October 14, 201114 yr The bartender replies "Sorry, but we don't serve particles faster than light." A Neutrino walks into a bar.
October 14, 201114 yr There is a man walking on the beach. On his walk, he finds a lamp, rubs it, and a genie comes out. "I will grant you 3 wishes" says the genie, "but whatever you wish for, your worst enemy will get double". The man, without thinking, says "I WISH FOR A BILLION DOLLARS!". A suitcase of money appears on the beach next to him. The genie starts "you know have 2 wi-" "I WANT A MANSION!" interrupts the man. Three mansions pop up on the hill. The man asks "Why did I get 3?" The genie replies "You did not, you got 1, and your ex-wife got 2." This made the man very upset. He paced the beach for a while. When he returned to the genie, he held a large stick, and he says to the genie "I wish you would beat me half to death with this stick."
October 14, 201114 yr There is a t-shirt saying: I DONT NEED S*X THE GOVERMENT F**KS ME EVERY DAY http://kh13.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.png
October 14, 201114 yr A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
October 14, 201114 yr A pirate walks into a bar with the steering wheel of a ship over his penis. The bar tender says "What the hell is that?" and the pirate responds "ARR, Its driving me nuts!"
October 21, 201114 yr A pirate walks into a bar with the steering wheel of a ship over his penis. The bar tender says "What the hell is that?" and the pirate responds "ARR, Its driving me nuts!" i... just... l...o...l...'d
October 22, 201114 yr Question: How many blondes does it take to put in a light bulb? Answer: 5000, 1 to hold the bulb and the rest to turn the house.
January 12, 201213 yr I saw a leather jacket in the store and thought "Hey, that cool" Then I saw a leather vest and thought "Not so cool" Then I realized, only the sleeves are cool
May 12, 201213 yr one of the shortest jokes in history: Man tries to fart but shits Edited May 12, 201213 yr by JailXun
May 12, 201213 yr -knock knock -who's there -I eat mop -I eat mop who? -*giggles* Say "I won a math debate" 5 times fast
I'm bored as firetruck so tell me your funniest joke