover behind some ruin's.We thought that we were going to die.Then music started to play and roots with fire and stopped the monster.''Quick shoot the heads all at once Larua''said somebody.Larua shot all her arrow's at the head's and then it disapper.A man halve goat boy came down.''Come with you two''said the boy.

You took the idea of the Red Pyramid and the Lightning Theif and changed it a teensy bit. You should probably give Rick Riordan credit in here somewhere instead of claiming it solely as your own

 

There is room for improvement with the spelling and grammer. For instance, you only put the " ' " between a letter and 's' if it's talking possessively. Proper example: Sally's, takes. Improper example: Sallys, take's.

i still think its a great story...its liek the lgihtning thief...but its stil diferent.

I have 4 complaints. 1. You're pretty much copying the Lightening Thief 2. You didn't ever give Rick Riordan credit 3. Work on your grammar. 4. Work on your spelling

All credit goes to Rick Riordan