So, this is going to sound anti-productive, but I can't get out of this state of semi-hopelessness. It's going to sound stupid but... Everyone, even if they don't know what they want to do in life, are excited to get out there and begin. But I don't think anything good is ahead of me. I don't see any career that I'd want to do. I don't know why I think like this, but I do. I have never enjoyed school fully, except a few classes, and find social situations unnerving, so I don't have many good physical friends, just virtual. I am not looking forward to having to work 9-5 every day to make money, have three hours to myself, and continue feeling like this every day. I feel like I will never enjoy my life as that is I'm not sure what I want to do with my life yet, and I know I still have time, but I'm starting to get worried. I want to go to college, but I don't want to go to a college not knowing what I'm going to college for. There are things that I like doing, but they are very unlikely jobs, and I will never get the skills to be anywhere good enough for them. I try to think positive, like "I miss having people to talk to, but at least I get to come home to my good kh13 friends," but that trying to be positive only stays for a few days before I crash again. Now, that was the job portion.The other portion is just being generally unhappy. My family is broke, my neighborhood is mostly drug dealers, pedo's, and perverts, I can never leave the house, I hate going to school, I hate waking up in the mornings (in fact, I wake up every morning reminding myself how much I hate my life) and I hate being ridiculed every day. I hate not being good at a single thing. I wish there was someone I could talk to in my life, besides a bunch of people I've never actually met. I'm tired all the time. Everyday feels like a Friday because I've done so much work that I'm just exhausted and ready for a break. I hate the body I am in, and every attempt to change it, something happens and I have to stop. I often feel like there is so many things wrong with me. I have a hard time making eye contact with people. I can look for a few seconds before I look down, or shift my eyes to something else. I have a small speech impediment. I have a twitch, I sometimes yell, without trying to. I have nightmares all the time. I have disturbing daydreams that I just want to stop. I'm always afraid to talk to people about it because they'll label me as insane, and I'll get sent to a hospital and be treated like an animal. This might sound stupid and cheesy, but sometimes I pray that God could let me meet someone that I can talk to. I wish for an Angel.Another portion is my religious status... which is low as well. I feel sometimes that God gave me these bad parts so that he could have someone to laugh at. Sometimes I feel like God hates me. I don't know what to think anymore. He gives so many people great lives. Good looks, likable traits, natural talents, etc. Yet I don't get any. I'm ugly, I don't even like myself, and I have no talents. I try to learn, but I don't get any better. No matter if I try my best. I talk way to much, and don't know when to shut up. See how long this topic is? Exactly. I made a vow yesterday that I would stop complaining, but I can't even do that. I'm such a screw up. I have horrible memory. Why did God make me like this? Why can't God help me? Why does God give me Nightmares instead of dreams? Why do I wish so much for impossible things?I just need some help. Someone on this site has to have something to say that'll help me. If not, I understand, I'm too much of a wreck.

Before I go making an attempt to help you out, what grade are you in?

Oh, and consider talking to a psychologist/counselor about this if you think this may get out of hand.

Before I go making an attempt to help you out, what grade are you in?

Oh, and consider talking to a psychologist/counselor about this if you think this may get out of hand.

I am in 12th grade, the final year of highschool.

Edited November 8, 201311 yr by Admiral Antoine

I'd love a neighborhood consisting of drug dealers, talk about local custom.

 

I will say what I always say.  If you think there is something wrong, seek professional help, which could even start with your ordinary GP.  No one here and the majority of people online won't have the knowledge of mental illnesses and the mind to really help

I'd love a neighborhood consisting of drug dealers, talk about local custom.I will say what I always say. If you think there is something wrong, seek professional help, which could even start with your ordinary GP. No one here and the majority of people online won't have the knowledge of mental illnesses and the mind to really help

I can't trust them. They can't help. They'll just give me pills and force me to accept the reality. I'd never go to them for help.

I can't trust them. They can't help. They'll just give me pills and force me to accept the reality. I'd never go to them for help.

 

They are trained professionals, therefore I'm fairly certain they are more than qualified to help. How do you know they can't? You said you refuse to talk to one out of fear they won't listen or will force medicine on you. Attempt to meet with a counselor or psychologist and find out. If afterward you still truly believe they can't help then ok. It didn't work. Try something different. I meet with a sports psychologist twice a week and he really cares about my teammates and I as well as our mental health. Actually, he's very quiet and a great listener, not forceful or mean in any way. Like Caity said, the people here aren't trained professionals and won't fully understand or know how to help you. They can only help so much.

 

As for everything else.....you want it to change right? You want to find a purpose in school, to not be nervous, to dream happier things, to find comfort, to not feel exhausted all the time. Guess what? It all starts with you. You can ask and receive all the advice in the world, but it's up to you to make that change. It's hard and sometimes uncomfortable but you still have to do it. Everyone does. Otherwise the advice someone gives you won't make a difference. Take the first step.

 

Also I highly doubt God would do something like that. Especially out of humor. As long as you see yourself as "ugly" and "untalented" then you will remain that way in your eyes. You only think that because you allow yourself to and believe it. Think everyone else's life is perfect? I can guarantee that many people you believe are perfect do not see themselves that way. Plus there is no such thing as a perfect life. An ideal one, yes. Perfect, no.

 

Ultimately the decision is yours. Take the reigns and prove people wrong. Take the first step and show life you refuse to back down.

 

Why? Because the world ends with you. If you want to enjoy life, expand your world. You gotta push your horizons out as far as they'll go.

 

 

 

Now.....for some humor. Because I'm better at that.

 

 

 

Edited November 8, 201311 yr by xoblivionx13

I can't trust them. They can't help. They'll just give me pills and force me to accept the reality. I'd never go to them for help.

 

If they can't help you, no one in KH13.com history could ever help you.

You know what, guy? I'm gonna tell you a story of a boy like you.This boy was never popular, was never really handsome, was never really taught how to behave in public and around people. This boy loved a certain film about toys. The kids at his school ridiculed him and bullied him, saying that it was a baby film and that he should grow up. He spent all his years of school trying to get these people to like him, trying to find something they could like about him. Years and years took their toll on this boy and now, as a grown man stuck in a world much bigger than before, a world that hates and despises him, he has a second voice. Not a good one. This voice ridicules him and berates him, brings him down at every turn. The voice doesn't want the boy to be happy. He couldn't be happy before, why should that change? Because of this voice, the boy can never be sure of what to do, what to say, where to go. This boy is in a world he doesn't know, on a path he can't decide to go down, with a companion he doesn't want.That boy is me. Every day is a battle. Every day, the other guy in my head tells me that I'll never have what I want, that I'm a failure and a disgrace, that even if I do the right thing I'm still wrong. He tells me that I should just stay in bed and die. That I'm worthless. A waste of space and air.You want to know something? I HATE MYSELF. Even without the other guy, I hate everything about the way I look. My arms are too skinny, I have a gut, I grow hair too fast and in regions where I'm disgusting in looking at. I'm a bit too brash, a bit too blunt and whole lot of shy.GUESS WHAT? I'm having to work through it. Growing up, I never wanted to burden others with my problems because to me, their problems were more important than mine. I never went to guidance councilors even with my bullying, because I always thought they'd never help me. They'd tell me what all adults would say, "Kids are cruel." Now, as a recent graduate, I'm having to deal with my own inadequacies in the real world. You've got time to fix yourself before you get out there. I don't. I'm farther behind than you and I'm still not done.Go get some help. Try talking to people at school. Share your interests. Look into stuff you're talented at. Who knows? You might find something in a college or a graduate school. I did.If you don't bother to take in any bits of my little tripe, then listen to the guys above me. Cause you need to look for help. Help that I didn't look for. Help I could use every day. You have the chance to change your course before it's set in stone. Go ask someone for help.Inadvertently, since you brought up God, what religion do you belong to?

Inadvertently, since you brought up God, what religion do you belong to?

I'm not sure. I'm Agnostic-Jewish.