Posted March 12, 201213 yr So here we go, we're walking on. Side by side and arm in arm. I stand and count the dissapearing dreams. But through the fog my friends are what I see. You're on the path that you seem to know. But you don't know where to go. And in the darkness it seems to be. That there's another me. Just let it out, blood thirsty shouts. They stab my heart when you let out those awful cries. Stay with me. I want you to show me the world through your eyes. The answer that you wish to seek. I have discovered that it is lying inside of me. Learn the tactics and reach the aim. You must learn to fly a higher game.
March 12, 201213 yr Pretty good. I would work on fixing up the third stanza. You should always keep meter in mind. The rhythm of that part doesn't flow as nicely as the other parts. Kind of threw me out of the poem.
So here we go, we're walking on.
Side by side and arm in arm.
I stand and count the dissapearing dreams.
But through the fog my friends are what I see.
You're on the path that you seem to know.
But you don't know where to go.
And in the darkness it seems to be.
That there's another me.
Just let it out, blood thirsty shouts.
They stab my heart when you let out those awful cries.
Stay with me.
I want you to show me the world through your eyes.
The answer that you wish to seek.
I have discovered that it is lying inside of me.
Learn the tactics and reach the aim.
You must learn to fly a higher game.