I was bored, wanted to write, started writing and this resulted.

Warning: Probs will have colorful language and yeaah

 

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Fae

 

Impulse

 

is quite a frightening thing. It makes you act quickly and without thought, the outcomes varying from wonderful to awful.

In my case, this impulsive nature has caused me many problems. From kissing that cute red head with hypnotizing eyes to telling the big shot of the school to suck a dick when he offered to ‘fix’ me. Of course, the latter could’ve been avoided if it wasn’t for the former. But who could resist the temptation?

She had been standing so close to me, batting those pretty eyelashes, and I just thought about how nice it would be to kiss her again and suddenly I was. She had pushed me away after a few long seconds and with an obviously faked horrified look walked away. Why was she horrified? Might have been the fact that we were in the middle of the hallway and practically everyone had caught a glimpse at the two girls making out in public. Or at least I wished we had gotten to make out. It was a measly peck on the lips if anything. How lame was that?

Well, the point is, I basically outed her and myself without meaning to. And since then, the gorgeous redheaded Kay has ignored me, hiding behind her ‘popular’ friends, telling everyone how disgusted she was and that she definitely didn’t swing that way. Of course I knew better. She admitted her attraction to girls a few weeks ago at a party, when I had gotten a bit tipsy and she helped you upstairs to lie down, stealing just a small kiss at first which involved into tongues and teeth clashing. The best part was that she was completely sober and that I weren’t just some dumb ‘only bisexual at parties’ girl.

Since then, we’d gotten closer, and my attraction to her changed from simple lust to a deep affection and caring for her. Would I call it love? I’m not sure, but there was definitely something there. At least more than what I felt for the past girlfriends I had that were simply for my entertainment. Not that they minded, I mean it was pretty obvious we just needed a bit a fun and fooling around.

Thank goodness that information hadn’t gone around. I mean, people would doubt my sexuality and think I am just some dumb ‘only bisexual at parties’ girl. This, by the way, is completely untrue. I’m just some dumb lesbian with a stupid impulsive nature.

A stupid girl who couldn’t help but kiss her secret girlfriend, if that’s what we even were, in public, knowing fully well she didn’t want to come out yet. And with that one act, I managed to ruin the first relationship I was truly happy in.

It’s really just sad. Fae and Kay Young sounded really cute in my head too.

It Was Sickening

the way he smirked like as if he was doing me such a big favor and like he deserved a freaking reward for his service.

“You’re too pretty to be lez anyways. Just spend sometime alone with me; I can fix you up real good.”

How could this boy, this child, this imbecile, Reese Richards, dare say this to me? What kind of idiot is he? Getting his whole crew together to try to convert me? It was a fruitless effort.

“Get out of my f ucking face.” My response was sharp as I turned to leave this idiotic bunch of guys gathered around me.

“Come on babe, no need to be so cold. Being gay is unnatural anyways. How would you even know what you like till you give it a try?”

I clenched my hands together and was about a second away from punching this stupid child. I even caught him flinching, although my fist was as far as possible from his oh so pretty face. Ha.

“Is that so? Then why don’t you go suck a dick and let me know if you like it or not? For all you know, female genitalia might gross you out and you just want a big cock in your mouth. Maybe you’re gay.”

There was a silence after that and you could see the slight embarrassment and the extreme anger radiating from the poor guy.

“No one talks to me like that! You’ll regret it you stupid whore!”

By that time I was about out the door of the cafeteria, where everyone had witnessed our little scene and some girls were already whispering about Reese Richard’s possible homosexuality.

“I’ll be looking forward to that!”

And with a quick middle finger in their general direction, I was out the doors, hoping the stench of stupid didn’t rub off on me.

The next few weeks weren’t too pretty.

Kay

Have You

ever just wanted to curl up and sleep for days? Weeks? Months? Years?

Have you ever been just perpetually tired?

Have you ever felt like the excitement had been sucked out of your life?

Like everything you ever loved doing lost its appeal?

Nothing makes you happy anymore and nothing can make you smile, no matter how hard you try to feign it.
Have you ever just felt empty?

Not dead, but just so f ucking empty.

I Felt

like that for a long time.

It could’ve been the absence of my parents, the stress of having perfect grades, having to look perfect all the time and keep my image up at school unless I wanted to be alone, which would not have help my state of mind.

I blamed my ‘depression’ on my loneliness. Shallow friends and hardly there parents made a girl feel pretty isolated.

I thought maybe a relationship would help. After all, I’d never really had one, to the surprise of many. I needed a boyfriend. Someone to keep me company and someone I could talk to and pour my heart out to.

But the minute I started scoping out for an eligible bachelor, I realized something.

One second I’d be looking at a supposed ‘cutie’ and then my eyes would drift to the girl in a black miniskirt or the girl with a low cut shirt.

I found myself being more interested in girls than the hunks most girls chased after.

This scared me. Terrified me. What would my parents think? What would my friends think? What was I supposed to do?

Well, what I did do was another toll on my happiness, which by that point I didn’t know there was such a thing.

I decided to hide. Force myself to date a couple a guys, maybe snap myself out of it.

That didn’t go too well.