Here's the story so far, earlier this year my friends girlfriend showed up at our school and later they broke up. Then I start speaking more to her, this upsets my friend and he doesn't speak to either of us. Months later she and I get closer as we go to prom together. Currently we still talk and she and I have decided to remain friends until the day comes when I change enough I dont remind her of him. Last night another one of my friends texts me and tells me she and my former friend want to make up and start over. At first I don't believe him and I give him all the reasons she should not be with him, after all if she says there is a chance for us to become more than friends why would she go back to the one who treated her terribly. By the way this boy is sexist, racist and an all around bad person. All I'm saying is I'm afraid to believe it and I know she knows better, but its happened before.

Anyone who can relate or give advice I would very much appreciate it.

You said you changed enough to not remind her of him. So, my hypothesis is when they broke up she lost the role that he was filling. You were similar enough to act as a replacement for him, (and not someone to replace the role he was filling) and when you changed enough you didn't work as HIS replacement anymore. So, now that she feels better because she was with you she wants to go back to the guy she got a replacement for. So I have a feeling that if things don't work out between them again, she will find another guy similar enough to him date him, feel better and then who knows what.

 

Though as I said that is just a theory. I make no claims that it is correct. But if she is willing to fall into the same trap over and over again, sadly, there is nothing you can do about it... I don't claim to understand people or have a lot of experience in this matter, but if worse comes to worst you will have to abandon her to what ever fate she is chasing after. People are confusing, especially people that aren't you.

You said you changed enough to not remind her of him. So, my hypothesis is when they broke up she lost the role that he was filling. You were similar enough to act as a replacement for him, (and not someone to replace the role he was filling) and when you changed enough you didn't work as HIS replacement anymore. So, now that she feels better because she was with you she wants to go back to the guy she got a replacement for. So I have a feeling that if things don't work out between them again, she will find another guy similar enough to him date him, feel better and then who knows what. Though as I said that is just a theory. I make no claims that it is correct. But if she is willing to fall into the same trap over and over again, sadly, there is nothing you can do about it... I don't claim to understand people or have a lot of experience in this matter, but if worse comes to worst you will have to abandon her to what ever fate she is chasing after. People are confusing, especially people that aren't you.

Holy crap, well said

$|-|!T got real. Just work it out.

Shazow reminded me of something I didn't say, unless if she is treating you like crap, don't cease being friends with her just because of her choice. And I used the words abandon her when I should have said let her go. The difference being that one you cease all communication with her and the other is that you just let her choose her fate. If you were dating her for real and being a friend for her for real then you shouldn't let her doing this destroy your friendship... Sure it is painful to care about someone and then let them seemingly ditch you to go into a situation where they might get hurt. When someone is digging their own pit (or grave), so to speak, all you can do is watch and offer a hand if they realize that they didn't mean for this. And if you abandon someone because they are off doing that digging you might not be able to help them when they need help the most. Will she ever realize that she might be digging a pit and choose to stop it? Who knows. Do you have to put up with her doing that? No. But the real question will you watch and provide a way out if needed? And if you do eventually help her out, will you still be able to trust her as more than a friend? If not, just try to keep that in mind. Though just remember their are multiple perspectives to every story, and who knows what's going on her head.

after all if she says there is a chance for us to become more than friends why would she go back to the one who treated her terribly. .

 

This has been going on since the beginning of time.