>Be me >grow up my whole life keeping a pet onion I found at a swamp >I named it Shrekky >I named it that because I love Shrek >I visit my dad's house one weekend (divorced parents) >He told me my onion was stupid >So I burned his house down >He says it was my fault >YouGottaBeKiddingMe.png >Takes me to court >I bring Shrekky the onion to court >Judge sentences me to life in prison >Suddenly the onion begins rumbling violently >rises into the air and begins to glow >grows giant and begins to ogreshadow the whole room >onion explodes as Shrek bursts out from within its layers >mfw the onion was a cocoon >"HEEERE'S SHREK" >snaps his green ogre fingers >all the non-brogres in the room turn into naked Farquaads, they were so tiny >The judge turns into an earwax candle >Shrek grants all the believing Brogres in the room a copy of the entire shrek saga on blu-ray discs >"Your sins have been Shrekonciled" >Shrek picks me up and swallows me whole >I explore Shrek's shreksy innards with a fairy as my tour guide >So many layers >After a full tour with stops at cafeterias with ogrelicious foods, I see a light at the end of the tunnel >I fly out of Shrek's body gracefully, wearing a Shrek ear hat >I knew my journey was ogre, but I didn't want it to be >I look up to see Shrek about to leave through window >I scream, not wanting him to leave: "IT'S NOT OGRE, IS IT?!" >Shrek looks me in the eye triumphantly and says, "It's never ogre, laddie." >Bestows upon me a golden onion >There is no greater joy >Shrek is eternal >Shrek is love >Shrek is life
SHREK'S ONIONS CAN BEAT A PUMPKIN ANY DAY
I HAVE A TESTIMONY
>Be me
>grow up my whole life keeping a pet onion I found at a swamp
>I named it Shrekky
>I named it that because I love Shrek
>I visit my dad's house one weekend (divorced parents)
>He told me my onion was stupid
>So I burned his house down
>He says it was my fault
>YouGottaBeKiddingMe.png
>Takes me to court
>I bring Shrekky the onion to court
>Judge sentences me to life in prison
>Suddenly the onion begins rumbling violently
>rises into the air and begins to glow
>grows giant and begins to ogreshadow the whole room
>onion explodes as Shrek bursts out from within its layers
>mfw the onion was a cocoon
>"HEEERE'S SHREK"
>snaps his green ogre fingers
>all the non-brogres in the room turn into naked Farquaads, they were so tiny
>The judge turns into an earwax candle
>Shrek grants all the believing Brogres in the room a copy of the entire shrek saga on blu-ray discs
>"Your sins have been Shrekonciled"
>Shrek picks me up and swallows me whole
>I explore Shrek's shreksy innards with a fairy as my tour guide
>So many layers
>After a full tour with stops at cafeterias with ogrelicious foods, I see a light at the end of the tunnel
>I fly out of Shrek's body gracefully, wearing a Shrek ear hat
>I knew my journey was ogre, but I didn't want it to be
>I look up to see Shrek about to leave through window
>I scream, not wanting him to leave: "IT'S NOT OGRE, IS IT?!"
>Shrek looks me in the eye triumphantly and says, "It's never ogre, laddie."
>Bestows upon me a golden onion
>There is no greater joy
>Shrek is eternal
>Shrek is love
>Shrek is life