I've been told that I'm a good person. I've been told that I'm lacking. I've been told that I'm understanding. I've been told that I'm stubborn and impulsive. I've been told that I'm lazy. I've been told many things by many different people. Some of them know me, some of them don't. Some of them try to know me, some of them don't. Who do I trust? People are different and see things differently. I can say a few things for certain. I'm horribly skeptical. I can't trust a damn word hardly anyone says. So many people in this world lie and so many of them are good at it. How can you trust anyone? I live in fear everyday because of these thoughts. I'm a goddamn coward and these thoughts tell me that everyone is out to get me and for the simplest little reasons... so what do I do? Tell myself that I'm wrong and then get hurt? Or listen to the thoughts and miss out on a possibly good life experience? I'm also very shifty. I am not set well in any kind of beliefs. I can see so many different sides and I find it very hard to pick which one I agree with because of it. It makes life pretty scary. Not knowing what's true and what isn't. I'm pretty hard on myself a lot of times, but I'm also pretty arrogant deep down. I sometimes feel like I'm on a "higher plane" of thinking than others. Which only makes me feel like a pretentious asshole for ever feeling that way. I don't want to feel like I'm better than others. I hate that kind of cocky attitude. Yet it happens anyway. I feel like if I can understand all these points of views and agree with them then that makes me more intelligent than them, right? Or maybe it just makes me weaker because I can't just pick one and stick with it. I'm so confused and lost about what life is all about because for one person life is one thing and for another it's another thing... I never did like those video games that let you pick what you wanted to do. I always felt ripped off of another path. Of course in a video game you can always start a new file and check out that path. Not life... I'm just tired of feeling lost. I want some direction. But I have to figure that out and only I can tell myself what I truly want. If only I actually knew what I wanted. Instead I sit here... alone with my thoughts and I dwell. My heart aches and my throat and chest lock up. I rot away, wondering if I could've found what I truly wanted and yet I'm wasting it away listening to my second, third, fourth, fifth thoughts... I don't even really know where I'm going with this. I just wanted to put all this out there. I kinda just improvised. Thanks for listening.

I feel for you, man.  I have a lot of the same feelings, especially when I'm alone at night.

 

Maybe I'm just a wide-eyed idealist, but I really believe that if you keep looking for your direction, you'll find it.

And you don't have to feel pretentious for being able to step back and see a bigger picture than everyone else.  If more people could just do that, I think that an awful lot of problems wouldn't be problems.  In a way, you really are a better person for being able to step outside of yourself.  I admire that.

 

Just know that you're not alone, and that while a lot of people are idiots, a lot of them really do mean well.

Big thing you have to ask yourself is, do you want to be happy and enjoy life or do you want to spend your time worrying about everything and being a wreck.

The world is full of idioits just  chill and watch the fireworks Who brought the fireworks and also think to yourself what Makes You Happy

I'm going through my own issues about caring what others think.  I swing in and out of either finding a healthy balance, and trusting the criticism of everyone except for myself, because after all, it's not like I'm eeever right or have reasonable judgment, right?

 

When people tell you to be yourself or just stop caring, they rarely tell you how to do it because they underestimate just how firetrucking hard it is for someone who worries to just stop worrying.  Thing is, you don't "just stop" worrying about whatever, like what other people think.  You wouldn't stop doing anything unless you had reason to, right?

 

There's a healthy balance between worrying and being secure in yourself, and sad to say, no one can tell you where that line is because everyone has their own idea of where it is.  For some people, it's there because the line is where it works for them personally; for others, they put the line too far in one direction or the other, for one reason or another, so they might not be the best source of information to tell you how to live your life.  I'm still trying to figure out where to put that line, and lord knows how firetrucked up I'd end up if I followed my own parents' examples.

 

Problems like these aren't things others can solve for you, because it boils down to how you act upon them.  But, I can give you some tips I picked up along the way that might make things easier on you.

 

-Consider the source.  Some people will know what they're doing, while others could be full of crap.  You won't ever truly know, but you can make some reasonable assumptions that their claims carry weight.  A successful, grown man telling you how to manage your money would be a better source for guidance than a middle-aged guy with four kids and an income that just barely puts them above poverty.  Even so...

-What works for them might not work for you.  You know how everyone's different?  You and the successful grown man could have vastly differing principles.  Maybe he can manage his money well because he's happy pinching every penny he's got, while you might be someone who'd like to splurge from time to time.  This is something I learned not long ago--someone can have traits you admire, but there's a price to pay for getting those traits, and the tradeoff might not be worth it to you.

-Everyone has their own ideas, so you'll have to make yours.  Everyone has something to say, something they think is right, and they might not be completely in the wrong.  In that case, who do you know to listen to?  Well, there's the above two tips.  There's also how floating in a void of, "Well, this is right, no this is right, no you're wrong" is actually a lot scarier than putting your foot down and having your own perspective.  How do you get your own perspective?

-Use empirical evidence.  Experience the world and see what works for you and what doesn't.  See how some peoples' claims can have a point, while others' weren't as founded.  This requires being proactive and observant and not-lazy (the latter is especially difficult).

 

There's no set way of living, and anyone who tells you how to live are saying what works for them.  I'm doing the same with this post, and you can take or reject everything I just said.  There comes a time when you have to have introspection and decide for yourself what you want to believe in.  It's easier said than done, because I totally get the feeling of how everyone has a point, so who do you trust?  Well, if everyone has a point, so you do; it just takes work to make one.