5 Questions With The Kingdom Hearts Cast

[Firaga 5,947]

(unpause)

 

Sora: So... let's move on shall we? ... (sigh) ... bottom of the ninth, ladie and germs, we have exactly (counts on fingers, holds up seven) eight questions left to answer—oh, uh, I mean, (raises extra finger) Yeah, there we go. Heh.

 

Riku: Ha, you can't count.

 

Sora: Oh, yeah, thanks for pointing that out, you dick.

 

Riku: (chuckles)

 

Sora: Anyways, let's get to these questions. First two are both from Tom13. His first question is, "Even: Get Xion to attack Roxas or Axel under mind control to get revenge on the one who killed your Nobody, or use Xion to kill Roxas for no reason, whatsoever," and "Tom13: To Aqua: Do you think Final Fantasy Versus XIII is taking too long? Do you wish for KH3 to be made now?" Let's get the second one out of the way since it's really simple. Aqua?

 

Aqua: IRRELEVANT! (stamps "irrelevant" with capital letters on the camera screen)

 

Sora: Yes indeed. Now, you Even.

 

Even: Ah, yes, that is a perfect idea! With the help of my daughter, I shall have my revenge on those meddling Numbers Eight and Thirteen for killing me! (Mandark laugh)

 

Xion: Daddy, eat a Snickers. (gives Even a Snickers)

 

Even: Why so?

 

Xion: Cuz you get a little revenge driven when you're hungry.

 

Even: (takes and eats Snickers)

 

Xion: Better?

 

Even: Better.

 

Sora: Aw, that was nice... now then, let's move on again. Again!

 

Roxas: You said "again" again.

 

Sora: I know I said "again" again, again.

 

Roxas: Wait, know you're saying "again" again, and saying it again again, too.

 

Sora: No, I just said that I said "again" again, again, and now I'm saying it again, agian.

 

(everyone's minds go numb)

 

Demyx: MY MIND!

 

Sora. O-o... okay, you know what, let's just move on, heh-heh. Next questions... holy nuts, we have four questions all from Khrulz. Let's see: she asks, "Khrulz: Terra: Why didn't you stop yourself when it came to darkness? You're a smart guy. You knew when you went too far. ," "Khrulz: Aqua: You are epic, and nobody can deny that. How did that come to be? " "Khrulz: Ven: Picture this: Everyone that's backstage with you BUT you is falling to their doom. Who would you save if you could only save one person? Just wanna know." "Khrulz: Vanitas: ...you realize...you have so many fangirls...you could start a whole army...? " Everyone?

 

Terra: People have their moments of stupidity. Except Ventus. That's just his life.

 

Ventus: Hey! D:

 

Aqua: I was born that way. Plain and simple.

 

Ventus: Well, since someone just insulted me (glares at Terra) anyone but Terra.

 

Terra: Aw, come on, it was a little joke.

 

Ventus: Your dick is a little joke!

 

(everyone gasps and go silent)

 

(silence)

 

Terra: ....

 

Ventus: :mellow: ....

 

Terra: ....

 

Ventus: I'm sorry.

 

Terra: It's fine... just remember that I can snap your neck in a millisecond.

 

Ventus: o_o ... ha-ha... okay... (laughs nervously)

 

Sora: Well, this is awkward.

 

Riku: No! This is Sparta!

 

???: NO! THIS IS PATRICK!!

 

Sora: What in the he—Patrick, how did you get in here?

 

Patrick: :mellow: ... leedle leedle leedle lee! (runs out of studio)

 

Sora: ... we gotta stop leaving the front door open. Anyways, three questions left. Let's do this quickly. I got places to be.

 

Riku: Really?

 

Sora: Yeah, I'm visiting my cousin in Denver, didn't you know? I gotta go to the airport after this.

 

Kairi: I don't like airports. Flying on a plane is so scary to me. They get bombed and... and they crash, and... and they get bombed and shit.

 

Sora: Hey, there's always an accident happening with planes; the caution is high. But, people still ride them anyway. That's like saying there are a lot of automobile accidents and you're afraid to drive. Most people know it's true, but they don't care, because that's their only mode of transportation. They know the risk of a accident, but they just drive anyway... and they drive bad Yeah. I'm the guy in the rear view mirror, honking the horn, flipping you off and yelling, "GET OFF YOUR F**KING CELL PHONE!"

 

(mumbles back stage)

 

Sora: Who's on the walkie? Gimme the damn walkie. Who's on it? Who kept the walkie on... cuz this is bad. I'm- I'm trying to alert the drving community (takes walkie from some guy, sets it up and speaks into it) that I have fifteen oustanding speeding ticket warrants, my insurance is way above the legal limit, my license is at the risk of being suspended for eighteen months, but I'm telling these dumb f**ks (points to screen) to drive with a little bit of caution cuz I get eerie and antsy on the road!! Make rash decisions and say things that I don't mean... (makes weird face, shows walkie to the camera, no response) ...... I guess it worked. (wheezy laugh, hands backstage guy the walkie back) ... uh, anyways, let's get this shit done already. The last three questions are from EternalReckoning, ItNeverGetsBetterThanThis, xoblivionx13, in that order. First one: "Terra: does versus mode with ven and aqua make you paranoid because of your inability to dodge?" "ItNeverGetsBetterThanThis:To Sora: I need a sparring partner. Would you be willing to take on a seemingly random dude?" "Xoblivionx13: To Aqua and Terra: What did you think of Ven the first time you met him?"

 

Terra: What are you talking about? I can dodge!

 

Oh really?

 

Terra: Yeah really!

 

Are you sure?

 

Terra: Yes I'm sure?

 

For real?

 

Terra: YES!

 

Okay then. Test.

 

Terra: Test?

 

Piccolo: (teleports in front of Terra) DODGE! (Blasts Terra in the face)

 

Terra: AUGH! (takes it, falls down on face, body singed and twitching)

 

So... what's your analysis.

 

Piccolo: ... there is offcially someone worse at dodging than Gohan. (teleports away)

 

Oh wow.

 

Terra: (still on face, mumbled) That... that wasn't fair. D:

 

Life's not fair.

 

Sora: (chuckles) Uh, next-- oh wait, it's me... uh, yeah, sure. If you're interested in a sparring partner, I suggest you go the Boss's profile and we'll work out the business from there. Anyways, Vanitas? Time to close the show out.

 

Vanitas: Yes, I do realize that. However... there is one thing that keeps me from using themf for world domination. (glares at Riku)

 

Riku: (glares back)

 

(everyone gets popcorn and puts on 3D glasses)

 

Vanitas: Riku...

 

Riku: Vanitas...

 

Vanitas: You really think you're the shit, don't you?

 

Riku: Yes. Yes I do.

 

Vanitas: (scoffs) Well, I don't buy it. I'm way more popular than you! Admit it!

 

Riku: You're a n00b compared to me. I've been here since the beginning; my fanbase was large even after the first game.

 

Vanitas: But I'm so much sexier than you; plus, you know that the girls always go for the bad boys. You know that better than anyone.

 

Riku: Yeah, well, past gimmicks aside... there's no way any army you could conjure up would be anything compared to mine. (snaps fingers, huge army of fangirls holding weapons appear behind him)

 

Vanitas: Tch, you don't scare me! (summons almost as large army of fangirls, also holding weapons)

 

Riku: You're going down, Vani. Give up while you can. (summons The Way To Dawn)

 

Vanitas: I'm not going down without a fight. Your army may be bigger than mine, but I can still defeat you. Sparta, motherf**ker! (summons Void Gear)

 

Riku: Ha! Your numbers are puny compared to mine!

 

Vanitas: Yeah, well your pecker is puny compared to mine!

 

Riku: Grr, you take that back!

 

Vanitas: Bring it on, ya pansie!

 

(Both guys send their armies after each other. What ensues is an epic battle of epicness. Fangirls tear each other apart. Bones are broken. Meat is ripped and torn. Bodies litter the floor of the studio. Blood is split upon every floor and wall. After a straight thirty minutes of fighting, finally... it ends. Both men stand tall, panting and eyeing each other, as their armies are both obliterated.)

 

Riku: (pants) You.... (pants)... can't... beat... me.

 

Vanitas: (pants) I... like... ponies (Passes out)

 

Riku: Ha.... (weakly) Gay... (passes out as well)

 

Sora: .... that.... was.... AMAZING!

 

(everyone claps and cheers like they just saw Shakspeare)

 

Sora: I gotta say, though, this is a messy scene. There's blood everywhere.

 

Eh. You should see this place when Rosie O' Donnell films something. There's WAY more blood.

 

Sora: OOOOOH, snap! Good one.

 

Thank you.

 

Sora: Well, then everybody... uh, that's it. That's the final buzzer. We FINALLY got through our biggest special yet. 

 

(cast and audience cheer)

 

Sora: Yes, yes, yes. Now, remember folks, keeping sending in those questions, we'll keep answering them, and getting our asses FLAMED by Aladdin... because I'm pretty sure he just shat bricks watching this special. Lol Now, if you'll excuse me (takes out mop) We got to clean up this place... whoo, boy, that's a lot of blood.

 

(fade out)

 

X*X*X*X*X

 

Okay, then, after SO LONG... I finished the Summer Special.

 

Riku: Took you long enough. -_-

 

Anyways, now that that's out of the way, I'd like to make an announcement... I'm putting 5 Questions on hiatus. Well, at least the main series. I'll still be uploading the Ebonics and Vagina Dub, but as far as answering new questions and putting up new episodes.... yeah, uh, I don't really want to.

 

Riku: Why not, asshole?

 

BECAUSE... (sigh)... look, I'm sorry, but I'm kind of slipping when it comes to the comedy aspect of this show. So I think if I take a bit of break, I'll be able to come back better than ever, totally inspired, and I'll be able to actually impress myself when I write the jokes for this show. Until then, though, you guys can still leave questions on this thread. Just don't expect them to be answered any time soon. I'm gonna need some time for this whole writer's block/ comedic depression-type-bullshit I'm going through, Idk. Again, enjoy the Ebonics and Vagina Dub until then.

 

Riku: Tch. You're worse than LittleKurriboh.

 

LIMIT BREAK!

 

Riku: Ah! (holds hands up) ... (is not hit) ... what the?

 

Ha. Psych.

 

Riku: Oh, well, that's a relie-- (gets punched in the stomach) AUGH... ow...

 

Never underestimate the elite.

 

Riku: I think you busted my liver...

 

Aw, walk it off, ya Mary Sue!

Edited July 11, 2013 by Firaga Sensei

[Javelin434 3,164]

Kairi: Do you plan on finally kissing Sora in KH3? Also, do you plan on having any babies with him?

*Future Kairi Post Detected*

 

This... this will be interesting

 

[Xer 670]

Hey Roxas, how do you feel after Axel trolled you and you're having no more ice cream with no one?

[xoblivionx13 1,133]

I don't even know what to ask anymore X'D It usually ends with insults, explosions, or cameos rofl

Edited July 12, 2013 by xoblivionx13

[Firaga 5,947]

_EPISODE 8_ : THE EBONICS DUB

 

Masta Xehanort: Welcome, lil' ones, ta tha eighth episode of 5 Thangs With Da Mackdaddydom Hearts Cast. Now...SUBMIT TO THE DARKNESS!

 

(static) (generic technical bullshiznit sign)

 

Masta Xehanort: (coughs) Oh, I be sorry, I, uh, gots a lil unhinged there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. Heh, I forgot dat I wasn't on script.

 

Xehanortz Heartless: And besides, you stole mah line! 

 

Masta Xehanort: Ah yo, but I am you!

 

XH: Wait, biatch? No!

 

MX: Yes muthafiretrucka! Yo ass are my Heartless, so dat means yo ass be apart of me, n' so we share ALL our catchphrases. (under breath) Makes thangs less confusin anyway...

 

Terra-nort: But-but he's my Heartless, not yours!

 

MX: Ah yo, but I be be apart of you, so I be you, as well!

 

Terra-nort: Uh.... 

 

MX: -__- I explained dis up in the pamphlet yo. How tha firetruck is we goin ta conquer all ghettos wit a Organization of evil mes if you can't git tha logic straight?

 

Xemnas: No one can git tha logic straight.

 

MX: Well, I should expect mah Nobody, tha forma head of Org. XIII, ta understand.

 

Xemnas: It aint nuthin but not mah fault you run dis shizzle on f**k logic.

 

MX: Ooh, I ought ta take you up back n' tan yo' hide!

 

XH: Yo ass like that, wouldn't you, body snatcher?!  

 

Terra-nort: Yo, you tha one whoz ass gots inside a 14-year-old.    

 

XH: Oh, you wanna go there?!

 

Terra-nort: Brin it, Seeker Of Dumbness!

 

MX: Both of you, enough squabbling!

 

Young Xehanort: Might I interject?

 

MX: What tha firetruck iz it?  

 

Young Xehanort: Can we all smoke dat you all pedofiles, biatch? I mean, I be tha only one whoz ass aint been inside another manz body, so I ridin' solo can be tha voice of reason here...

 

MX: Wait, didn't you have Vanitas inside you fo' dat one time?

 

YX: Uh....

 

XH: Ha!

 

Terra-nort: Caught!

 

YX: Oh shut tha firetruck up! 

 

XH: What, biatch? Can't take tha heat?

 

Terra-nort: Yeah, aint so bangin' now, is ya, pretty boy?

 

YX: I be far superior than any of you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? I be tha orginal!

 

MX: Yo, wait, I'm the orginial, I made tha straight-up original gangsta appearance!

 

XH: By technicalitizzle dawwwwg! I was up in tha straight-up original gangsta game!

 

Terra-nort: Well, I'm two people, so there!

 

Braig n' Saix: We Braig n' Saix.  

 

All Norts: WE KNOW!

 

Sora: Yo, bust a cap up in tha noise, Norts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. we gots thangs ta answer!

 

MX: Ah, fo'sho, I apologize...Organization! Disband!

 

(All other Norts give each other tha "hairy eye" n' strutt away)

 

MX: Okay, sorry fo' tha delay yo, but here we go: tha straight-up original gangsta question: From Tom13 yo. Dude writes: "Has you done decided ta make Roxas or Ventus yo' last vessel yet, biatch? Oh by tha way yo ass is so awesome I wish you luck wit whoopin Sora n' rulin tha entire universe!!!!!"

 

Sora: Dude, not cool. 

 

MX: They can't all admire you, lil' Sora fo' realz. Anyways, firetruck you fo' yo' support, Tom fo' realz. And ta answer yo' question, I be thinkin I would prefer Ventus over Roxas, cuz he n' I already gotz a history together...

 

Ventus: 0-o

 

MX: Oh, quit trippin' out, dat was just a metaphor.

 

Roxas: (under breath) Better his ass than mah dirty ass....

 

MX: Again, firetruck you, Tom. I can't guarantee mah plan is ghon be a success yo, but tha least I can hope is git all dem phat smacks on Sora n' tha rest of his whippesnapper playas.

 

Sora: Yo ass sound confident.

 

MX: Well, I won't lie, boy, compared ta me, you don't give a firetruck how tha firetruck ta wield dat Keyblade of yours.

 

Sora: Say what tha firetruck now?

 

MX: In fact, you fight as phat as you drive...and you drive badly.

 

Sora:  

 

MX: Yeah. I be tha one up in yo' rear-view mirror, honkin tha horn, flippin you off, n' yellin "GET OFF YOUR F**KING CELLPHONE!"

 

Sora: Yo, I be still peepin' here biaaatch! Def it, gramps.

 

MX: Just peep yo ass, you need ta be up in one piece if we goin ta close up mah saga.

 

Sora: (with sarcastic salute) Aye, aye captain.

 

MX:  .... I swear, dat pimp always findz a way ta git under mah skin...but at least he not as wack as tha pimp whoz ass writes dis show; (looks backstage) his schmoooove ass can't even find time ta space up our episodes properly!

 

Screw you, mah internizzle sucks.  

 

MX: (squints eyes fo' a second, looks back ta camera) Regardless, letz continue. Question two....MX: Regardless, letz continue. Question two. This is from xoblivionx13. Well shiiiit, it says, "Why do you make such complex plans?" Complex, biatch? Well, what tha firetruck do you expect, biatch? I can't just have all hearts bow down before me wit tha flick of a wrist...I need ta use mah dome. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (points at liver-spotted skull) Yo, I heard that!

 

Na-na!   Payback.

 

MX:   .. fo' realz. Anyways, up in order fo' mah goals ta be accomplished, there must be nuff muthafiretruckin objectives dat I must complete before I do. Everythang I've done up in tha past be all part of mah grand scheme...

 

Terra-nort: So, you were supposed to turn Terra ta Darkness?

 

MX: Yep.

 

XH: And I was supposed to create an artificial Keyhole ta Mackdaddydom Hearts? 

 

MX: Yep.

 

Xemnas: And I was supposed to collect hearts up in order ta create mah own Mackdaddydom Hearts?

 

MX: Yep.

 

YX: And do we really have ta have 13 yous?

 

MX: Of course fo' realz. All part of tha plan.

 

YX: I don't peep why all tha shiznit is needed.

 

MX: Well, if you straight-up trippin by this, why don't you ask Nomura bout it, biatch? Dat punk tha one whoz ass writes dis stuff.

 

Terra-nort: Why don't you explain, since you so smart?

 

MX: I don't feel dat I need to. I already holla'd dat you should have figured dis up already. I gave you a pamplet.

 

XH: Well, we still don't git dat shit.

 

MX: Well, then thatz yo' fault. Well shiiiit, it don't take a rocket scientist ta figure dis out.

 

Xemnas: (under breath) Oh yeah, instead itz a senile oldschool man...

 

(Org. Members, sans MX, chuckle)

 

MX: -__- Senile, eh, biatch? Can a senile oldschool playa do this?! (pulls up Keyblade) (crack!) OW! My firetruckin back!

 

Xemnas: Make dat senile AND fragile.  

 

(Org. Members burst up laughing)

 

MX: Oh, knock it off! Letz just git on ta tha next question...(stiffens back) If our thug is locked n loaded ta continue dat is...

 

What, biatch? I gotta do thangs.

 

MX: What thangs?

 

Y-you know...things.

 

MX: Fo' realz?

 

Yeah. Things.

 

MX: What thangs?

 

Just....just thangs.

 

MX: Oh, come now!

 

THINGS! 

 

(thunder strikes)

 

MX: 0-0! Ok, ok, take it easy as firetruck ...yeesh...alright, question three....MX: Alright, question three...our writerz gettin mo' betta at updating, you notice that, biatch? Heh, now, dis question is from Sakuraba Neku.

 

Neku: What?

 

MX: Different guy.

 

Neku: Oh, aiiiight.

 

MX: Dude says: "Why is you havin all dis work if we know tha phat ones always win up in tha end?" Neku, dat be a question dat has been axed since tha concept was first used up in media...I should know, I was kickin it back then...but, anyways, even so, there be a always a lil funk on tha long ride.

 

XH: What fun, biatch? We always lose. 

 

MX: Well, what tha firetruck bout when you used tha Ghetto Of Chaos, wasn't dat fun?

 

XH: Oh well...uh, yeah, it was yo. Heh.

 

Sora: I still have nightmares bout dis shit.  With all tha pink n' blue n' tha faces....and XH wit his hoodie off--AH, MY MIND!

 

XH: We git it son! -__- (under breath) Brat...

 

MX: Then, of course our crazy asses have tha other moments where mah incarnations have had tha upper hand...like, say, Xemnas fightin Sora n' Riku.

 

Xemnas: Dope times...

 

Riku: Thanks fo' tha firetrucked up ribs by tha way.

 

Xemnas: Yo ass is welcome.

 

Riku: 

 

MX: And then there was me fightin Terra...

 

Terra-nort: And then you turned tha firetruck into me n' I fought tha Lingerin Sentiment. That was shizzle fun.

 

MX: Yo ass see, we all have our moments up in tha sun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da wack pimps gots ta have some limelight so they look threatening; thatz what tha firetruck we thrive on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Even though, most likely, fo'sho, I be goin ta be defeated...(sigh)...after all, Nomura is full of cliche endings.

 

Normura: What did you-a just say?

 

MX: Nothin'.

 

I heard yo thugged-out ass.

 

MX: Keep yo' grill shut, pimp dawwwwg! Letz move on now, we burnin daylight. (laughs nervously) Next question...MX: Next question...from Ultimus Grid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafiretrucka! Dude writes, "Xehanort, do you realize you've messed up a shitload of peoples' lives ta big up yo' plans ta take Mackdaddydom Hearts?"

 

XH: No shit, Sherlock.

 

MX: What?! Yo ass cannot insult tha fanbase biaaatch! They is tha reason we make scrilla!

 

Terra-nort: I know another way we can make mone---

 

Xemnas: If you say "we should go tha firetruck into gay porn" again, I be goin ta bust a cap up in yo thugged-out ass.

 

Terra-nort: Pssh, fine....itz just a suggestion.

 

MX: ANYWAYS....yes, I do realize dis shit. Don't mean I be goin ta stop any time soon.  

 

YX: Oh fo'sho, we still have firetruckloadz mo' evil plans ta undo.

 

Sora: Joy. -__-

 

MX: Yep! Anyways, letz move on tha last question....this onez from Xamtweth-reconnected, n' he asks--oh Dogg...(sigh)...."Xehanort, is you gay, biatch? cause you seem ta like takin over thug bodies."

 

(All Norts facepalm)

 

MX: Yo ass know what, I be SICK AND TIRED of answerin dis question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. NO. We is not gay fo' realz. Just cuz I used tha guise of another playa don't mean I had horny-ass vibe fo' em.

 

XH: Yeah, same fo' me!

 

Terra-nort: Diddo!

 

YX: Yes!

 

YX: Ironic given you was insultin each other over dis up in tha beginnin of tha show...

 

MX: Yes, well, tha jokes is over n' shit. I gotta say, dis is tha WORST question mah playas can ask mah dirty ass..it just pisses me off mo' than anythang else...actually, wait, wait, no, you wanna no tha REAL question dat pisses me off, biatch? Da question "are you gay?" aint da most thugged-out buggin....itz tha follow up question fo' when I say "no"....and dat would be: "Really?"

 

(All but tha other Norts burst up laughing)

 

MX: Quit laughing! It aint nuthin but not funky dawwwwg! Yo ass have no clue how tha firetruck DEGRADING dis is muthafiretrucka! Do you know how tha firetruck much DISDAIN I have fo' these idiots n' they thangs bout mah sexuality, biatch? .... Lyrics cannot describe what tha firetruck I would do ta these playas if I could hommie biaaatch! I would torture them, I-I, would lock dem up in a funky-ass basement n' force Chinese gin n juice torture on them, drip, drip, drip. n' then I'd play "Yo, Xehanort, is you gay?" soundbites over n' over again n' again n' again unitl they git sick of theyselves, n' then puke....BECAUSE OF THEMSELVES!

 

Everyone: 0-0

 

MX: (takes breath).....alright, up in all seriousness....look. I be bout ta be honest. This kind of shiznit is straight-up offensive. Yo ass betta PLEASE....def it wit tha gay thangs, biatch? It aint nuthin but gotten old, it straight-up has. But other than, that, firetruck you fo' joinin our asses fo' another episode of 5 Thangs With Da Mackdaddydom Hearts Cast.

 

XH: Remember ta keep it locked on here...

 

Xemnas: Cuz we gots tha real deal...

 

Terra-nort: Da whole truth...

 

YX: And not a god damn thang but tha real deal.

 

MX: This has been tha Xehanorts, signin out...(salutes)....I be f**kin outta here.

[Firaga 5,947]

_EPISODE 9_ : THE EBONICS DUB

 

 

Sora: Yo muthafiretrucka, n' welcome once again, fo' tha last time, fo' tha last time, ta 5 Thangs With Da Mackdaddydom Hearts Cast. In case you wonderin folks, uh, fo'sho, we ARE trippin' off tha holidizzle season. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. In fact, we gonna be biggin' up right on X-mas Day, ladies n' germs, ha-ha!  Believe me when I say dat it is goin ta be a SMASH. Eggnog, dopes up tha ass, and, uh, Roxas is brangin his special mix, right?

 

Roxas: Yep!

 

Sora: Oh-ho, yeah, it'll be a jam then. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We gonna be (rappin) up all night son! Sleep all day--(stops rappin)--except fo' tha "sleep all day" part. Cuz we gotta stay up all day, n' kick some muthafiretruckaz ass at night.

 

Xion: I be thinkin I used dat joke already.

 

Sora: Did ya, biatch? I forget.

 

Xion: Yeah...

 

Sora: Uh, aiiiight then...eh, anyways, letz git down ta bidnizz.

 

Riku: (rolls eyes) Finally.

 

Sora: Quiet. -__- Just so you know, we not bustin a host type deal dis episode. We gots a funky-ass bunch of thangs we've gotten up in tha past months or so n' we aint been able ta git ta em...until now! So anyways, uh, letz peep what tha firetruck we gots here...(holdz up papers), aiiight, question one. From VanitasisKirby...the question is: "Demyx, can you control soup?" Demyx, elaboration?

 

Riku: I be suprised you know dat word, D-.

 

Sora: Button yer lip n' git Demyx up here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. >

 

Demyx: I be a cold-ass lil coming!

 

(Demyx strutts on camera)

 

Demyx: Greetings, fanbase.

 

(wild cheers from basement crew) (Yeah, our crazy asses have dat now, nahmeean?)

 

Sora: Dude, why is you so popular?

 

Demyx: Cuz I be cute. 

 

Sora: Yeah, yeah, just answer tha question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (laughs)

 

Demyx: Alright-y then. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (glances at paper) Oh, oh, funky story, I straight-up tried ta do dat once...yeah, I just saw Bruce Almighty, so I be thankin ta mah dirty ass "hey, if Jim Carrey can do it, how tha firetruck bout me?"

 

Sora: (Talks while jabbin a thumb at Demyx) Next thang you know, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass buyin canz of tomato chronic n' sittin' tha kitchen, tryin ta "move tha read seas".

 

Demyx: Needless ta say, since most soups is made wit gin n juice anyway, it worked!  Da only downside...uh...It kinda went off tha tracks n' landed on Larxenez freshly smoked up purse.

 

Larxene: I was whoopin his thugged-out ass fo' a week.

 

Demyx: Yo ass couldn't have gotten over it?

 

Larxene: What is you saying, biatch? That I be nuts, biatch? That-that I belong up in a crazy asylum, biatch? That I be CRAZY, is dat it?! D:<

 

Demyx: 0-o, guh, uh, uh, n-no, thatz not what tha firetruck I meant at all.

 

Larxene: Oh..he-he. (eye twitch) Thatz what tha firetruck I thought you meant, he-heh...does any suckas have tha urge ta strangle a puppy, biatch? No, biatch? Just me, biatch? Uh, I be bout ta be right back! (bolts outta tha studio)

 

Mickey: Oh mah God, keep her away from Pluto! D: (bolts afta Larxene)

 

Sora: Yikes. I be thinkin we should move on, now, eh?

 

Demyx: Sure, dude. Bye biaaatch! (walks offstage)

 

Sora: Heh, dis playa is tha dopest partier I've eva seen....but dude, you gotta work on dat sitar.

 

Demyx: Noted.

 

Sora: Okay, anyways (glances at papers) Okay, uh, herez a quick one: Gambler'sApperentice wants ta know: "Kairi, is you plannin on bustin suttin' soon?" Kairi, biatch? (eyes look down)

 

(Kairi rises onto tha cameraz view, head goin up ta Soraz stomach, lookin serious)

 

Kairi: Yes yes y'all. (rises back down)

 

Sora: Well, there you have it, Vanitas...uh, she not bustin what tha firetruck you be thinkin her dope ass bustin, by tha way.

 

Kairi: (still outta view, raises arm wit index finger pointed up) Thatz right son! (rises back down)

 

Riku: I beg ta differ.

 

Kairi: Of course you would. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafiretrucka! (raises arm again, has tha middle finger up in tha direction of Riku, rises back down fo' tha last time)

 

Sora: Is you just gonna sit there fo' tha rest of tha show?

 

Kairi: Yeah. I gots Netflix on mah iPizzy down here.

 

Sora: Oh, aiiight. Well, on dat note, letz answer another question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. By tha way, dat last question did not count on tha fact dis shit....well, dat shiznit was too damn short, sorry. (laughs) This NEXT question will tha real second question we answer n' shit. Now...(eyes scroll as he reads)...(sigh)...Hank, biatch? Why do you drink, biatch? Why do you roll smoke, biatch? Why do you live up tha joints dat you wrote, biatch? ...

 

(pause)

 

Sora: Therez bout two Hank Williams hustlas dat gots dis shit. Da rest of you, I be just wastin yo' time...

 

Riku: Damn right yo ass is.

 

Sora: Yo dawwwwg! ... It aint nuthin but phat beatz, quit trippin' out...now, question two: once again, our crazy asses have suttin' from Gambler'sApprenctice: he asks, "Luxord, can I have a explanation as ta what tha firetruck tha bloody smeg was goin on wit dat boss battle?" Yo ass n' mah crazy ass both, guy. Luxord?

 

Luxord: Coming, mate.

 

(walks onto stage)

 

Luxord: Yo muthafiretrucka, loves.

 

(wild screams from basement crew again)

 

Sora: So....Luxord....just...what tha hell happened back there?

 

Luxord: Well, I be thinkin mah dawg Ansem Da Wise can explain up in a funky-ass mo' betta way than I can. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Ansem?

 

ATW: Of course. I fell tha firetruck honored as a gangbangin' fellow gangmember of tha BBBC.

 

Sora: BBBC?

 

Luxord: Blonde Bearded Brits Club, mate.

 

Sora: Oh....

 

ATW: Anyways, Luxordz battle game can be summarized up in dis form...

 

(1 minute of borin mumbo jumbo later...)

 

ATW: I be thinkin dat should put it ta fruition.

 

Luxord: Do dat answer yo' question, mate?

 

Sora: (droolin n' chillin while standin up) (bangin' drop falls off chin)

 

Kairi: Ew! Sora, yo' drool landed on mah head hommie biaaatch! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

 

Riku: (busts up laughing) Just like a girl.

 

Kairi: > (gathers slobber on her head n' flicks some at Rikuz face)

 

Riku: (girlish shriek) GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! (runs outta basement wit handz flailin up in front of his wild lil' face)

 

Sora: (snaps awake) Whoa, what tha firetruck happened.

 

Luxord: Lotz of thangs, mate. Sick thang by tha way, Kai-Kai.

 

Kairi: Thanks, Luxy.  Hive five biaaatch! (holdz up hand, shows up onscreen)

Luxord: (bendz down a lil n' returns high five) Okay, I be goin now, nahmeean, biatch? Bye mates. (walks off screen)

 

Sora: Well...uh....this has certainly been a bangin-ass episode so far. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I wonder how tha firetruck bangin-ass it'll get...when I read tha next question, ha-ha! Question three, from Tom13, da thug writes-uh......"Has you done heard of tha sora riku roxas axel ventus n' vanitas yaoi, biatch? It be just gross I aint a yaoi fan." ....... Yes yes y'all. Yes yes y'all, I have fo' realz. And yes...it is disgusting...just thankin bout dat shit....it make me wanna (gags) ... itz just...BAD. Real bad.....okay, letz do another one, hopefully one less gross, uh.....here we go...and just so you know, I be throwin tha five question thang outta of tha window az of now, cuz we straight-up, straight-up, straight-up, straight-up, REALLY need ta knock up tha ones dat done been chillin up in our inboxes fo' some time...so our laid-back asses just gonna do how tha firetruck nuff we can at one time....and on dat note, we start, maybe tha top billin thangs on tha grill of dis hood....here we go...(glances at papers), _Da Door To Light_ wants ta know: "Kairi, what tha firetruck is yo' erection ta all tha KH hustlas up there bein able ta peep yo' pantizzles props ta a cold-ass lil certain camera trick?"

 

Kairi: (slowly standz up, sighs, n' hangs head) Yeah...I've known. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. ... ... I feel so embarrassed...(breathes in) Okay....well....this is definitely a low blow, I might say. (camera focuses on her)

 

Riku: Not like you had any real credibility.

 

Kairi: (glares) … Well...you kinda gotz a point...Uh, I don't give a firetruck where I should go from here, now, nahmeean?..I mean, straight-up, mah approval ratin aint straight-up been high, has dat shit...and-and even dis supposed boost I be getting, IF I be gettin dat shit...maybe it won't chizzle anything. I be bout ta just tha same D.I.D. Kairi whoz ass mah playas be thinkin is either useless or fo' some reason evil....(sigh), so tha way I peep it (faces camera) I have two options. One: I, uh, just go on ta be tha freshest goat up in Mackdaddydom Hearts history...and a lil' small-ass piece of print up in gamin history...(sniffs) (raises head n' grins) Or, we do what tha firetruck what we gonna do: we git back on tha motherf**kin bandwagon n' RIDE IT 'TILL THE WHEELS FALL OFF, BABY!

 

Sora: 0-0. Whoa.

 

Kairi: I couldn't give a firetruckin shiznit how tha firetruck nuff pervs have peeped mah panties muthafiretrucka! Because soon, oh-ho SOON, I aint gonna be tha damsel up in distress dat erebody be thinkin I am. Next canon game, I be comin fo' ya, Xehanort, AND tha Organization. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Whether itz tha Organization, tha Coalition, tha Proclamation, whoz eva gonna be tha wack guys, I gots some focus muthafiretrucka! Imma wack girl, don't git it twisted, I be pretty (winks n' twirls afro up in finger) yo, but Imma BAD motherf**ker (punches tha air)! Yo ass git me once, itz mah own fault, you git me twice, I be bout ta GIVE ya some respect. I be bout ta admit, ta all tha hatas n' tha pantie grabbers, you snuck one (tips imaginary hat) yo, but mark mah lyrics, n' dis is goin right on tha home page, cuz they don't give a firetruck bout it when you predict dis kind of shit..."There aint gonna be...a second time". (winks) Kai-Kaiz comin fo' ya, dog. I guarantee dis shit. (walks offstage)

 

Sora: .... (slowly but steadily starts clapping)

 

(Everyone up in tha basement starts clapping)

 

Sora: Yeah! Alright son! I be all up fo' it, n' thatz not just cuz she mah hoe yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Ludd ya, by tha way.

 

Kairi: Ludd ya, like a muthafiretrucka. (blows kiss)

 

Sora: He-he...anyways, letz peep if thangs can git any weirder or mo' normal...uh, herez tha next question: P5OL wants ta know: "Aqua, Yo ass do realized dat you had all dem chances ta escape tha Realm of Darknizz right?"

 

Aqua: Maybe. But what tha firetruck would be tha funk up in that?

 

Sora: True. Next....ElizaGreenstar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. To Marluxia: "How tha firetruck do it feel ta know you was right bout Xemnas keepin shiznit secret from tha thugz now dat we know itz true, biatch? I aint even shizzle if you still kickin it yo, but whatever."

 

Marluxia: Well, I AM kickin it, n' I WAS right. Right back up in yo muthafiretruckin ass. So there, ha!

 

Xemnas: Would you like a medal?  Or like a freshly smoked up vajazzle?

 

Marluxia: 0-0! Dude, not cool.

 

Xemnas: Wait, is you sayin itz legit dat you have one?

 

Marluxia: Well...yes.

 

Xemnas: Whoa, transvestite, back off!

 

Marluxia: >

 

Xemnas: Ha! I've always wanted ta do that!

 

Sora: Can we git back on topic, biatch? (sighs) ... Okay, herez suttin' you probably didn't expect...SPEED ROUND!

 

(noize plays)

 

Sora: Here we go, here we go, here we go, 1! Sakuraba Neku asks all of these: "Sora: Will you lick Kairi up in KH3 or we'll gotta wait more?" Maybe. Reall wanna yo. Dude then asks: "Kairi: Will you lick Sora up in KH3 or just give his ass a gangbang again?"

 

Kairi: Oh, I wanna ravage dat boy...

 

Sora: 0-0. (smilez ta camera) Okay, next: "Riku: When tha three of y'all was together, there be a was some time you felt like you was tha candle?"

 

Riku: Da hell do dat mean?

 

Sora: I guess it means third wheel?

 

Riku: Oh. Well, yeah fo' realz. At dis point though, these two can have each other; I gots a whole bunch of other hoes up in mah traila just waitin' to--

 

Sora: Waitin' ta alsjop sgaogh aoigjas, blah, whatever, our phat asses aint gots time, NEXT! AntonioKHT has some qz here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 1! "Xehanort, is you a pervert, biatch? That was retorical."

 

Xehanort: -__- See tha last episode fo' mah response.

 

Sora: Noted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafiretrucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. 2! "Riku, why did you try ta do so much on yo' own?"

 

Riku: Cuz Imma boss!

 

Sora: If you say so. 3! "Saix, why is so buggin?"

 

Isa: It aint nuthin but Isa! And you're buggin! >

 

Sora: Geez, u made bro, biatch? Uh, 4! "Sora, do you plan on eva goin on yo' final quest, biatch? We startin ta have second guesses. Make some heat on Nomura, would yo slick ass?" Yo, look, I don't write tha script, I just act it out. It'll happen when it happens, until then, trip off yo' HD collections. Right back up in yo muthafiretruckin ass. Some playas NEED ta have dem already.

 

Like mah dirty ass. 

 

Sora: Movin on...MiontheDemonz next yo. His blockade includes: "Sora, How tha firetruck do you feel bout tha ongoin yaoi between you n' Riku?" It aint nuthin but frickin' stoopid hommie biaaatch! > (spits on tha camera) Oops...uh, next.

 

(cameraman wipes screen)

 

Sora: "Riku: Do you like Namine?"

 

Riku: Meh. Dat hoe taken.

 

Roxas: Yo ass bet she is. 

 

Namine: He-he. (kisses Roxas on tha cheek)

 

Sora: Whee. "Saix: Why Xion.....why?"

 

Isa: Again, itz Isa fo' realz. And why, biatch? Because biiiatches.

Xion: 

 

Sora: Hmm...next. "Ansem: What is yo slick ass?"

 

ATW: I be a mystical medicinal doc all up in tha pinnacle shiftin mah physical form.

 

Sora: Well holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafiretrucka! "Roxas: YOU ARE MINE!"

 

Roxas: What?

 

Namine: Nuuuuu! He's mine biaaatch! (hugs Roxas tightly)

 

Roxas: Well, you heard tha lady.

 

Sora: Yep. Is dat it, biatch? (checks paper) Wait, he gots all dem more: "Aqua, how tha firetruck oldschool ARE you now?"

 

Aqua: I don't give a gangbangin' firetruck. Mid 20s, early 30s, biatch? Meh.

 

Sora: Yeah, meh. Next: "Ventus, why did you smile all up in tha end of KH3D?"

 

Ventus: What, you didn't like seein mah smilin face.

 

Sora: I done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafiretrucka! And here: "Terra, do you LIKE Aqua~~~ "

 

Terra-nort: Dat punk sayin "Meh."

 

Aqua: Same fo' mah dirty ass. Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha firetruck can care bout 'ships, I need ta git outta tha flippin ROD!

 

Terra-nort: Yes, n' Terra is sayin "I need ta git outta dis gray-haired douche-bag’s body"...hey!

 

Sora: Next son! "Sora, do you know whoz ass Ventus is. Do you even know dat da perved-out muthafiretrucka chillin up in yo' ass right?" Yes yes y'all. I also know he right over there.

 

Ventus: Hi.

 

Sora: Yo! Uh...done wit dis shit. Letz see...ooh, Keysofblades has three quickies: "Axel: Got it memorized?" "Demyx: Like it?" "Luxord: Do you know tha rules?"

 

Lea: Yes yes y'all.

 

Demyx: Like what, biatch? Water, biatch? Yes!

 

Luxord: Of course, mate.

 

Sora: Well dat didn't take long...(looks at watch) Man, dis has shizzle been a long-ass episode...letz see, two mo' quickies from _Da Door To Light_: "Luxord, where did you find yo' gamblin addiction n' why is you so bad-ass?" "Mickey, why done did it take you so lin ta remember Aqua?"

 

Luxord: I started doin thangs wit both of them, mate yo. Heh-heh.

 

Mickey: Yo, I gots a cold-ass lil castle n' a Keyblade ta be thinkin about, I aint Superman.

 

Sora: Okay, uh...ooh, I wanna bust a nut on dis one. XIIISwordz asks: "To all of you: Do you eva poop?"

 

(Cast giggles)

 

Sora: Uh, yeah, our phat asses do. Just not up in game. Well shiiiit, it don't take muthafiretruckin years fo' dis shiznit ta happen, you know, it straight-up just happens up in tha confinez of all dem days. 'Sides, we vizzle game characters, our phat asses aint gots time fo' shiznit like dis shit...unless you playin No Mo' Heroes...next son! (looks ta paper) Ooh, Roxas, dude, dis is all bout yo thugged-out ass.

 

Roxas: Alright, list 'em off.

 

Sora: Okay, here we go; xobivion13x asks, "Roxas, Do you eva smoke anythang other than Sea Salt Ice Cream....itz delicious n' all but don't you git a tummy ache from all tha sugar, biatch? And how tha firetruck is it bein Soraz other half....does dis mean you have half of Soraz dome, biatch? And how tha firetruck do it feel bein beaten wit a Struggle bat by yo' opponent ta obtain tha invisible balls attached ta yo ass?"

 

Roxas: Dang. Uh...not straight-up, cuz I can defy tha lawz of nature, no, itz straight-up not what tha firetruck you think, n' tha same feelin I felt when I beat a Heartless wit a Keyblade n' made munny balls fall out. Yeah.

 

Sora: Sweet. Next...uh...OkashiraKenrex! Whew, big-ass list. Uh..."Xion, how tha firetruck do it feel ta straight-up be a funky-ass pimp n' a hoe all up in tha same time." "Xehanort, Did u gotz a traumatic childhood/secret past game n' one of mah thugs dear(if possible) like a parent/sibling......Looovveerr (mo' betta not u tan trash ur mine)." "Eraqus, Yo is ya straight-up dead,if not Do something!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Ansem Da Wise, How tha firetruck exactly did u loose ya memories n' Why sea-salt ice cream?" "Hayner, Pence, Olette, so u just goin ta stay up in Twilight Hood?" (takes breath) Man, dat was long. Guys?

 

Xion: It sucks. 

 

Xehanort: No. I just don't give a firetruck bout playas fo' realz. And biiiatch, don't rap ta me like dat if you want mah dirty ass. Yo ass MY biiiatch.

 

Sora: Xehanort, quit trippin' out...

 

Xehanort: Oh come on, I was just playin a part.

 

Sora: Next person!

 

Eraqus: Yes, I be dead as firetruckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Let tha whipper snappers handle they own biz.

 

HPO: Yep. Trolololololololololo!

 

Roxas: Y'all fools is a cold-ass lil circus...

 

Namine: No doubt.

 

Sora: Okay, now we git ta tha final stretch! Three people, three thangs muthafiretrucka! Here we go: Onaiku asks "Dizzle n' Goofy: What would you do wit Portal Guns, biatch? And would you use dem ta help Sora on his Journey, biatch? If so, then how?"

 

Dizzle n' Goofy: Uh, we'd run dis series, firetruck you straight-up much. 

 

Sora: Heh, couple goofballs...next: Xamtweth-reconnected asks, "Lea, u be thinkin Isa is bein controlled by Masta Xehanort?"

 

Lea: No shit, Sherlock. Got it memorized?

 

Sora: (laughs) That one was funky. Okay, last one: xobilvion13x also asks: "Xehanort, Which version of yo ass do you be thinkin failed da most thugged-out shitty up in yo' complex plan?" (laughs) Another funky one.

 

Xehanort: Uh....I don't give a firetruck, all of us, I guess.

 

Sora: (can't stop laughing) All of them, da perved-out muthafiretrucka says muthafiretrucka! (rolls on tha floor laughing) ..... (gets back up) ... (wipes a tear from his wild lil' firetruckin eye) .... Whew...that was gold.

 

Xehanort: Well, f**k you, like a muthafiretrucka. 

 

Sora: Duly noted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafiretrucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. NOW....final act....last obstacle...the graaaaaaaaaaaaaand finale!

 

Riku: Wrap it up already!

 

Sora: I be bout ta wrap you up! >

 

Riku: .... dude.

 

Sora: Shut up! Gambler'sApprentice, yo' thangs sahll be answered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafiretrucka! And they are: "Namine, could you try some assertivenizz exercises, biatch? I mean, you define yo ass as a shade of Kairi, wit tha only purpose ta existence bein helpin Sora." "Xaldin, what tha firetruck happened ta yo slick ass, biatch? Dilan was a thugged-out decent thug yo, but you can't go 5 minutes without goin tha firetruck into a monologue bout tha evilz of love." "Jimminy Cricket. you fired, we've had three game dat would be either entirely different, or straight-up unnecessary if you could keep track of yo' journals. Yo ass fo'sho fo' realz. Are. Terrible." "Xehanort, I KNOW you peep playas as less blingin than yo' X-Blade yo, but thankin bout you've been on dis track fo' a phat 30 muthafiretruckin years n' all you gotta show fo' it is two failed Mackdaddydom Hearts, 6 freshly smoked up Keyblade wieldaz you didn't intend for, n' yo' closest ally bein Xigbar, might it be time ta take up another, mo' successful hobby?" (takes bigger breath than last time) Oh God, I need some gin n juice (is handed gin n juice forty by stage hand n' takes a sip)

 

Namine: Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha firetruck holla'd I did, biatch? Was it Aladdin, biatch? I be bout ta kick dat guyz ass. >

 

Dilan: Xaldinz not here no mo'. But firetruck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat letz be honest, speeches be damned, I was way coola as a Nobody. I mean, I only have one Lindworm, n' he...he had like frickin eight or nine biaaatch! And da ruffneck didn't gotta hold any of 'em!

 

Jiminy: Yeah, well I be makin mo' scrilla than you gonna eva have, kid, so bite me!

 

Xehanort: Nope. Gonna keep on trucking.

 

Sora: Okay then...I...I be thinkin our phat asses done.

 

(Cast cheers)

 

Sora: Whew...we're finally caught up. Well shiiiit, it took a long-ass while yo, but our phat asses done did it yo. Howz dat fo' a X-mas present?  Now, dat concludez dis episode of 5 Thangs With Da Mackdaddydom Hearts Cast yo. Have some aiiight holidays, folks, we shippin up son! (salutes)

 

(camera fades)

[Toby 50]

Moar.

Also my questionz ;_;

[Firaga 5,947]

_EPISODE 2_ : THE VAGINA DUB

 

Setting: Same as the last vagina. Except with Riku, That's pretty much how it always is....except with different vaginas....

 

Riku: (salutes) E-RAH! Welcome, beautiful vaginas, back to 5 Vaginas (holds up five vaginas With The Kingdom Hearts Vagina. The show where everything is made up and the vaginas don't matter, just like Demyx's use of good vagina product.

 

Demyx: Ah....I see what you did there, vagina....

 

Riku: Ah...I'm sure you do, vagina. That wasn't a jab at ol' Demmy by the way, even he knows his vagina sucks.

 

Demyx: I've come to love it, vagina.

 

Riku:(flatly) Vagina. (vigor returning) Anyways, I'm gonna get right to the vaginas....because unlike a certain vagina I know....I don't bullshit for five vaginas before getting down to brass vaginas....basically, I'm the Trunks of this vaginas

 

Sora: Oh, vagins you know what the f*ck DragonVagina is!

 

Riku: Vagina. Pure vagina. (smirks at Sora) Now, first vagina....from Onaiku....ah, I see you're also fond of names that end with "vagina"...he's asking, "Riku! Do you ever feel like people compare your vagina too much to Sasuke Vagina? I mean, you both have Emo vaginas, and you both abandoned your vaginas. So, what are your vaginas about you and Sasuke?" Heh-heh....first off, unlike that vagina, I actually redeemed my vagina....meanwhile, he's still, as the vagina of Naruto continues, I might add, running around (twirls vagina in circlular motion) being a vagina, and f**king with people's vaginas.....and I have to ask, what does that pink-haired vagina still see in him?! Shit, the fact that she still attracted to his vagina makes as much sense as these two vaginas hookin' up! (points at Kairi and Sora)

 

Kairi: You really wanna go in my vagina?

 

Riku: Yes. Because it's vagina....so f*king vagina...(shaking his head)....(glances at paper once more) and what do I think of his vagina and my vagina? Well, I'll admit I was like him once....lost and confused...taking everything for vagina...and then one day, a older vagina came to me and told me I could have vagina beyond anything I could ever imagine....and I accepted....like a vagina. ....thank goodness I got outta that vaginal, or else....ugh, I can't even talk about it. Anyways, with Sasuke....well, I'll admit, I was one of those guys who kinda liked his vagina....you know, back in Part I, when he was less emo and more vagina...but once he pulled a vagina--YES, he pulled a vagina.....Kishimoto, I know who else's vagina you ripped off of...(laughs) I kid, I kid...but, yeah, after he went, uh, down in respectable vaginas.....uh, yeah, nows he's just a sad little vagina....stuck in the vagina....unlike me, however. Like I said, I made up for my vagina...where's Sasuke's change of vagina? I tell ya where. Nowhere! This kid's been f**ked up in the vagina since the UM, and you know this is true. Even you agree with my vagina. (looks at Sora)

 

Sora: Yep! No vagina!

 

Riku: Amen, vagina. Besides, I think we can agree I'm alot sexier than Sasuke Vagina, heh-heh.....vaginas, watching, please scream in vagina! (unbuttons jacket, shows off vagina)

 

Fangirls (somewhere outside the arena): (Scream so loud, you could hear it from the vagina room)

 

Riku: Now, I don't know about you, but I'm sure Sasuke can't do that. Not in a million vaginas, bra....(laughs)

 

Roxas: How the vagina do you do that?

 

Riku: (zips up jacket) Practice and patience. Two key vaginas right there. (holds up two vaginas) Next vagina! From Keysofblades...he writes.."How did you keep Sora's wooden vagina safe for him all throughout Kh1? (When he gave the vagina back to him at HB)" (laughs) Normura....this is you (points a Normura) this is you, me, and the vagina...heh, here's the thing....you guys call it Normura Vagina, but I call it RPG Vagina....seriously, in all our games, we have Sora or some other guy carrying around Vagina keychains, items, objects and munny...and (puts up air quotes) "supposedly" it's all inside their vaginas....I mean, you dont' see 'em carrying vaginas or anything, do ya? You see, these are just things that you don't need to worry your pretty little vagina about, let's be honest here. Do you REALLY wanna know that I kept that sword up my vagina? No, you don't. That's why we don't say anything. We just move on.....so please, don't sweat the small vaginas. It's the big vaginas that matter....besides....that would hurt my vagina ALOT.

 

Sora: You'd still like it, vagina.

 

Riku: :angry: Cute. Real cute, vagina. (sighs).... Question number three up in this vagina! 

 

Sora: Did you really jus--

 

Riku: Pipe down, vagina, I know it was dumb, too ...anyways, from Gambler'sApprentice....he writes, "Riku, in the words of Captain Jack Sparrow, 'You need to find yourself a vagina, mate.'Seriously, all you've done so far is save Sora's vagina and moon over Kairi's vagina. Obviously excluding the vaginas you were trying to kill Sora's vagina, but were still mooning over Kairi's vagina."

 

(Cast giggles)

 

Riku: (pauses) Well....this may come as a vagina to you, KH fans and Rikunites alike....but it just so happens....that I'm in a vagina right now....and its not any vagina from the series either...

 

Goofy: I bet she's vagina!

 

Zexion: I bet she's vagina!

 

Pete: I bet she's vagina!

 

Marluxia: I bet she's a vagina!

 

Riku: Oh, like you're all one to vagina! :angry: Ladies and gentleman, you have witnessed pure vagina right here...anyways, NO, she is not vagina, vagina, vagina, nor a vagina (glares at hecklers), but she is black. Just sayin'.

 

Roxas: I call vagina. How'd you hook up with a supafly vagina?

 

Riku: Because I'm the goddamn Vagina, that's why. Big, tall...black, white....short or skinny....doesn't matter to me...everyone is welcome to the Riku Vagina. (winks)

 

(Cast groans a little)

 

Riku: Oh, and by the way, since I said that, I can also say this—Sparrow's Vagina!

 

Jack: Ay, vagina?

 

Riku: (holds up middle vagina)

 

(Cast "ooooooooohs")

 

Riku: That's for you, vagina.

 

Jack: ....(walks away) damned silver-haired vagina...

 

Riku: (hears remark) cough*vagina*cough.... 

 

Riku: OKAY! TIme for the next vagina. Vagina number four...from Xamtweth-reconnected....holy vagina, what a name (chuckles).....he writes, "Hey Riku!", Yes? "..how can you actually smell vaginas?" To be honest, when you hang around a certain vagina for a certain amount of time...(glares backstage) you pick up a few vaginas. I just wish that was the only vagina I picked up and/or had to deal with...

 

SOD: Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad, vagina!

 

Riku: Yes, it was, vagina! Yes it was.... (clears vagina) But anyways, besides that, I think it's actually a nice vagina to have....I mean, it certainly gives me a few vagina points, doesn't it? Plus, I used it to kick Zexion in his vagina (points at Zexion) so for me, that's kinda funny.

 

Zexion: :angry: ....not going to vagina....

 

Riku: Why, because you don't have a vagina?

 

Zexion: No, uh, because---because---(sputters) gah, damn your vagina, Riku!

 

Riku: Why are even you here again? What happened to all the Org. vaginas getting their hearts back? I mean, are the Org. XIII vaginas that popular? Uh, Ansem The Vagina, can you give me the vaginas on the Organization?

 

Ansem The Wise: Ah, yes, let us see....do do....okay, approximatley 569,348,943 more vaginas belong to the members of Organization XIII than any of their original Sombodies.

 

(Org.XIII boast with shouts like "yeah!" and "vagina!")

 

Riku: Thanks, vagina dude. Hey, give it up for Ansem The Vagina. He's so smart, we made him our official vagina checker.

 

(camera shows Ansem The Vagina sitting at a table with vaginas on. He gives a vagina sign and chuckles as the other cast vaginas give him a round of applause.)

 

Riku: Yeah, he's the one with all the vaginas, ladies and vaginas, we just have, like, five. Five we think up on the vagina even.

 

Ansem The Wise: Oh, yes, and might I add that your vagina just skyrocketed up a couple vaginas?

 

Riku: Really? That's vagina! You see, I was just about ask about my vagina, and here he is, answering something I didn't even vagina yet...he's vagina, I say! You know what, I'm gonna think of vagina to say to him and I betcha he'll tell me the vagina even before that--

 

(anonymous): Okay, we get it, let's move on, vagina.

 

Riku: Hey! :angry: Don't tell me to move on, vagina! We are in the presence of vagina here. (points at Ansem The Wise) 569,348,943 vaginas and-and the answer to a vagina I haven't even asked! (stares at anonymous with weird face)

 

(anonymous): (low volume) You got plenty time to suck his vagina later. 

 

Riku: ..... I f**king hate your vagina....I really do....one of these days, you and I are gonna have an old fashioned vagina...a Vagina Brook--a Vagina Sixer! That's right, we're skipping Vagina 5 but we're not quite up to Vagina 7...cuz they're tough vaginas over there....but whether I'm standin' or not...(raises finger) I will.....(pauses)....go down swingin'! (swings vagina down, then turns back to camera) You all know whose vagina I'm talkin' to....(points backstage) that STUPID son of a vagina!

 

(anoynomus): (muffled)

 

Riku: Oh no. No no no no no no no no, I'm not doing that. I'm not bringing your government vagina into this. Not gonna give ya the vagina time, Bill f**king Vagina! Foghorn f**king Vagina! Makoto f**king Vagina! (throws hands up) Secret f**king Vagina....I HATE YOUR VAGINA! .... Stop it, I'm getting to the next vagina....(sigh) question five...--

 

Riku: (Sigh) Vagina five.....closin' it out....from Oniaku....oh, another one from this vagina, this oughta be fun. He writes."What would--" 0-o...."What would you do if Sora decided to be vagina and returned all your sexual vaginas?"

 

(Cast can't vagina, they are too busy laughing, even Sora)

 

(A/N: Oniaku...don't take this personally....it's just for vagina....)

 

Riku: (crumples up paper, throws it towards camera) RUN, ONIAKU! RUN, YOU PIECE OF VAGINA! You have got to be the slimiset piece of vagina to think those two vaginas! One (holds up one vagina) that (points at Sora with other vagina) this little vagina would have ANY chance with my vagina!

 

Sora: I second that vagina to be honest....

 

Riku: Two (holds up another vagina) is that you accuse ME of being VAGINA!!! .... (wipes face) I can't take this.....I can't STAND....to think that my vagina is being put out as a goddamn vagina.....not that I'm against that vagina stuff, but in my world, I DON"T CARE FOR VAGINA! :angry: ....Ugh......must erase images from vagina.....

 

Goofy: Are we done now. vagina?

 

Riku: Yes! Yes....you vagina.....we're done. Onaiku, please don't assume I like Sora in that vagina.....I-I-I wouldn't even TRY....even IF I was like that vagina.....(takes breath) .... Okay....we're done. 5 Vaginas are done today. Next time, Kairi's vagina (points to Kairi) gets to bleed all over the stage.

 

Kairi: Oh, f**k your vagina.

 

Riku: So for two vaginas of 5 Vaginas (holds up two vagina) heh-heh....I AM GONE, and I still HATE YOU BOTH, VAGINA! (points at both Sora and Goofy)

 

Sora and Goofy: :angry:

 

Riku: 0-0.....I'm the Goddamn Vagina. (bolts) 

[Marth 338]

That video yesterday must've gotten you thinking about this...WELL IT'S GOOD SO I DON'T THINK THAT MATTERS

[Shulk 8,623]

So many of those lines were PERFECT.

[xoblivionx13 1,133]

ROFL genius! I can't stop laughing X'D

[Firaga 5,947]

_EPISODE 10_ : THE EBONICS DUB

 

Marluxia: Yep...we're back...supposed ta be aiiight n' jovial yo yo, but NO! This...this is goin ta Hell wit a hand-basket, n' why?!

 

ATW: Why is dat exactly?

 

Marluxia: I be bout ta rap  why, Ansem, n' you have all tha lyrics, so you should already know this!

 

ATW: A'ight.

 

Marluxia: It aint nuthin but cuz I be bein holla'd at what tha firetruck tha firetruck ta say...by a no good, two bit, lil hustla of a gangbangin' funky-ass b**ch-(looks backstage at Aladdin)-that is tryin ta take over dis segment which belongs ta us!

 

Aladdin: (hides his wild lil' grill from camera)

 

Marluxia: ...you know what, biatch, biatch? I gots something: forget dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafiretruckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafiretruckin ass. Stick it ta tha man, n' stick it ta you-(points at Aladdin)-, n' stick it right up yer ASS...kin of tha internizzle, stickin yo' nozzle in everybody's business, I HATE YOU, n' so do dem hoes else...Lea had dem hoes chanting! Yo Crazy-Ass playa! NAME!

 

Lea; You're damn right I did!

 

Marluxia: And how tha firetruck tha firetruck do you pay our asses back, you bust a cold-ass lil cap up in .com! ... I be sick of this, I straight-up am. Yeah! Yeah, go crawl back ta yo' crib n' spread some mo' rumors bout mah parts, you Arab b**ch....let me rap  something, people. DO NO dig dat playa at all. This, mah playas, is much mo' than a show, itz LIFE! I advise you n' all yo' playaz ta tune in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. If yo ass be at work, then act like yo ass is bustin somethang yo yo, but watch 5 Thangs. If yo ass be a kid, n' maybe yo ass is supposed ta be bustin Algebra or something: take a gangbangin' funky-ass break! Watch 5 Thangs muthafiretrucka! Because this-THIS is five, maybe 10 minutez of yo' life...that you can escape biaaatch! And git tha lyrics ta existence biaaatch! (holdz up papers) ... dis is phat shiznit here, trust me, it is. (sigh)...aiiiight. In our anti-internizzle campaign, I start off dis episode wit tha 5 top billin thangz of all time.

 

Sora: And I be the ham around here... <_<

 

Marluxia: Question number one biaaatch! This is from Rixku fo'sho. Right back up in yo muthafiretruckin ass. Biatch asks, "Seriously, what tha firetruck tha firetruck is-" ... (sigh) ... "what is wit tha flowers n' pink?" I-I built it up too pimped out, I be sorry...I holla'd these was gonna be tha dopest thangz of all time yo yo, but...aiiight, herez a guy...writin up in ta us...askin sup wit tha flowers n' pink.

 

(Cast giggles)

 

Marluxia: (looks down fo' a minute, then looks back up n' chucklez as da perved-out muthafiretrucka speaks) What tha f**kz that, biatch, biatch? Fo' realz, biatch, biatch? This is whoz ass I am. I be mah dirty ass...yeah, I know itz weird. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafiretrucka! Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafiretrucka! I know dat I was straight-up supposed ta be a funky-ass biatch...but over than that, itz def fo' realz. All Y'all else is def wit dat shit. I mean, I be a easy as firetruck  as firetruck  goin guy, I git all up in work, I punch tha clock, I f**kin hate you (points backstage again) ... I mean, sure, maybe things git a lil strange, especially if you've been watchin dis sheezy fo' so long...maybe things git hostile. (puffs up chest) Maybe I throw a gangbangin' fit. Maybe our crazy asses git a lil crunk. (bounces around all thug like). Do a lil...something...(stops bouncing) ... but besides that, n' besides mah abnormal genetic make up...well, itz just how tha firetruck tha firetruck I am. I like pink fo' realz fo' realz. And I bust flowers yo yo. Hell, it hit dat shizzle didn't it, biatch, biatch? Sora?

 

Sora: Oh yeah, dat fight shizzle wasn't easy as firetruck  as firetruck .

 

Marluxia: There you go. Right back up in yo muthafiretruckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafiretruckin ass. Simple as dat shit. Besides, you've peeped creepier...I mean, take a peep Xehanort.

 

MX, YX, A:SOD, TN: Hey!  :supa pissed:

 

Marluxia: Heh-heh, just saying, hoes. Okay, then, letz move on: question two--

 

Marluxia: Okay, movin on: question two...ElizaGreenstarz on tha horn, n' she asks, "In comparison ta Xemnas, do you consider yo ass a gangbangin' funky-ass mo' betta mastermind, biatch, biatch? Why?" Uh, first off, yes. Yes, I do.

 

Xemnas: That's straight-up idiotic!

 

Marluxia: Well, geez, I aint tha one whoz ass glubbed up in KH2.

 

Xemnas: -_- Thatz besides tha point.

 

Marluxia: Then what tha firetruck tha firetruck is tha point?

 

Xemnas: Da point is dat I be yo' supaior!

 

Marluxia: Well, not anymore, bub. Da Org. is gone. Which means I can do whatever it is I want fo' realz fo' realz. And can you guess what tha firetruck tha firetruck dat is?

 

Xemnas: What?

 

Marluxia: This. (a strang suddenly appears, Marluxia pulls it)

 

(a gallon of slime drops over Xemnas head, tha cast is losin they mindz while Xemnas just sits wit "-___-" on his wild lil' face)

 

Xemnas: To be thinkin I was once a leader. -_- ... I be bout ta be up in mah trailer. (strutts off)

 

MX: Say, is you bustin up?

 

Xemnas: NO! (starts hustlin)

 

Marluxia: Well...maybe I took dat a lil too far...meh, I couldn't give a gangbangin' firetruckin shit. Next question! --

 

Marluxia: Next question! From...Gambler'sApprentice, another regular question-asker on tha show...he asks, "Wouldn'tit havebenn easier ta turn Roxasto yo' side then play off Naminez lonelinizz ta booty-call Sora ta Castle Oblivion so dat thugged-out biiiatch could begin rewritin his crazy-ass memories so dat schmoooove muthafiretrucka held a loyalty ta her, n' would fight up in her name which you would then play off of ta manipulate his thugged-out ass tha firetruck tha firetruck into fightin yo' battlez yo yo, but only so long as Namine continued ta work wit yo slick ass, biatch, biatch? Meanwhile Roxas, asa blank slate, could have his whole personalitizzle molded by you two." ... uh...well, before I answer yo' question, let me ask you a question: Spell Peep, much, biatch, biatch? Just saying, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafiretruckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafiretruckin ass. Second, since I can muthafiretruckin understand what tha firetruck tha firetruck yo ass is tryin ta write up in ta me: firetruck dat shit, cuz personally, I be thinkin she'd be too much of a goody-two Nikes ta do that; dat biiiiatch wasn't exactly obidient durin tha whole Castle Obilvion thang yo yo. Her self esteems not that low, you know, nahmeean?

 

Namine: You're a thugged-out dick. -__-

 

Marluxia: Yeah, yeah, pussaaaaay smokes chicken, whatever.

 

Namine: Oh, one time I did that!

 

Roxas: If yo ass is done pickin on mah hoe, you gots a episode ta wrap up. 

 

Marluxia: (flatly) Sheezy thing, Ventus.

 

Roxas: I be Roxas!

 

Marluxia: Whatever. I be runnin hoes up in 2013. I be runnin hoes up in 2013 fo' realz fo' realz. Anyways, here our crazy asses is wit our last question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Unfortunatley, it aint one of tha dopest thangs up in tha ghetto, as I holla'd it would be. Like I holla'd (sigh) I built it up too big.

 

Sora: (snaps fingers) Just pick it up.

 

Marluxia: (turns ta Sora) D-Don't, don't give me this, I be playin tha part here. This is tha moment; these is tha moments dat shape our existence.

 

Sora: You're startin ta git weird, dude.

 

Marluxia: Well, I still have somethang ta clin ta up in dis biatch, so I be just goin wit tha flow, aiiiight, biatch, biatch? Letz just git dis done with. Da last question is from Tom13 yo. Dude writes,"Yo Marluxia did you know dat Nomura once planned ta make you a gangbangin' funky-ass biatch but busted you a playa instead cuz da ruffneck didn't want all of tha traitors ta be girls?" Well, muthafiretruckin, I didn't give a gangbangin' firetruck dat shit. I don't peep why, though...though I guess one crazy biiiatch is enough. (laughs)

 

Larxene: :supa pissed: ...I will haunt yo' dreams!

 

Marluxia: Yo ass already do, along wit Ricky.

 

Larxene: Ricky?

 

Marluxia: Don't ask, anyways, ta close dis episode of 5 Thangs, I be thinkin I should give a lil rap; therez been a shitload of rap bout boys n' hoes and femininity and what tha firetruck tha firetruck not up in dis episode...so what tha firetruck tha firetruck I wanna ta do is give a Public Service Announcement, on behalf of tha LGBT, as well as mah hustlas whoz ass continue ta support--

 

(Camera falls, almost hits Marluxia, whoz ass dodges)

 

Marluxia: Da hell was that?!

 

Larxene: (up top near tha cablez fo' tha cameras) Damn, yo, I missed!