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5 Questions With The Kingdom Hearts Cast

Posted

_EPISODE 1_

 

Setting: A huge Kingdom Hearts logo with a keyblade spinning around in the middle. An intro with the title shows up on the screen...transitioning to a backdrop of the same logo, with Sora, standing in place.

 

Sora: Holy smokes, baloney, fudge and mustard, stop the presses and stop the internet!! If you are a member of KH13, and are loading this up your internet machine....you're here. Now, stand, the F**K UP!!

 

(No one stands up. Not even the cast members off screen watching)

 

Sora: -__-....Well, anyways....welcome to 5 Questions With The Kingdom Hearts Cast....where the most important questions on the face of this planet are answered....these, my friends (holds up paper) are the questions. And we (spreads arms out) We...have the answers....the answers to existance! (raises fist)

 

Riku: (Off-stage): By God, you're a ham.

 

Sora: (looks to Riku): By God, you're a homo.

 

(off-screen cast "OOOOHHHH"s in unison.)

 

Riku: -__-....just start the f*king show.

 

Sora: Alrighty then! First question....

 

(record skip, pause)

 

Hi, Firaga96. You know, I was going to make up stuff at this point, but then i thought, "Hey, why not get some actual questions going?"

 

So, KH13.com, I'm leaving the rest to you. Post some questions, being about anything you want to ask Sora, and once I get five, I'll continue the story from there. If you didn't get your question in, you can always ask another one for another character. :)

Edited by Firaga96

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Featured Replies

Hey, peoples! I need 2 more questions so I can finish the Summer Special! My OCD won't allow me to finish the episode without them!

 

Sora: Geez, calm down. I haven't heard anyone yell out like that ever.

Kairi: What about last night?

 

Sora: Oh yeah.

 

... Good night everybody!

To Sora: I need a sparring partner. Would you be willing to take on a seemingly random dude?

Hey, peoples! I need 2 more questions so I can finish the Summer Special! My OCD won't allow me to finish the episode without them!

 

Sora: Geez, calm down. I haven't heard anyone yell out like that ever.

Kairi: What about last night?

 

Sora: Oh yeah.

 

... Good night everybody!

 

To uh, um

 

Terra?

 

Was he asked already? Can we like ask again? If so then

 

 

 

 

Who be ur next date <:

 

 

 

Hey, peoples! I need 2 more questions so I can finish the Summer Special! My OCD won't allow me to finish the episode without them!

 

Sora: Geez, calm down. I haven't heard anyone yell out like that ever.

Kairi: What about last night?

 

Sora: Oh yeah.

 

... Good night everybody!

Good night everybody!

I was going to ask my Aqua question again, but it looks like you've already got two questions.

To Aqua and Terra: What did you think of Ven the first time you met him?

 

 

*sits patiently with a bag of popcorn* xD

  • Author

I said two questions, not two hundred. -____-

 

_EPISODE 16_
 
Sora: (stutters) Uh, heh, sorry! (rubs head) Think, Sora, how do you get out of this? (reads paper) Ooh, I know! Javelin434 asks, "*throws Sora a Paopu Fruit* So, when will you share that paopu fruit? C'mon, it's the LEAST you can do for her..."  Oh geez, a Paopu... uh, Kairi?
 
Kairi: Oh geez...
 
(audience and cast "ooh"s)
 
Sora: Welp, I gotta save myself someone (breaks Paopu in half)
 
(audience gasps)
 
Sora: Well, Kairi?
 
Kairi: I don't know... you were talking about other girl's boobies...
 
Sora: Kairi, you know that your boobies are the only ones I will ever love.
 
Kairi: Aww... well... (giggles) Okay.
 
(audience cheers)
 
(Kairi walks over to Sora, talks the half of the Paopu)
 
Sora: Well...
 
Kairi: Yeah...
 
Sora: So...
 
Random Audience Member: JUST KISS HER ALREADY!
 
Javelin, is that you?
 
Sora and Kairi: (blush madly)
 
Kairi: (giggles, closes eyes, and purses lips)
 
(audience gets feisty)
 
Kairi: (moving closer to Sora)
 
Sora: (heart pounding, sweating his ass off, about ready to pee... then... quickly grabs Kairi by the waist, dips her, and looks into her eyes)
 
Kairi: (eyes are wide)
 
Sora: Leggo, red. (plants a wet one on Kairi)
 
(audience loses their shit)
 
Sora: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! YOU'RE ALL TOO KIND! :D (waves to audience)
 
Kairi: (waves to audience as well, walks back offstage)
 
Sora: ... dang... we've only got through three questions and shit's already hit the fan.
 
That's 5 Questions for you.
 
Sora: True. Now, moar questions! :) Let's see, here...

Win!!!

I said two questions, not two hundred. -____-

We love you too<3

 

(unpause)
 
Sora: Now, moar questions! :) Let's see, here... ah, okay, here's some from Shera Wizard. Let's try and speed round this. Okay, here they are: "Xiggy: Do you have a goldfish fetish? Donald: Do thou even lift? Sora: Where does your keyblade go when you 'poof' it? :u" Braig?
 
Braig: A goldfish fetish? Hell no! Do I look like I like do bass to mouth?
 
Donald: I lift. With magic! (summons Save the Queen, waves it around and casts Magneta on everyone)
 
(everyone starts floating in the air, some start flailing around)
 
Sora: Hey, hey, HEY! Donald! Put us down!
 
Donald: Oh, right. Dispel! (waves wand around again)
 
(everyone lands hard on their butt)
 
Sora: Ow... anyways... uh, it just goes somewhere. My guess is that Keyblades have, like, some kind of special place where they all go when people don't use them to fight.... maybe it's some kind of Keyblade sanctuary or something, I don't know. Anyways, let's move on. Here we have three more questions from spiderfreak. Les do this. (clears throat). "Sora: How does it feel to have Ventus invade your insides and check out your private parts. Riku: Could you beat Vegeta in a fight? You're kinda like the Vegeta of KH. Namine: Why don't you get a gun and try to shoot Firaga to be with Roxas?" ... check out my private parts, huh? Well, first of all, based on the weird scene we saw earlier, I think we can all agree that he doesn't even swing that way... and even if he did, and if he plays for both teams... (sniff) I'D HUNT HIM DOWN AND GUT HIM LIKE A FISH! ... Marluxia, Even, did I do it right?
 
M&E: Yes, indeed.
 
Sora: Great. Now, Riku, Namine, answer your questions. Namine, you go first.
 
Namine: Yay! ... Um, well, I can't really do that, because if I do, he'd fire me from the show, and also because I don't really want to... (gulps) Because... because I... (fearful stuttering)
 
Roxas: Nami? Hey, what's the matter?
 
(Popo like laugh)
 
Namine: Gh, first rule of Firaga Sensei's training, do not talk about Firaga Sensei's training! (buries hands in face and silently cries)
 
Roxas: Why are you crying?
 
Namine: Second rule of Firaga Sensei's training! (continues to cry)
 
Roxas: Alright, I've had enough of this insanity? FIRAGA!
 
Yes...
 
Roxas: (summons Oathkeeper and Oblivion) I'm putting a stop to this! I won't let you make Namine cry anymore. (charges)
 
Oh, you don't want her to cry? Then maybe I'll make you cry.
 
Roxas: (stopped by black tenacles rising from the ground) Hey, what the?! (black mist starts to circle around him) Hey! Hey, what the--
 
Now you'll understand...
 
Roxas: (struggles in black trap) (muffled screams)
 
(insane Popo laugh) ... (turns to audience) And now for a word from our sponsors...
 
(static on screen, generic "Techincal Difficulties" message)

YAY. 2 of my questions are answered. NOW TO ANSWER RIKU'S QUESTION THAT I ASKED HIM.

OMG I SAW MY NAME ON THIS BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFULLERY

 

Posted Image

Question for Roxas: Hey there, Roxas! You're pretty awesome, but I wonder.. Before you met Namine, why didn't you go for Olette while you had the chance? She totally wanted your sea-salt icecream. *Hopes Namine won't kick his ass for asking this question*

*claps*  Awesome!  Just funny awesome! xD

 

(unpaused)
 
Sora: Anyways, let's finish off Spider's questions with the one he asked for Riku. Riku?
 
Riku: Could I beat Vegeta? You're damn straight I could. ;) In fact, I'm WAY cooler than that shortstack--
 
(Wall explodes)
 
Goddammit, why do you guys keep doing that?! Those walls are expensive!
 
(Vegeta walks through the rubble, arms crossed and frowning)
 
Vegeta: Hmph. I heard some weakling say he was stronger than me. Where is he?
 
Riku: Over here, flame-head.
 
(Vegeta eyes Riku, audience "ooh"s and grabs popcorn)
 
Vegeta: Oh, so you're the wise guy, huh? What makes you think some weak Kingdom Hearts fool like yourself can beat me? I am Vegeta! The Prince Of All Saiyans!
 
Riku: More like the Prince Of Two And A Half Saiyans.
 
(audience goes"OOOOOOOH")
 
Vegeta: (temple throb)
 
Riku: I get it, though, you're pretty strong. But I've faced bigger and badder enemies than'll you'll ever fight. (summons Way To The Dawn)
 
Vegeta: Oh, yes, I know about your exploits as well. Apparantly, you love to have older men and woman have control of you. And in some cases, be inside you.
 
(audience goes "OOOOOOOH!" again)
 
Riku: Tch, enough of this. Let's do this! (gets into battle stance)
 
Vegeta: Fine, then! (Powers up to Super Saiyan) You're going to die, you gray-haired freak!
 
An epic clash of ego and grit is about to unfold! Who will emerge the victor and who will be the one to fall and have their pride stamped into the dust! Find out on the next episode of 5 Questions With The-
 
(SMACK)
 
Ow! What the blubbins was that for?!
 
Don't troll out my audience.
 
But it's my--
 
Shut it, maggot! (screen goes red)
 
O-O! .. O-okay... um... as I was saying... find out right now... on 5 Questions With The Kingdom Hearts Cast... (shivers) ... I haven't seen anything like this since I accidentally saw Frieza naked after stepping out of the shower...
 
Isn't Frieza always naked?
 
GAH!
 
Vegeta: Now, then, since you're the weakling here, go ahead and make the first move.
 
Riku: You really want that?
 
Vegeta: Of course. (settles into stance) It doesn't really matter anyway. Your power will never match up to that of me, the mighty Vege-!
 
Riku: (whistles)
 
Vegeta: What the hell?
 
Riku: FANGIRLS! ATTACK!
 
(horde of fangirls rush through the hole in the wall that Vegeta made and glomp the shit out of him)
 
Vegeta: AH! AH! G-GET OFF ME, YOU WENCHES! AH! NOT THE FACE! AH!
 
(glomping ensues for several more minutes until Riku calls them off by snapping his fingers)
 
Vegeta: (battered and bruised) L-leaving now... (crawls out of studio)
 
Sora: ... what... but... I...
 
Something wrong?
 
Sora: .... why? Why did you let that happen? I mean, I know I'm from Kingdom Hearts and I shouldn't be saying this but... Riku should have got the snot beat out of him!
 
Riku: Hey! D:
 
I know that.
 
Sora: But how did Riku win?
 
I'll be honest; I know that DragonBall characters get kick your guys' buns. But, I need you alive for this show.
 
Riku: What are you saying? That we can't beat those guys?!
 
Yep. That's why I had Demyx beat Raditz the way he did... oh yeah, and because Raditz sucks, too, lol.
 
Riku: But, but--
 
You guys have Keyblades. They can blow up planets...
 
(silence)
 
Sora and Riku: Point taken.
 
Good.
 
Sora: Welp, let's keep the show rollin' with more questions, shall we? :D
 
(pause)

Oh wellz. Under dramatic win, but i understand why.

 

Anyway:

 

Terra: Are you fat? You're SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW IN Birth By Sleep. I understand that you're more heavy than Aqua and Ven, but STILL.

 

Master Xehanort: How do you feel to have been defeated twice by 2 teenagers with giant keys, a mouse, a duck and a dog? I mean come on, its really pathetic that you were beaten like that when you think about it that way.

 

Kairi: Do you plan on having any babies with Sora?

  • Author
(unpause)
 
Sora: Welp, let's keep the show rollin' with more questions, shall we? :D This next question comes from EternalReckoning, and he asks, "Riku, is all this torture the true cause of your psycholgical ill well being as of late?" Riku?
 
Riku: What psychological well being? I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.
 
Sora: And why's that?
 
Riku: Who wouldn't be unwell working on this show sometimes? -_-
 
Sora: Good point. Anyways, here we have another block of questions from one single--
 
(muffled talk from backstage)
 
Sora: Hey, hey, walkies off during 5 Questions, man, I--... (sigh) You know what, let me see that. (backstage hand gives Sora a walkie talkie) (Sora pushes button on talkie and talks into it) Brother, we're in the middle of doing 5 f**king Questions here, this is f**king ridiculous here. If you're gonna talk on the radio, there's some f**ker that's right next to you. If you need an apple crate, then's alright, we'll get one to you. Just walk down the hall and ask for one, you don't need to blow up the f**king walkie, I mean, we're doing shit on the internet...
 
Walkie Guy: (low volume, giggling) I'm sorry.
 
Sora: It's alright, don't let it happen again. (gives walkie back to backstage hand) Anyways... uh, the questions we have here are from ItNeverGetsBetterThan—... hey, who's coming in...
 
(muffled backstage talk and movement, giggling)
 
Sora: ... You son of a bitch! (laughs) Do you want me to bring your dirty laundry in here, because I will, but not right now... geez, anyways, for the last f**king time, sorry about that... we have a bunch of questions from ItNeverGetsBetterThanThis. I'll read 'em off and we'll get 'em answered real quick like. Here we go: "All: will you do the Harlem shake for my amusement?" "Vexen: could you please Cold Shoulder Firaga, I feel it could be hilarious." "Larxy: who would win in a fight: you or Thor from Marvel Comics?" "Riku: do you know who DawnStar~2004~ is? If so, run." " Marluxia: are you and Jake Gelienhal related? Your names are hard to pronounce." "Dem Dem: will you please glomp everyone on the studio, including the audience." "Kairi/Namine: gurlz, u look pregnt wazup with dat?" Oh shit, this outgha be good. (laughs)
 
All: No. F**k you.
 
Even: First of all, it's not Vexen, it's Even. Second of all, you should know by now that bad things happnen to those who cross the boss.
 
Damn right they do. (creepy laugh)
 
Even: (shivers)
 
Larxene: Not only would I win, but I'd casctrate him in his sleep with rusty carving knife.
 
Lea: Yikes. I wouldn't wanna be that guy.
 
Marluxia: No, I don't know who that is. And my name is not hard to pronounce. It's Mar-Lu-Sha. That's it.
 
Dem Dem: I'll glomp everyone except Firaga Sensei. He doesn't like that.
 
Nope.
 
Dem Dem: Other than that, glomps for everyone! Ha-ha! 
 
(Demyx glomps every single person in the studio, including the audience)
 
(Demyx gets to the Demyx fangirls)
 
Fangirls: (waves of screams and squeaks)
 
Demyx: (stops mid-glomp) W-wait! I changed my mind! I changed my mind!! D: (falls into crowd anyway, fangirls all glomp him instead)
 
Demyx: AHH! The humanity, ahhhhhh!!! ... What a world!!!
 
Riku: Well, looks like he's been (puts on glasses) fan-glomped.
 
Random Guy: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 
Sora: Riku!
 
Riku: What?!
 
Sora: Too soon! Plus, you gotta answer your question now.
 
Riku: Oh yeah, her... I know who DawnStar is. I have a restraining order against her.
 
Sora: Really? Why?
 
Riku: You remember that time we all went on a cruise?
 
Sora: Yeah?
 
Riku: Well, I don't. :( All I remember is sweat, chains, and ice cream... and I only like that stuff when I'm in control, but I wasn't! Damn you, Dawn Star, for ruining my groove!
 
Sora: Oh wow. The only thing I remember from that cruise was seeing Roxas take a dump directly on the ship. (looks backstage with a "-__-" look)
 
Roxas: Hey, you said that part of the ship was called the poopdeck. That is why I pooped there.
 
Sora: You're disgusting.
 
Roxas: And you're misleading.
 
Sora: (facepalm) Let's just finish this. Babe? Namine?
 
Kairi and Namine: Pregnant?!
 
Kairi: I'll have you know that I've been keeping a healthy weight since the first game!
 
Namine: So have I!
 
Sora: You realize that he's trolling you two right?
 
Kairi and Namine: Really?
 
Sora: Duh.
 
Kairi and Namine: Oh.
 
Roxas: 'Sides, there's no need to worry about your weight, Nami. Especially since you got that nice ass. ;)
 
Namine: 0//0... (giggles)
 
Sora: Hey, Boss, how come you didn't get on Roxas and Namine for that?
 
(looking at Riza poster) What was that?
 
Sora: Oh, uh, nothing, Boss.
 
Alrighty then. (goes back to looking at tasty Riza poster)
 
Sora: Anyways, we have two questions next, both from Ducky, or as the Boss fist knew her as, Swaggin Baggin.
 
Riku: Geez, that name is annoying. I prefer the first one.
 
Sora: You're not the only one. Anyways, she asks, "Why does Xemnas have such a deep ass voice?" and "How did Sora learn about puberty?"
 
Xemnas: Because bitches.
 
Sora: Well said. And as for me, I learned about puberty the same way every kid does. We don't live our lives the way we do in the games. We're actors and we're doing a internet series in a f**king studio.
 
Roxas: Whoa, you mad, bro?
 
Sora: No, I just think that the fact that some people think we should act like we do in the games is ridiculous. Not saying you one of them, Ducky, I'm referring to other people. And we all know who thinks that.... yeah. I'm talking you, every person who doesn't watch this series and tells other people not to because we, the cast aren't "in character"... listen, you assholes, this is f**king reality. This is how we act in real life. If you want us to act like we do in the games, then fine, we will. Let's see how long this series will last if we all stick to our cliche, boring as hell, predictable, watered down, Kingdom F**KING Hearts personalities! That's a hoot, huh?! You like boring shit, don't you?! Well, the rest of the people who follow this series don't! They actually like that we're expressing ourselves in a way that can't do in any other format! And you know something else? They are laughing! They are laughing at all the antics and jokes and obscene things we do here, and if they are doing that, then we frankly don't give a DAMN about what you think about us.
 
(awkward silence)
 
Roxas: Dude, you are mad.
 
Sora: Maybe a little... but, I'm over it now. So... let's move on shall we?
 
(pause)

 

(unpause)
 
Sora: Welp, let's keep the show rollin' with more questions, shall we? :D This next question comes from EternalReckoning, and he asks, "Riku, is all this torture the true cause of your psycholgical ill well being as of late?" Riku?
 
Riku: What psychological well being? I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.
 
Sora: And why's that?
 
Riku: Who wouldn't be unwell working on this show sometimes? -_-
 
Sora: Good point. Anyways, here we have another block of questions from one single--
 
(muffled talk from backstage)
 
Sora: Hey, hey, walkies off during 5 Questions, man, I--... (sigh) You know what, let me see that. (backstage hand gives Sora a walkie talkie) (Sora pushes button on talkie and talks into it) Brother, we're in the middle of doing 5 f**king Questions here, this is f**king ridiculous here. If you're gonna talk on the radio, there's some f**ker that's right next to you. If you need an apple crate, then's alright, we'll get one to you. Just walk down the hall and ask for one, you don't need to blow up the f**king walkie, I mean, we're doing shit on the internet...
 
Walkie Guy: (low volume, giggling) I'm sorry.
 
Sora: It's alright, don't let it happen again. (gives walkie back to backstage hand) Anyways... uh, the questions we have here are from ItNeverGetsBetterThan—... hey, who's coming in...
 
(muffled backstage talk and movement, giggling)
 
Sora: ... You son of a bitch! (laughs) Do you want me to bring your dirty laundry in here, because I will, but not right now... geez, anyways, for the last f**king time, sorry about that... we have a bunch of questions from ItNeverGetsBetterThanThis. I'll read 'em off and we'll get 'em answered real quick like. Here we go: "All: will you do the Harlem shake for my amusement?" "Vexen: could you please Cold Shoulder Firaga, I feel it could be hilarious." "Larxy: who would win in a fight: you or Thor from Marvel Comics?" "Riku: do you know who DawnStar~2004~ is? If so, run." " Marluxia: are you and Jake Gelienhal related? Your names are hard to pronounce." "Dem Dem: will you please glomp everyone on the studio, including the audience." "Kairi/Namine: gurlz, u look pregnt wazup with dat?" Oh shit, this outgha be good. (laughs)
 
All: No. F**k you.
 
Even: First of all, it's not Vexen, it's Even. Second of all, you should know by now that bad things happnen to those who cross the boss.
 
Damn right they do. (creepy laugh)
 
Even: (shivers)
 
Larxene: Not only would I win, but I'd casctrate him in his sleep with rusty carving knife.
 
Lea: Yikes. I wouldn't wanna be that guy.
 
Marluxia: No, I don't know who that is. And my name is not hard to pronounce. It's Mar-Lu-Sha. That's it.
 
Dem Dem: I'll glomp everyone except Firaga Sensei. He doesn't like that.
 
Nope.
 
Dem Dem: Other than that, glomps for everyone! Ha-ha! 
 
(Demyx glomps every single person in the studio, including the audience)
 
(Demyx gets to the Demyx fangirls)
 
Fangirls: (waves of screams and squeaks)
 
Demyx: (stops mid-glomp) W-wait! I changed my mind! I changed my mind!! D: (falls into crowd anyway, fangirls all glomp him instead)
 
Demyx: AHH! The humanity, ahhhhhh!!! ... What a world!!!
 
Riku: Well, looks like he's been (puts on glasses) fan-glomped.
 
Random Guy: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 
Sora: Riku!
 
Riku: What?!
 
Sora: Too soon! Plus, you gotta answer your question now.
 
Riku: Oh yeah, her... I know who DawnStar is. I have a restraining order against her.
 
Sora: Really? Why?
 
Riku: You remember that time we all went on a cruise?
 
Sora: Yeah?
 
Riku: Well, I don't. :( All I remember is sweat, chains, and ice cream... and I only like that stuff when I'm in control, but I wasn't! Damn you, Dawn Star, for ruining my groove!
 
Sora: Oh wow. The only thing I remember from that cruise was seeing Roxas take a dump directly on the ship. (looks backstage with a "-__-" look)
 
Roxas: Hey, you said that part of the ship was called the poopdeck. That is why I pooped there.
 
Sora: You're disgusting.
 
Roxas: And you're misleading.
 
Sora: (facepalm) Let's just finish this. Babe? Namine?
 
Kairi and Namine: Pregnant?!
 
Kairi: I'll have you know that I've been keeping a healthy weight since the first game!
 
Namine: So have I!
 
Sora: You realize that he's trolling you two right?
 
Kairi and Namine: Really?
 
Sora: Duh.
 
Kairi and Namine: Oh.
 
Roxas: 'Sides, there's no need to worry about your weight, Nami. Especially since you got that nice ass. ;)
 
Namine: 0//0... (giggles)
 
Sora: Hey, Boss, how come you didn't get on Roxas and Namine for that?
 
(looking at Riza poster) What was that?
 
Sora: Oh, uh, nothing, Boss.
 
Alrighty then. (goes back to looking at tasty Riza poster)
 
Sora: Anyways, we have two questions next, both from Ducky, or as the Boss fist knew her as, Swaggin Baggin.
 
Riku: Geez, that name is annoying. I prefer the first one.
 
Sora: You're not the only one. Anyways, she asks, "Why does Xemnas have such a deep ass voice?" and "How did Sora learn about puberty?"
 
Xemnas: Because bitches.
 
Sora: Well said. And as for me, I learned about puberty the same way every kid does. We don't live our lives the way we do in the games. We're actors and we're doing a internet series in a f**king studio.
 
Roxas: Whoa, you mad, bro?
 
Sora: No, I just think that the fact that some people think we should act like we do in the games is ridiculous. Not saying you one of them, Ducky, I'm referring to other people. And we all know who thinks that.... yeah. I'm talking you, every person who doesn't watch this series and tells other people not to because we, the cast aren't "in character"... listen, you assholes, this is f**king reality. This is how we act in real life. If you want us to act like we do in the games, then fine, we will. Let's see how long this series will last if we all stick to our cliche, boring as hell, predictable, watered down, Kingdom F**KING Hearts personalities! That's a hoot, huh?! You like boring shit, don't you?! Well, the rest of the people who follow this series don't! They actually like that we're expressing ourselves in a way that can't do in any other format! And you know something else? They are laughing! They are laughing at all the antics and jokes and obscene things we do here, and if they are doing that, then we frankly don't give a DAMN about what you think about us.
 
(awkward silence)
 
Roxas: Dude, you are mad.
 
Sora: Maybe a little... but, I'm over it now. So... let's move on shall we?
 
(pause)

Even... SHUT UP... I asked for Vexen. I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE JKFNKJDSFNKJSDNF. And I sad nao. I killed Demmy.

 

(unpause)
 
Sora: Welp, let's keep the show rollin' with more questions, shall we? :D This next question comes from EternalReckoning, and he asks, "Riku, is all this torture the true cause of your psycholgical ill well being as of late?" Riku?
 
Riku: What psychological well being? I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.
 
Sora: And why's that?
 
Riku: Who wouldn't be unwell working on this show sometimes? -_-
 
Sora: Good point. Anyways, here we have another block of questions from one single--
 
(muffled talk from backstage)
 
Sora: Hey, hey, walkies off during 5 Questions, man, I--... (sigh) You know what, let me see that. (backstage hand gives Sora a walkie talkie) (Sora pushes button on talkie and talks into it) Brother, we're in the middle of doing 5 f**king Questions here, this is f**king ridiculous here. If you're gonna talk on the radio, there's some f**ker that's right next to you. If you need an apple crate, then's alright, we'll get one to you. Just walk down the hall and ask for one, you don't need to blow up the f**king walkie, I mean, we're doing shit on the internet...
 
Walkie Guy: (low volume, giggling) I'm sorry.
 
Sora: It's alright, don't let it happen again. (gives walkie back to backstage hand) Anyways... uh, the questions we have here are from ItNeverGetsBetterThan—... hey, who's coming in...
 
(muffled backstage talk and movement, giggling)
 
Sora: ... You son of a bitch! (laughs) Do you want me to bring your dirty laundry in here, because I will, but not right now... geez, anyways, for the last f**king time, sorry about that... we have a bunch of questions from ItNeverGetsBetterThanThis. I'll read 'em off and we'll get 'em answered real quick like. Here we go: "All: will you do the Harlem shake for my amusement?" "Vexen: could you please Cold Shoulder Firaga, I feel it could be hilarious." "Larxy: who would win in a fight: you or Thor from Marvel Comics?" "Riku: do you know who DawnStar~2004~ is? If so, run." " Marluxia: are you and Jake Gelienhal related? Your names are hard to pronounce." "Dem Dem: will you please glomp everyone on the studio, including the audience." "Kairi/Namine: gurlz, u look pregnt wazup with dat?" Oh shit, this outgha be good. (laughs)
 
All: No. F**k you.
 
Even: First of all, it's not Vexen, it's Even. Second of all, you should know by now that bad things happnen to those who cross the boss.
 
Damn right they do. (creepy laugh)
 
Even: (shivers)
 
Larxene: Not only would I win, but I'd casctrate him in his sleep with rusty carving knife.
 
Lea: Yikes. I wouldn't wanna be that guy.
 
Marluxia: No, I don't know who that is. And my name is not hard to pronounce. It's Mar-Lu-Sha. That's it.
 
Dem Dem: I'll glomp everyone except Firaga Sensei. He doesn't like that.
 
Nope.
 
Dem Dem: Other than that, glomps for everyone! Ha-ha! 
 
(Demyx glomps every single person in the studio, including the audience)
 
(Demyx gets to the Demyx fangirls)
 
Fangirls: (waves of screams and squeaks)
 
Demyx: (stops mid-glomp) W-wait! I changed my mind! I changed my mind!! D: (falls into crowd anyway, fangirls all glomp him instead)
 
Demyx: AHH! The humanity, ahhhhhh!!! ... What a world!!!
 
Riku: Well, looks like he's been (puts on glasses) fan-glomped.
 
Random Guy: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 
Sora: Riku!
 
Riku: What?!
 
Sora: Too soon! Plus, you gotta answer your question now.
 
Riku: Oh yeah, her... I know who DawnStar is. I have a restraining order against her.
 
Sora: Really? Why?
 
Riku: You remember that time we all went on a cruise?
 
Sora: Yeah?
 
Riku: Well, I don't. :( All I remember is sweat, chains, and ice cream... and I only like that stuff when I'm in control, but I wasn't! Damn you, Dawn Star, for ruining my groove!
 
Sora: Oh wow. The only thing I remember from that cruise was seeing Roxas take a dump directly on the ship. (looks backstage with a "-__-" look)
 
Roxas: Hey, you said that part of the ship was called the poopdeck. That is why I pooped there.
 
Sora: You're disgusting.
 
Roxas: And you're misleading.
 
Sora: (facepalm) Let's just finish this. Babe? Namine?
 
Kairi and Namine: Pregnant?!
 
Kairi: I'll have you know that I've been keeping a healthy weight since the first game!
 
Namine: So have I!
 
Sora: You realize that he's trolling you two right?
 
Kairi and Namine: Really?
 
Sora: Duh.
 
Kairi and Namine: Oh.
 
Roxas: 'Sides, there's no need to worry about your weight, Nami. Especially since you got that nice ass. ;)
 
Namine: 0//0... (giggles)
 
Sora: Hey, Boss, how come you didn't get on Roxas and Namine for that?
 
(looking at Riza poster) What was that?
 
Sora: Oh, uh, nothing, Boss.
 
Alrighty then. (goes back to looking at tasty Riza poster)
 
Sora: Anyways, we have two questions next, both from Ducky, or as the Boss fist knew her as, Swaggin Baggin.
 
Riku: Geez, that name is annoying. I prefer the first one.
 
Sora: You're not the only one. Anyways, she asks, "Why does Xemnas have such a deep ass voice?" and "How did Sora learn about puberty?"
 
Xemnas: Because bitches.
 
Sora: Well said. And as for me, I learned about puberty the same way every kid does. We don't live our lives the way we do in the games. We're actors and we're doing a internet series in a f**king studio.
 
Roxas: Whoa, you mad, bro?
 
Sora: No, I just think that the fact that some people think we should act like we do in the games is ridiculous. Not saying you one of them, Ducky, I'm referring to other people. And we all know who thinks that.... yeah. I'm talking you, every person who doesn't watch this series and tells other people not to because we, the cast aren't "in character"... listen, you assholes, this is f**king reality. This is how we act in real life. If you want us to act like we do in the games, then fine, we will. Let's see how long this series will last if we all stick to our cliche, boring as hell, predictable, watered down, Kingdom F**KING Hearts personalities! That's a hoot, huh?! You like boring shit, don't you?! Well, the rest of the people who follow this series don't! They actually like that we're expressing ourselves in a way that can't do in any other format! And you know something else? They are laughing! They are laughing at all the antics and jokes and obscene things we do here, and if they are doing that, then we frankly don't give a DAMN about what you think about us.
 
(awkward silence)
 
Roxas: Dude, you are mad.
 
Sora: Maybe a little... but, I'm over it now. So... let's move on shall we?
 
(pause)

I hopez you hasn't forget my question Firaga.

 

Remember they're these ones:

 

Terra: Are you fat? You're SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW IN Birth By Sleep. I understand thatyou're more heavy than Aqua and Ven, but STILL.

 

Master Xehanort: How do you feel to have been defeated twice by 2teenagers with giant keys, a mouse, a duck and a dog? I mean come on,its really pathetic that you were beaten like that when you think aboutit that way.

 

Kairi: Do you plan on finally kissing Sora in KH3? Also, do you plan on having any babies with him?

  • Author

I hopez you hasn't forget my question Firaga.

 

Remember they're these ones:

 

Terra: Are you fat? You're SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW IN Birth By Sleep. I understand thatyou're more heavy than Aqua and Ven, but STILL.

 

Master Xehanort: How do you feel to have been defeated twice by 2teenagers with giant keys, a mouse, a duck and a dog? I mean come on,its really pathetic that you were beaten like that when you think aboutit that way.

 

Kairi: Do you plan on finally kissing Sora in KH3? Also, do you plan on having any babies with him?

 

I KNOW, BRO! STAHP ASKING!

Dang....

  • 2 weeks later...

To Aqua, Ventus, and Terra.

 

 

 

I had a dream involving you guys a few days ago or so. Okay, it starts off showing a title of "Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep Volume Two", it showed Aqua being warped from the Realm of Darkness to a strange looking world that people go to fight. Aqua was taken prisoner and forced to fight in the Colosseum for the king's pleasure. That king was Xehanort, or should I say, an alternate version of Xehanort. Among the other prisoners forced to fight were alternate versions of Terra and Ventus. However, they had no knowledge about Aqua when she tries to talk to them. When the time for them came to battle against each other after battling versions of Disney villains, they were thinking of a plan to get out of the world and back to their realities whence they came. However, King Xehanort tried to stop them and battles them himself. However, after a long fight, he was defeated and killed by the trio. Then after that, Aqua and th etwo versions of Terra and Ventus say their goodbyes, are warped back to their rightful place in Time. However, Aqua was put back into the Realm of Darkness. 

 

 

What do you think?

  • Author

To Aqua, Ventus, and Terra.

 

 

 

I had a dream involving you guys a few days ago or so. Okay, it starts off showing a title of "Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep Volume Two", it showed Aqua being warped from the Realm of Darkness to a strange looking world that people go to fight. Aqua was taken prisoner and forced to fight in the Colosseum for the king's pleasure. That king was Xehanort, or should I say, an alternate version of Xehanort. Among the other prisoners forced to fight were alternate versions of Terra and Ventus. However, they had no knowledge about Aqua when she tries to talk to them. When the time for them came to battle against each other after battling versions of Disney villains, they were thinking of a plan to get out of the world and back to their realities whence they came. However, King Xehanort tried to stop them and battles them himself. However, after a long fight, he was defeated and killed by the trio. Then after that, Aqua and th etwo versions of Terra and Ventus say their goodbyes, are warped back to their rightful place in Time. However, Aqua was put back into the Realm of Darkness. 

 

 

What do you think?

 

TAV: Confusing.

 

(Btw, don't try to PM me. My chat doesn't work right now)

  • Author

(unpause)

 

Sora: So... let's move on shall we? ... (sigh) ... bottom of the ninth, ladie and germs, we have exactly (counts on fingers, holds up seven) eight questions left to answer—oh, uh, I mean, (raises extra finger) Yeah, there we go. Heh.

 
Riku: Ha, you can't count.
 
Sora: Oh, yeah, thanks for pointing that out, you dick.
 
Riku: (chuckles)
 
Sora: Anyways, let's get to these questions. First two are both from Tom13. His first question is, "Even: Get Xion to attack Roxas or Axel under mind control to get revenge on the one who killed your Nobody, or use Xion to kill Roxas for no reason, whatsoever," and "Tom13: To Aqua: Do you think Final Fantasy Versus XIII is taking too long? Do you wish for KH3 to be made now?" Let's get the second one out of the way since it's really simple. Aqua?
 
Aqua: IRRELEVANT! (stamps "irrelevant" with capital letters on the camera screen)
 
Sora: Yes indeed. Now, you Even.
 
Even: Ah, yes, that is a perfect idea! With the help of my daughter, I shall have my revenge on those meddling Numbers Eight and Thirteen for killing me! (Mandark laugh)
 
Xion: Daddy, eat a Snickers. (gives Even a Snickers)
 
Even: Why so?
 
Xion: Cuz you get a little revenge driven when you're hungry.
 
Even: (takes and eats Snickers)
 
Xion: Better?
 
Even: Better.
 
Sora: Aw, that was nice... now then, let's move on again. Again!
 
Roxas: You said "again" again.
 
Sora: I know I said "again" again, again.
 
Roxas: Wait, know you're saying "again" again, and saying it again again, too.
 
Sora: No, I just said that I said "again" again, again, and now I'm saying it again, agian.
 
(everyone's minds go numb)
 
Demyx: MY MIND!
 
Sora. O-o... okay, you know what, let's just move on, heh-heh. Next questions... holy nuts, we have four questions all from Khrulz. Let's see: she asks, "Khrulz: Terra: Why didn't you stop yourself when it came to darkness? You're a smart guy. You knew when you went too far. ," "Khrulz: Aqua: You are epic, and nobody can deny that. How did that come to be? " "Khrulz: Ven: Picture this: Everyone that's backstage with you BUT you is falling to their doom. Who would you save if you could only save one person? Just wanna know." "Khrulz: Vanitas: ...you realize...you have so many fangirls...you could start a whole army...? " Everyone?
 
Terra: People have their moments of stupidity. Except Ventus. That's just his life.
 
Ventus: Hey! D:
 
Aqua: I was born that way. Plain and simple.
 
Ventus: Well, since someone just insulted me (glares at Terra) anyone but Terra.
 
Terra: Aw, come on, it was a little joke.
 
Ventus: Your dick is a little joke!
 
(everyone gasps and go silent)
 
(silence)
 
Terra: ....
 
Ventus: :mellow: ....
 
Terra: ....
 
Ventus: I'm sorry.
 
Terra: It's fine... just remember that I can snap your neck in a millisecond.
 
Ventus: o_o ... ha-ha... okay... (laughs nervously)
 
Sora: Well, this is awkward.
 
Riku: No! This is Sparta!
 
???: NO! THIS IS PATRICK!!
 
Sora: What in the he—Patrick, how did you get in here?
 
Patrick: :mellow: ... leedle leedle leedle lee! (runs out of studio)
 
Sora: ... we gotta stop leaving the front door open. Anyways, three questions left. Let's do this quickly. I got places to be.
 
Riku: Really?
 
Sora: Yeah, I'm visiting my cousin in Denver, didn't you know? I gotta go to the airport after this.
 
Kairi: I don't like airports. Flying on a plane is so scary to me. They get bombed and... and they crash, and... and they get bombed and shit.
 
Sora: Hey, there's always an accident happening with planes; the caution is high. But, people still ride them anyway. That's like saying there are a lot of automobile accidents and you're afraid to drive. Most people know it's true, but they don't care, because that's their only mode of transportation. They know the risk of a accident, but they just drive anyway... and they drive bad Yeah. I'm the guy in the rear view mirror, honking the horn, flipping you off and yelling, "GET OFF YOUR F**KING CELL PHONE!"
 
(mumbles back stage)
 
Sora: Who's on the walkie? Gimme the damn walkie. Who's on it? Who kept the walkie on... cuz this is bad. I'm- I'm trying to alert the drving community (takes walkie from some guy, sets it up and speaks into it) that I have fifteen oustanding speeding ticket warrants, my insurance is way above the legal limit, my license is at the risk of being suspended for eighteen months, but I'm telling these dumb f**ks (points to screen) to drive with a little bit of caution cuz I get eerie and antsy on the road!! Make rash decisions and say things that I don't mean... (makes weird face, shows walkie to the camera, no response) ...... I guess it worked. (wheezy laugh, hands backstage guy the walkie back) ... uh, anyways, let's get this shit done already. The last three questions are from EternalReckoning, ItNeverGetsBetterThanThis, xoblivionx13, in that order. First one: "Terra: does versus mode with ven and aqua make you paranoid because of your inability to dodge?" "ItNeverGetsBetterThanThis:To Sora: I need a sparring partner. Would you be willing to take on a seemingly random dude?" "Xoblivionx13: To Aqua and Terra: What did you think of Ven the first time you met him?"
 
Terra: What are you talking about? I can dodge!
 
Oh really?
 
Terra: Yeah really!
 
Are you sure?
 
Terra: Yes I'm sure?
 
For real?
 
Terra: YES!
 
Okay then. Test.
 
Terra: Test?
 
Piccolo: (teleports in front of Terra) DODGE! (Blasts Terra in the face)
 
Terra: AUGH! (takes it, falls down on face, body singed and twitching)
 
So... what's your analysis.
 
Piccolo: ... there is offcially someone worse at dodging than Gohan. (teleports away)
 
Oh wow.
 
Terra: (still on face, mumbled) That... that wasn't fair. D:
 
Life's not fair.
 
Sora: (chuckles) Uh, next-- oh wait, it's me... uh, yeah, sure. If you're interested in a sparring partner, I suggest you go the Boss's profile and we'll work out the business from there. Anyways, Vanitas? Time to close the show out.
 
Vanitas: Yes, I do realize that. However... there is one thing that keeps me from using themf for world domination. (glares at Riku)
 
Riku: (glares back)
 
(everyone gets popcorn and puts on 3D glasses)
 
Vanitas: Riku...
 
Riku: Vanitas...
 
Vanitas: You really think you're the shit, don't you?
 
Riku: Yes. Yes I do.
 
Vanitas: (scoffs) Well, I don't buy it. I'm way more popular than you! Admit it!
 
Riku: You're a n00b compared to me. I've been here since the beginning; my fanbase was large even after the first game.
 
Vanitas: But I'm so much sexier than you; plus, you know that the girls always go for the bad boys. You know that better than anyone.
 
Riku: Yeah, well, past gimmicks aside... there's no way any army you could conjure up would be anything compared to mine. (snaps fingers, huge army of fangirls holding weapons appear behind him)
 
Vanitas: Tch, you don't scare me! (summons almost as large army of fangirls, also holding weapons)
 
Riku: You're going down, Vani. Give up while you can. (summons The Way To Dawn)
 
Vanitas: I'm not going down without a fight. Your army may be bigger than mine, but I can still defeat you. Sparta, motherf**ker! (summons Void Gear)
 
Riku: Ha! Your numbers are puny compared to mine!
 
Vanitas: Yeah, well your pecker is puny compared to mine!
 
Riku: Grr, you take that back!
 
Vanitas: Bring it on, ya pansie!
 
(Both guys send their armies after each other. What ensues is an epic battle of epicness. Fangirls tear each other apart. Bones are broken. Meat is ripped and torn. Bodies litter the floor of the studio. Blood is split upon every floor and wall. After a straight thirty minutes of fighting, finally... it ends. Both men stand tall, panting and eyeing each other, as their armies are both obliterated.)
 
Riku: (pants) You.... (pants)... can't... beat... me.
 
Vanitas: (pants) I... like... ponies (Passes out)
 
Riku: Ha.... (weakly) Gay... (passes out as well)
 
Sora: .... that.... was.... AMAZING! :D
 
(everyone claps and cheers like they just saw Shakspeare)
 
Sora: I gotta say, though, this is a messy scene. There's blood everywhere.
 
Eh. You should see this place when Rosie O' Donnell films something. There's WAY more blood.
 
Sora: OOOOOH, snap! xD Good one.
 
Thank you.
 
Sora: Well, then everybody... uh, that's it. That's the final buzzer. We FINALLY got through our biggest special yet. 
 
(cast and audience cheer)
 
Sora: Yes, yes, yes. Now, remember folks, keeping sending in those questions, we'll keep answering them, and getting our asses FLAMED by Aladdin... because I'm pretty sure he just shat bricks watching this special. Lol Now, if you'll excuse me (takes out mop) We got to clean up this place... whoo, boy, that's a lot of blood.
 
(fade out)
 
X*X*X*X*X
 
Okay, then, after SO LONG... I finished the Summer Special.
 
Riku: Took you long enough. -_-
 
Anyways, now that that's out of the way, I'd like to make an announcement... I'm putting 5 Questions on hiatus. Well, at least the main series. I'll still be uploading the Ebonics and Vagina Dub, but as far as answering new questions and putting up new episodes.... yeah, uh, I don't really want to.
 
Riku: Why not, asshole?
 
BECAUSE... (sigh)... look, I'm sorry, but I'm kind of slipping when it comes to the comedy aspect of this show. So I think if I take a bit of break, I'll be able to come back better than ever, totally inspired, and I'll be able to actually impress myself when I write the jokes for this show. Until then, though, you guys can still leave questions on this thread. Just don't expect them to be answered any time soon. I'm gonna need some time for this whole writer's block/ comedic depression-type-bullshit I'm going through, Idk. Again, enjoy the Ebonics and Vagina Dub until then. :)
 
Riku: Tch. You're worse than LittleKurriboh.
 
LIMIT BREAK!
 
Riku: Ah! (holds hands up) ... (is not hit) ... what the?
 
Ha. Psych.
 
Riku: Oh, well, that's a relie-- (gets punched in the stomach) AUGH... ow...
 
Never underestimate the elite.
 
Riku: I think you busted my liver...
 
Aw, walk it off, ya Mary Sue!

Edited by Firaga Sensei

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