Every time I go into depressed I try my best to push it away but I always end up taking it out on the nearest person . It gets worse and worse and each and every time I'm getting closer to taking a razor blade and cutting. Everything is changing and that is just making it worse.

So maybe if I try vanting it would help? 

I don't know.

I;m always trying to block it out by smiling and being stupid and acting happy but it isn't working at all and it's killing me more and more each day.

It started in 2011 cause of the shit that was goin on but I didn't think it would follow me for 2 years now.

Music was helping but no it isn't.Reading was helping but now it isn't.

Writing was helping isn't .

Everything that I had that helped me is now fade into something I just do.

I hope I'm making sense. 

If not Idc. I need to vant and maybe that will help.

 

My mom is selling her office that she had for years and everybody made money there , my fav place to eat is now closing down.

I won't be able to go to the lib anymore since it was near my mom office. Luan won't say 2 words to me.

My grandmother loves her daughter-in-law more then me and bought me shitty stuff while she bought her daughter-in-law a what? 300 dollar dress but at least she got me a book that came with my school papers. 

There more to it but I don't think I should them .

nothing is fitting me anymore and I feel like shit all the firetrucking time and I never sleep anymore. Every time I try eating something , there's something in my head telling me I'm fat and I should be a shamed. 

 

I feel like I'm annoying everybody around me and I feel like I'm just that firetrucking bitch nobody likes and everybody pity's.

 

I'm sorry but I just needed to vant and I'm not gonna do it on Tumblr since I already got hate for it.

 

Believe it or not things are not that bad, right now you're just going through some rough changes. I know it seems bad but I wouldn't start cutting yourself yet. You're growing up change is inevitable, however despite it all the things are happening to you they do get better. As bad as it you may have it there is always someone out there who has it worse. Take life for what it's worth, it's to short to sweat the small stuff. Trust me things have a way of working themselves out, you just have to take the steps to make it happen.

You are making sense, depression is awful. It makes everything you love unenjoyable. It also contributes to insomnia, which is bad because if I remember correctly synaspses or something about the brain which makes you not paranoid only work when they have sleep. You aren't annoying me. I don't know you that well, but I empathize with you and I don't do that with people I don't like. I don't pity you, in fact I envy you in the sense that you can talk about your issues openly.

If you can get one of your parents to agree, try to see a counselor or a psychologist to maybe sort out your thoughts and feelings. It doesn't mean that you'll need anti depressants, but it does wonders to talk to someone, at least for me.

if you cant, but need to get stuff off your chest, you can always PM me. i may not always respond or have advice, but i will be there to listen if you want

as for not wanting to eat and feeling disgusting, not eating will make your depression worsen. please try to eat at least something every day. treat yourself to a nice meal every so often. it helps a lot too when you treat yourself to something

if you're feeling bad, do something for yourself

do your make up (if you like doing your make up)

paint your nails

redecorate your room

maybe rearrange your room

scribble on some paper to relieve pent up anger

rip paper up

go out for a nice walk (exercise can help battle depression)

maybe go outside and scream if you can

scream into a pillow

if you really want to hurt yourself, hold some ice in your hand instead. its painful but less dangerous. 

You can always try going for a jog or walk around your neighbourhood. It's what I do when I feel keeping myself at home seems useless to me, but depressions can be anything that affect us.

 

If that's not working, follow what Koko says.

I've seen a lot of depression going around lately.  I'm very sorry to hear about all the problems you're going through!  Just know that you're not alone, that there's others out there too who are suffering from a similar situation as yourself.

 

Everyone's different, but it sounds to me that you could do to build your self-esteem up.  Stating things such as you think you're not as loved as your, what, sister-in-law...?, thinking you're fat  and you're a bother to everyone around you isn't the image you need to have for yourself.  In this day and age a lot of us like to put each other down to make themselves feel better, so we've really got to combat that by helping ourselves out.  Again, I'm not sure if this is a problem for you, but when I started coming up with a better self image of myself and convincing myself that I was just as worthy as my peers, I really tackled a lot of my depression and problems along with it.

 

It sounds like you're just going through a rough patch in life right now.  And, it might be hard to believe and sound cheesy, but it really does get better.  Even if it doesn't seem like it will.  Just focus on getting through this rough time, even if it's only the next week, month or three years.  Something'll change in your life that'll change either your situation or the way you perceive it, so you've just got to hold out until that happens.  I've been battling pretty severe depression for the past four years, and the only way to make it through is focus on things getting better.  They will; I can just about promise that.

 

Self-harm is an easy way to let out anguish and frustration and make yourself feel better afterward, but don't do it.  Once you start it's extremely hard to stop.  And, honestly, the short-lived benefit outweighs the long damage you'll suffer from it.  There's other ways to express such anguish, such as writing a journal entry, drawing a picture, or, as you did, posting on here.  Just know that we're always here for you and happy to hear you vent!  And, if there's anything I can do, please feel free to shoot a PM my way.  I might not be the fastest at resonding, but I'll definitely be there to help.