Intro:

Sora, Riku, And Kairi sit at the island until a letter came telling Sora he needs to connect people's hearts to his. Now Sora and Riku start to get ready for the quest they'll never forget. One day, When they were ready to set out. Mickey. Donald, And Goofy came asking for Sora and Riku to come with them. They all then went to Yen Sid's tower. There Riku and Sora were told they had to take a mark of mastey test.

 

Chapter I

Sora

'' A mark of mastey test?'' Asked Sora as he nevered heard of it before.

' The mark of mastey test is what young keybladers like youshelfs take to see if they are worthy of being keyblade masters.''said Mickey as he was telling them.

'' Master Yen Sid. Why do me and Sora have to tak this test.''asked Riku.

'' We need to see who's a real master. You see as Mickey told you. Their were three keybladers 11 years ago. Ventus, Terra, And Aqua. Among those three. Aqua was the only one who became one. Now I need you two to take it. My is different.''said Yen Sid.

'' What do you mean ' Yours' ''questioned Sora.

'' My will have you fight a Twilight Thron.''

'' Wait. Is that like a nobody.'' asked Sora. Sora then put his hands on his head. Roxas's memory in the fake Twilight Town showed him what it was.

'' Now go. Sora, Riku. I'll see you two when you come back.''said Yen Sid as he sented Riku and Sora to a different world.

 

Sora landed in Travese Town.'' Hey I rememeber this world. It was my first world I came to.''said Sora as he started walking around. Sora walked around the town until he saw the Twilight Thron.'' I guess that's the thing Yen Sid was talking about.'' said Sora as he got out his kingdom key. The Twilight Thron attacked Sora. Sora dodged most of the attacks.'' Man. This thing is tough.''said Sora. Then it lanch another attack. Sora then put away his kingdom key and bought oathkeeper and oblivion. Sora then saw that he was holding two. He hasn't held two keyblades since he used Riku's to defeat Xemnas. He dodged another attack and then slashed a X on the nobody. The thron was then defeated. Sora then disappeared and went back to Yen Sid's tower.

 

Sora appeared back in the tower. He saw Riku by him.

'' Sora. Riku defeated his like it was nothing.''said Mickey.

'' Now. Its time for the final part of the test. You two must fight each other.''said Yen Sid as Riku and Sora were then shock.

hey man nice liking the story so far

Chapter II

Riku

After Yen Sid told Riku and Sora about the test/ Riku appeared in Twilight Town.

'' Now where is that Twilight Thron.''said Riku as he bought out his way to dawn and started walking in the town. Riku then stop senseing something. The nobody then appeared behind Riku. It lanched a attack, But Riku dodge the attack. Riku tryed to get up, But the nobody lanched another attack. Riku blocked it with a dark sheild. Riku then destoryed the sheild with dark aura. The nobodys body then disappeared when it was hit. Riku then disappeared and went back to Yen Sid's tower.

 

Riku then was standing.

''Good. Riku there's a reason why Yen Sid needs to do this.''said Mickey.

''Why is that?''asked Riku.

'' He is returning. After Sora destoryed his heartless and his nobody. His whole is now returning, But he isn't alone.''said Yen Sid.'' Great. Now he's returning. I never thought he would.''said Riku as he saw Sora appear.'' Good. Now its time for the final part of the exam. You two must fight each other.''said Yen Sid. Riku and Sora were shocked when they heard that.

There are quite a few spelling and grammar errors in this piece. >; For instance:

'' A mark of mastey test?'' Asked Sora as he nevered heard of it before.

This should be something like:

"A Mark of Mastery test?" Asked Sora, as he had never heard of it before.

It'd also help to drop off a few words.

 

Other than that, though, the plot I've seen before. I think you may be able to steer it away from what usually happens, though. Not bad, otherwise~ ;3

Chapter III

Sora

Sora looked at Riku.

'' So me and Riku have to duel each other.''asked Sora.

'' Yes. Now. Lets see who'll become master out of the two of you.''said Yen Sid.

Sora and Riku bought out their keyblades. They then clashed blades. Riku back away and fired a dark aura. Sora block it with his kingdom key. He then rush to Riku. Riku blocked the attack. Sora back away and fired a keyblade beam. Riku tryed to block it, But was then push though the wall of the tower. He landed on the ground. Sora jumped out of the hole and landed in front of Riku.

 

Sora looked at Riku.

'' It seems you got stronger then me Sora.''said Riku.

'' Yeah. It seems that way. Lets finished this little fight.''said Sora as he and Riku clasged blades again.

-Few minutes later-

Sora and Riku were standing in front of Yen Sid.

'' You two did well, But I have to say. Riku. Your the keyblade master out of the both of you.''said Yen Sid

Sora then was shocked by waht he heared.

Another good story terraxaqua34 lol! All of your stories are the best! I hope you keep writing more.

I... LOVE....... THIS :D :D

There are a few flaws. You're resuming it way too much. A good story has very detailed backgrounds once in a while, and you should say what emotions the characters have, but the story is pretty nice.

Chapter IV

Riku

Riku heard what Yen Sid said. Sora then left the room.

'' Sora.'' said Riku as he was worried.

'' Riku. You being a master is a great honor. Now go. Mickey will take you to your first world. Your mission is to find any clues regarding 'his' return.''said Yen Sid as he summoned Riku's keyblade. He then changed it. It had a heart as a keychain. It had a sharp end to it. A wing shaped holder.'' This is your new keyblade. Its called 'heart of the worlds'.''said Yen Sid. Riku grabbed the keyblade and it then transformed into a keyblade rider.'' Thats another way to travel the worlds. Now lets go.''said Mickey as he grabbed his star shard and left. Riku then went outside the hole and went into the sky heading to another world.

Donald and Goofy stayed in the room.'' Lets go Goofy. We need to check on Sora.''said Donald as he and Goofy left the room.

Yen Sid then got up then a dark portal opened.. A man in a black coat came out.'' Hello. Who are you?''asked Yen Sid. The man then bought out blue draggers.'' Where's Sora?''asked the man.'' I'm not telling you.''said Yen Sid as he removed his robe. He had a kinght suit on. It was blue and had stars on it. He then bought out star seeker.'' Fine. After I'm done with you. Sora's next.''said the man in the coat as he rushed to Yen Sid.

sweet, plaese write more

Chapter V

Sora

Sora was sitting on the steps outside of the tower. He had his keyblade in the ground.

'' I'm not a keyblader. I was never one.''said Sora. Donald and Goofy came outside and saw Sora. Donald saw Sora. They sat next to him.

'' Hey. Cheer up Sora. Remeber always simle.''said Donald as he was trying to cheer him up.'' How can i simle if I'm not a master?''asked Sora.

'' That may be true Sora, But your our friend and we can't sit by and see you sad.''said Goofy.'' Whats the point of trying.''said Sora.'' You defeat Ansem, Defeated Xemnas and the organzation. You should be proud.''said Donald.'' I know. Its just that now Riku's stronger. There's no way i can beat him.''said Sora. They then heard a boom from the tower. The man with the draggers was there.

'' Sora. You need to die to stop the second keyblade war.''said the man.

'' What do you mean?''asked Sora as he grabbed his keyblade from the ground ready to fight.

'' Put your blade down. There's no way you can't beat a man you know.''said the man.

'' Why?''asked Sora.

'' Because I'm you from the future.''said the man.

Sora was shocked.

Awsome story.This chapter really took quite the spin.I like it.Please keep it up.

Chapter VI

Riku

Mickey was waiting for Riku in Hollow Bastion.

'' Where are you?''asked Mickey as he was talking to himshelf.

Riku was riding to Hollow Bastion until he was pulled into the keyblade graveyard. Riku crashed landed there. He got up and had his keyblade return to normal.'' Where i'm I''asked Riku.

'' Your at the site of the first keyblade war.''said A man with silver hair, but looked young.'' Who are you? Wait. Your that guy from when i was little.''said Riku.'' I'm not Terra. You just see me in his image. I'm Xehanort. ''said Xehanort.'' Wait I thought you were dead?''asked Riku.'' I was. When you killed Ansem and Xemnas. I was reformed. Now my true plan can start.''said Xehanort as he bought out his keyblade.

Well, I hope you're ready for some crit. This story isn't bad, but it could be improved.

 

Spelling and grammar: Spelling and grammar are key to a great story. It's easier for readers to understand, and suddenly it seems so much more professional. It only takes a few extra seconds, and, honestly, it's not that difficult. :// I'm not the only one who often uses their phone when posting, and yet our spelling and grammar is quite decent, hard as it is to type on ampulla rather than keyboard.

 

Plot: I won't claim to be a professional in this area, but this story is wayyy to rushed, and you're just flying from one thing to the next. You need to slow down, and take some time to give a real perspective. A lot of this story is just "telling what's happening". Your characters' feelings and thoughts need to be expressed more clearly.

 

The characters: As I mentioned above, there needs to be more portrayal of the characters' thoughts, emotions, ect. You've described what's physically happening to them, but they're not just robots. Feelings are not always expressed just through the words your characters speak. You have to give the perspective of their minds.

 

Description: Description is critical to an amazing story. Yes, we're all Kingdom Hearts fans, so we know how the characters and the worlds appear. Regardless, you should still be thoroughly describing them. Maybe you can see it in a way no one else has. You need some more description and detail, all that's mentioned above, and you'll do great. (:

Chapter VII

Sora

Sora thought it wasn't real.

'' There's no way that you can be me.''said Sora as he was making sure the guy was wrong.

'' I am you. I can't tell you what happens to you in the future, But its bad. You must stop Riku from making the bad choice.''said the man as he started to fade away. Sora looked at Donald and Goofy.'' We got to get to Riku and fast.''said Sora as he was really wanted to save Riku.

'' Wait.''said Yen Sid as he walked out of the tower to where Sora was.

'Yes master.'' said Sora as he bowed.

'' You must go to the river where you and Riku were after you defeated Xemnas. There you'll meet to people you know. Take the Gummi Ship and go. The way to go there is to go pass the world that never was.''said Yen Sid as he walked away.

''Wait. Who are the people I know?''asked Sora as he was worried.

'' Its a girl and a man.''said Yen Sid as he disappeared.

Sora,Donald,and Goofy got on the gummi ship and left the world heading to the realm of darkness.

You have to be kidding about that all that grammar and editing stuff. I like the way it is its awesome to me. You always know who to put a shock into your stories.

Chapter VIII

Riku

Riku looked at Xehanort. Riku then heard a voice in his head telling him to run. Riku irgoned the voice and got into his battle stance. Riku looked around. They weren't around keyblades anymore. They were now on a high rock pillar. There Riku saw a suit. Xehanort then looked at the suit.'' It seems its still there. I must destory it.''said Xehanort as he bought out his keyblade and started walking towards it. Riku then felt something in his gut. It was the darkness he forgot.

'' Use the darkness. Its the only way.''said the voice. Riku became helpless as he was still watching Xehanort walking to the suit. Riku then did something that'll change him. He then rushed to Xehanort without even thinking.'' Xehanort. Leave that alone!''yelled Riku.

'' No stop. You can't win. RUN! There's no way you can beat him. RUN!''yelled the voice inside Riku's head. Xehanort then turned around. Xehanort then ran passed Riku. He as fast then when the gummi ship can go into hyperspace. Riku then spitted out blood. Riku was almost cut in half. Riku had fear in his eyes as he looked at Xehanort.'' You supid brat. Now you must die.''said Xehanort. Then at a flash of light. The suit was defending Riku.

'' I told you to run.''said the suit as he protected Riku.

'' Wait are you Terra?''asked Riku.

This is getting intense.Please write more.

Awesome chapter! It's really awesmazing

Awesome+Amazing= Awesmazing

The story is getting really good

Chapter XI

Sora

A woman was at a beach. She was sitting in front of the ocean. She liked looking at it. She had long blue hair,A black coat, Was wearing ear rings on her ears and had the sign of a keyblader on her belt. She got up. She looked in the air and saw nothing but clouds.'' Aqua. He's coming. I know he is.''said Ansem.'' Yes. I sense him. He has his heart in him as well. Sora. I can't wait to see you.''said Aqua.

 

Sora then opened his eye's. He felt werid sitting in a chair for about a few hours. Donald was dirveing the ship. Goofy was asleep as well.'' Sora. We'll reach the realm of darkness in 2 hours. Get more sleep.''said Donald.'' Nah. I had this dream that a girl was waiting for me. There was also another guy. I wonder if I'll get to stop Riku from making the bad choice.' I can't tell you what happens to you in the future,But it's bad. You must stop Riku from making the wrong choice.'said his future shelf. Sora then summoned his keyblade.'' The kingdom key. The keyblade of a master the voice said,But what can i do if I'm not a master.''said Sora. Then they heard some noises. They reached the realm of darkness.'' There it is. The realm of darkness.''said Donald.

Awsome!Please write more.

Again, all the points I mentioned before.

 

I really like this chapter, though. You're not rushing it, and it's a nice little lull. Well done. (:

I like it! It's really getting better and better. I like the part when you Aqua says she cant wait to see Sora. I wonder what the next chapter will be like.

Chapter X

Riku

Riku look at the suit. He felt something inside him he never felt before. Then light came in front of Riku. The suit changed. It wasn't a suit that a kinght wears. It was man. He long brown hair,Yellow and blue eyes,He also had the same clothes Riku saw a man wearing 10 years ago.'' T-terra. Is that you?''asked Riku as he looked at Terra. Terra turned around and looked at Riku.'' Yes Its me Riku. You saved me from my fall of darkness. Thank you. I still have darkness inside,But i can use it for good.''said Terra as he turned around and faced Xehanort.'' This is inhuman. No one can control darkness and light.''said Xehanort as he got ready for battle.'' Your right. It's inhuman for someone to control both. Lets just say I control Dawn.''said Terra.

 

Meanwhile Aqua was sitting at the beach with her hand on her heart.'' Sora please come. I want Ven back.''said Aqua as she was really calm. Then light appeared in her hand.'' This light. Terra. Your back. Soon me,You,And Ven will be back together.''said Aqua as she then saw a ship land in the ocean.

Cool, another good chapter terra34. Best story you have written so far.

Chapter XI

Sora

 

Sora was dirveubg the Gummi Ship until he hit some rough gravitiy. The Gummi Ship then started acting stange. He then saw an ocean. He then tryed his best to land it. Then with some luck, Sora got the ship landed on the ocean. Donald, Goofy, and Sora then got out and went to the land.

 

There they looked around and then saw Aqua in her coat. Aqua looked at Sora.'' Sora? Sora it really is you, You've grown so much. I am glad to see you.''said Aqua. Sora then looked at Aqua.'' Your Aqua.''said Sora. Then a light came out of Sora.'' What was that?''asked Sora as he looked at Aqua.'' That light. It was Ven's heart. You had Ven's heart inside you. Sora we need to go to the castle you met Namine at.''said Aqua.'' You mean the castle where i first fought the organzation?''asked Sora.'' Yes. There we can find Ven. Then we can find the other people that are linked to your heart.''said Aqua