I hate dating. I hate the process. I hate having to look, look, look for someone, finding someone you like and think you gel with, and then get told either of the following:
"No, I don't like you."
"You're cool, but not date-worthy."

Now, for those of you who know me, you may be asking, "Why, oh why, is he talking about this? What could have possibly happened to Rey?"

I got rejected after the first date and it hurts. Hard.

Let me sum it up.

I meet this girl, Zoe, on a dating site (OH THE SHAME! Nah, no one I actually know is interested in me). We hit it off really well. We're pretty compatible, as we're both nerds and very blunt and honest. We tell each other that we're looking for a relationship, but we're both willing to settle for being just friends.

I ask her out to see Princess Mononoke on its rerelease tonight (I had tickets to go see it with my best friend, but she bailed because stupid reasons). She agrees. It's the first time we meet.

We go through the date. We get soda and popcorn, she runs into someone she knows, yadayadayda.

Movie ends, I walk her to her car. I go home, text her when I get home.

She drops the bomb (exact words from her from here on out):

"You're a cool guy, but I'm not interested in going out again."

Okay, may I ask why?

"Yeah, I didn't feel a date-y connection."

Okay, that's fair. We can still be friends, thought, right?

"Unfortunately, I don't think so. I found it hard to talk to you organically, which isn't easy to explain..."



So now I'm sleepless, writing this out to you.

I have been struggling for years with self-esteem (I know, don't date until you're happy with you, I DON'T CARE), and it's just tough to see this happen again and again.

My best friend outright told me she would never ever date me, in a rather terrible way.

Every girl I know doesn't like me past being semi-friendly on Facebook.

A girl I had developed feelings for just wants to drop me like a sack of potatoes.

I am probably going to die alone, and I don't want that.

(Please don't post the "You'll find someone eventually!" or that sort of sympathy crap. I don't need it.)

The dating game is always hard. Don't think negatively about it either. A good friend told me to not be sad or upset and focus on making yourself a better person. Even if you are already a good person, you can make yourself better. Make yourself more desirable. Also, don't try too hard. Who knows, you may even find that special someone without even looking for her.

Dude, if you want to take my advice, here's what to do. Build your self-confidence.

 

You're a great guy but you're plagued with insecurities for the other sex and that clearly showed with the situation you got yourself in. You mentally created a self-fulfilling prophecy where you'd be rejected, and lo and behold it happened.

 

You've got to re-evaluate how you look at the other sex. If you got female friends, query them on how you can be more desirable for women. That's a good starting point. You have to love yourself (not in a Kanye way) before loving someone else.

 

PM me, I can give you priceless advice for dating and relationships. 

Regardless of how the date went, I feel that the way this girl conveyed the message to you was rather poor and unprofessional.  She could've at least had the decency to call you, perhaps even a day or so after the date (and not right after), or at least put it more eloquently.  I'm guessing that there was some issue on her end that made her bow out the way she had, though I still feel that the way she handled it was rather poor and kind of hurtful.

 

I do not know what you're like in real life, but perhaps your best friend could give you some feedback?  Has she ever told you why she could never date you?  Maybe you could try explaining the situation to her and see if she has any suggestions on what to improve upon for your next date?  That could be very useful; getting the insight from another woman who is close to you and see where you might be going wrong.

 

These may not be issues at all, but I do know that women like it when men are attentive to them.  If you were on your phone much or weren't really communicating with her she may have taken it as disinterest, and that could've turned her off.  I think most of all it's really important that you remain true to yourself and be who you are.  The right girl will love you for these traits and want to be with you.  Sure it might turn off the typical women out there in the world, but you don't want someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are.  Did you come across as clingy or desperate?  Those are also some issues that might've been a turnoff.

 

I'm sure you've also made sure of this, but a clean appearance is always super important.  You may have already been on top of all of the other things that I've mentioned as well.  I was just trying to throw some suggestions out there in hopes that something might cry out to you.

 

I am sorry that you've had a few bad encounters.  That must be incredibly tough.  I have friends who cannot find the right guy/girl for the life of them and they are so depressed and frustrated from it.  My circumstances were unique and I can't truly relate myself, but I can envision how painful it must be and I feel very bad that you are in this position.  Please try not to beat yourself up.  Maybe it's something simple that you can correct, or it may just be that the girls you've dated just aren't the right one for you.  You may be doing nothing wrong, but rather some of these women have a different kind of guy in mind and they just want something different.

Never go to a movie as a first date. I imagine you didn't have chance to talk much during the movie, which is never a good thing on a first date.

Dude, if you want to take my advice, here's what to do. Build your self-confidence.

 

You're a great guy but you're plagued with insecurities for the other sex and that clearly showed with the situation you got yourself in. You mentally created a self-fulfilling prophecy where you'd be rejected, and lo and behold it happened.

 

You've got to re-evaluate how you look at the other sex. If you got female friends, query them on how you can be more desirable for women. That's a good starting point. You have to love yourself (not in a Kanye way) before loving someone else.

 

PM me, I can give you priceless advice for dating and relationships.

This is the first time we've encountered each other on this site. Please don't assume that you know every detail.

Regardless of how the date went, I feel that the way this girl conveyed the message to you was rather poor and unprofessional. She could've at least had the decency to call you, perhaps even a day or so after the date (and not right after), or at least put it more eloquently. I'm guessing that there was some issue on her end that made her bow out the way she had, though I still feel that the way she handled it was rather poor and kind of hurtful.

 

I do not know what you're like in real life, but perhaps your best friend could give you some feedback? Has she ever told you why she could never date you? Maybe you could try explaining the situation to her and see if she has any suggestions on what to improve upon for your next date? That could be very useful; getting the insight from another woman who is close to you and see where you might be going wrong.

 

These may not be issues at all, but I do know that women like it when men are attentive to them. If you were on your phone much or weren't really communicating with her she may have taken it as disinterest, and that could've turned her off. I think most of all it's really important that you remain true to yourself and be who you are. The right girl will love you for these traits and want to be with you. Sure it might turn off the typical women out there in the world, but you don't want someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are. Did you come across as clingy or desperate? Those are also some issues that might've been a turnoff.

 

I'm sure you've also made sure of this, but a clean appearance is always super important. You may have already been on top of all of the other things that I've mentioned as well. I was just trying to throw some suggestions out there in hopes that something might cry out to you.

 

I am sorry that you've had a few bad encounters. That must be incredibly tough. I have friends who cannot find the right guy/girl for the life of them and they are so depressed and frustrated from it. My circumstances were unique and I can't truly relate myself, but I can envision how painful it must be and I feel very bad that you are in this position. Please try not to beat yourself up. Maybe it's something simple that you can correct, or it may just be that the girls you've dated just aren't the right one for you. You may be doing nothing wrong, but rather some of these women have a different kind of guy in mind and they just want something different.

See, this is what I wanted to see! Critique without actual blame being thrown around.

 

My best friend said she "didn't want to ruin our friendship". But she's knowledgeable about relationships anyways, so I'll throw her a line.

 

See, I did pay attention to those things. I wasn't on my phone at all after we met up. I showered, brushed my teeth and put on cologne. I gave her personal space and of course I was myself! I had to be, considering we met online.

 

I'm trying not to beat myself up, but I guess I just have to try and improve myself.

Never go to a movie as a first date. I imagine you didn't have chance to talk much during the movie, which is never a good thing on a first date.

Inadvertently, she didn't want to do dinner before the movie and she kind of just left after it ended (walked her out to her car, of course.)

Dont need to have dinner. A walk, an ice cream, a drink in a bar, or just to hang out in a park.

 

Honestly, she could just be not into you. Happens. Just no movie at first dates, rememeber for the future.