chapter 1 - light and darkness

one day,there was a boy at some house,he was watching some news at tv,and then there`s a doorbell ringing,the boy open door and see his friend

 

shuhir:hey hazimie,have you prepared for royal survival battle test?the test started next week you know?

hazimie:oh sorry i didn`t prepared yet

shuhir:man,you`re worthless

hazimie:hey!

shuhir:hahaha,just kidding ^_^,anyway,let`s get practice

hazimie:ok,sure why not?

 

and then,the two of them went practice for the royal survival battle with their wooden sword.later,6 days have passed before the RSB test......

 

hazimie:sigh

hazimie`s mom:what is it,dear?

hazimie:i think i can`t passed the test

hazimie`s mom:why not?,you have worked hard for the exam

hazimie:i know but i think i`m not strong enough to passed the test,i want to be stronger

hazimie`s mom:why?

hazimie:because i want to protect the things that matters,you know,like my friends and you,mom

hazimie`s mom:i see.... well then

 

and then,hazimie`s mom summons the orb of light.

 

hazimie`s mom:hazimie,take this orb

hazimie:what?why?

hazimie`s mom:just take it and you`ll see

 

after hazimie take the orb of light,his wooden sword suddenly turn into a keyblade [resembles to sora`s keyblade]

 

hazimie:whoa,is this a keyblade?

mom:yes and this keyblade was made of your heart of light

hazimie:but i thought only my brother can,and he`s gone because the keyblade master test

mom:yes,but that`s not all,you obtain that keyblade because you need to be stronger to protect your love ones,so the keyblade were choosing you as keyblade wielders

hazimie:i see,thanks mom,i love you

mom:your welcome and work hard

hazimie:ok i will

 

meanwhile,at shuhir`s training field......

 

shuhir:urgh,dammit i`ll never be passed that test

godric:what`s wrong,shuhir?

shuhir:oh hey,granpa i was thinking that i can`t passed the test

godric:why not?you`re strong enough now

shuhir:i do but i think its not enough,i`ll never win the test like this

godric:really?then take this

 

godric summons the orb of darkness and ask shuhir to take it.after he take it,his wooden sword turn into a soul eater [resemble as riku`s soul eater]

 

shuhir:whoa,what is this granpa?

granpa:that was a power of darkness,use it wisely.i gotta go to take a nap

shuhir:thanks granpa,you`re the best:)

 

and the next day,the RSB test has begun,both of them make it to the finals and they were battling each other

 

shuhir:hey,hazimie how about we fight a mano a mano?

hazimie:ok sure no problem

judge:begin the battle

 

and the battle begins,shuhir use dark firaga to aim hazimie but missed,and then hazimie uses strike raid,but it also missed.and then,shuhir use dark break to destroy the arena to imbalance hazimie and then shuhir use helm split to aim it,but it also miss and hazimie use ragnarok for shuhir,but it missed to,both of are really strong

 

shuhir:hey,hazimie how bout we finish this once and for all instead of this dodging our skills

hazimie:ok,i agree

 

and then they use their ultimate attak,sora using sonic blade while riku using dark aura...

 

hazimie:SONIC BLADE!!!!!!!!!!!:x

shuhir:DARK AURA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:x

 

they both clashing each other,but luckily,hazimie was strong enough to beat shuhir and then he beat shuhir!

 

judge:the winner is hazimie!!!

hazimie:YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

all of the audience was happy about hazimie`s won,and after the test,hazimie and shuhir were talking each other

 

shuhir:oh man,i lost.....oh well,someday i will beat you,deal?

hazimie:deal,well i gotta go home,bye!

shuhir:bye,i`ll see you later!

 

they both go their own different paths,but they share their same goal.

 

 

to be continued in chapter 2

WOW amazing story hazimie ^^ I liked it , can't wait for part 2 !!!

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 1

 

A year have passed since the RSB test....hazimie go back home after his training.suddenly,there was a meteor shower coming,but the meteor was accidently falling at hazimie`s house with cause a big explosion

 

hazimie:NO!!!my house!

 

when hazimie go to his house,his house was completely destroy....

 

hazimie:mom.......*sob*,what am i going to do?,i don`t have a home and also mom too.....

 

and then suddenly,there was an old man come in front of hazimie....

 

godric:are u sad?

hazimie:who are you?

godric:my name is godric,shuhir`s granfather

hazimie:you`re shuhir`s granfather?

godric:yes and since you don`t have a home,how about training with me?i can help

hazimie:really?you mean it!?

godric:yes,come with me

 

when hazimie accepts godric`s invitation,godric open the corridor of darkness,and then the two of them go to that corridor and then they end up at the badlands.....

 

hazimie:is this our training field?

godric:yes.shall we start the training?

hazimie:right

 

and then,godric summons a few of neoshadow heartless.hazimie keep training and training,but the heartless were too many

 

hazimie:master godric,this is too much,i can`t handled all of this

godric:why?i thought you`re strong enough to beat them

 

and then the heartless ambush hazimie

 

hazimie:AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!

 

after the battle,hazimie was nearly dead,then godric shows up

 

godric:are you rather die than obtain the power of darkness?very well then,i leave you no choice

 

godric summons his keyblade [resembles as master xehanort`s keyblade]and then he stabbed hazimie`s heart to half of his heart and then godric use the half of hazimie`s heart to create the darkside of hazimie...

 

godric:so,there was a three darkside,huh well then,you,the one who look like hazimie,the power of the unversed,i call you hazamie.you,the one who wear the black coat,the power of the heartless,i call you unknown.and also you,the one who look like hazimie and wearing a black and white stripe T-shirt,the power of nobodies,i call you xeimizah.hazamie,live inside hazimie to make hazimie succumb to the darkness,and the two of you,come with me.

hazamie,unknown and xehimizah:yes,master

godric:well then,i have no choice but to send this weakling little boy to master Albart`s training ground,to take care of it

 

and the next day,godric sent hazimie to master Albart`s training ground,the land of departure.master Albart talking with master godric about hazimie.hazimie was standing at the front door,and then there was master Albart`s three pupils,umar,akasha and azwa,looking hazimie that standing that nothing to do and like no feelings

 

Azwa:that boy,is he alright?

Akasha:dunno

Umar:i`ll go check

 

and then,umar goes to talk hazimie

umar:hey,u ok?

hazimie:........

umar:what`s your name?

hazimie:.............hazimie

umar:whew,you can talk,azwa,akasha,he`s fine,come down here

 

both of them come down to meet hazimie

 

umar:i`m umar,please to meet you,that girl was azwa and the other boy was akasha

hazimie:umar........azwa.........akasha

umar:anyway,are you training with,where`d you live?are you good with fighting?

hazimie:ugh.......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

three of them:huh!?,what`s wrong?

albart:what did u do with him?

umar:nothing,i`m just asking some stuff,that`s all

albart:hazimie can`t tell you anything because he can`t remember anything.he has lost his memories

three of them:what?he lost memories!?

albart:yes.azwa,take him to his room

azwa:yes,master

albart:i`m sorry that hazimie was fainted,master godric

godric:that`s ok,well i`m best be on my way now,goodbye

albart:goodbye and take care now

 

meanwhile,at hazimie`s room....

 

azwa:hope you wake up soon,hazimie

 

suddenly,hazimie woke up

 

hazimie:urgh

azwa:huh?!,hazimie!,thank goodness you`re safe.master albart,akasha,umar,hazimie is awake now

akasha and umar:REALLY,HAZIMIE!!!!!you ok?

hazimie:i`m.......fine

three of them:whew,thank goodness you`re safe,hahahahaa

 

to be continued in part 2

WHAT AN AMAZING STORY CAN'T WAIT FOR PART 2 AND STORY 3 !!!

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 2

 

5 months have passed since hazimie has lost his memories,but he was feeling better at master albart`s training ground.one night,at hazimie`s room....

 

hazimie:*sigh,why my heart seems like forgetting something.huh?

 

hazimie look at the window and he saw a meteor shower

 

hazimie:a meteor shower!!!,gotta take a look at the summit

 

and then hazimie goes to the summit to see the meteor shower

 

hazimie:wow,the stars,there`s so many of them,but why i feel so familiar

 

suddenly,someone was behind hazimie...

 

akasha & azwa:hey

hazimie:oh,hey guys ^_^ good to see you

azwa:yeah,why did you here?

hazimie:i want to see the meteor shower,but it has dissapear now

azwa:oh.hey,hazimie,tomorrow`s the mark of mastery,are you prepared?

hazimie:no,i haven`t prepared yet

akasha:i see,well then how bout we gonna have a practice?

hazimie:that`s a great idea,i`m in

azwa:me too!

?:count me in

hazimie:huh?,oh its you umar,you want a train with us?

umar:of course,i mean all four of us gonna take the exam,so count me in

akasha:alright,let`s get started,first its me and azwa,how bout it azwa?

azwa:sure,i`ll give it a whirl ^_^

 

both of them training each other for the exam,akasha summons his keyblade [resembles to terra`s keyblade,earthshaker]and azwa also summons her keyblade [resembles to aqua`s keyblade,rainfell]both of them fighting ferociously to their training.azwa use blizzard on akasha but missed while akasha use brutal blast on azwa and then he use counter hammer but missed and then azwa use barrier surge and then she use wishing edge on akasha,but it was also missed.both of them really are strong and then they use their ultimate attack

 

azwa:SPELLWEAVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

akasha:CRITICAL IMPACT!!!!!!!!!

 

both of them clashing each other,but in the end,azwa win the match,after the battle,they talking each other

 

azwa:i win!!!!!!

akasha:oh man,how can i lose to a girl?,well,a loss is a loss,alright you two,you`re next

hazimie & umar:right

 

both of them begin their battle,hazimie summons his keyblade and umar also summons his keyblade [resembles to master eraqus`s keyblade]and both of them fighting each other,hazimie use sliding dash while umar use dark haze and its a draw,and then hazimie use firaga while umar use blizzaga,but its a draw also,both of them are really strong,then hazimie and umar use their ultimate attack

 

hazimie:FEVER PITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

umar:DARK IMPULSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

both of them clashing each other,but in the end,its a draw

 

hazimie:wow,you`re strong umar

umar:you too,hazimie,whew i`m beat

hazimie:me too,i think let`s call for a day

akasha:yeah you`re right,let`s head back

azwa:oh wait,you three,i forgot that i want to give you this,here

 

azwa give hazimie,akasha and umar a charm looks like a star

 

akasha:what is this?

azwa:wayfinders,they say somewhere out there,there`s some star shaped fruit like this one,if someone gives the fruit from someone,they have an unbreakable connections of friendships

umar:cool

hazimie:i got one too?

azwa:of course,one for each of us

akasha:wow,thanks azwa,well let`s head back guys

three of them:ok,let`s go

 

both of them head back to their home and go to sleep for preparing the mark of mastery

 

to be continued in part 3

wow that is amazing

I like the story in itself, but there are some things you need to touch up on.

 

Spelling and grammar; These are key to any story. Spelling and grammar make it seem more like you are serious about writing the story, and it also is a lot easier for your readers to understand. Space between things like commas--not everything is a continous line. If you need help, use Spell Checker--it fixes all the things you've missed.

 

Formatting; This isn't really a "story", per se. It's written as a script or a dialogue. While there is plenty of dialogue in a story, that's only half of it. You can't express everything about the characters, their surroundings, and feelings in just some text. To really make your readers feel like they're "in" with your characters, you need to add something other than just text. :I

 

Detail; There needs to be more of it. I know what your characters are doing, yes, but I'm not really getting a description. You need to go in depth--so your readers can literally picture themselves in your character's place.

 

Characters; Your characters are the main part of the story. They are what makes a story a story--what adds funny and horrifying twists. They are your biggest and most exciting plot tools. With something that useful, you're going to need to give me more than a few words. When Hazimie's mother dies, only a few sentences worth of emotion is shown at that point, and not even very well. If your mother died, would you only be able to spare a few lines?

 

I'm not going to make a fifty-page list, so I'll shut up now.

Again, I like the story, but to become a real story, it just needs to be edited some. (:

i love it =)

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 3

 

in the next day,hazimie,akasha,umar and azwa were taking the mark of mastery,to become a keyblade master

 

Albart:today,we begin the mark of mastery,this exam is not test of strength,power and wealth,but it test our heart,but i`m sure that master godric have come this test to see your skill,did he?

godric:no,no,its ok,i`m just want to see their exam,that`s all

Albart:ok,i think all of you have ready,did you?

all of them:yes,master

Albart:then the examination will begin

 

then,master albart summons the orb of light to begin their test,but suddenly,godric use his power of the darkness to make the orb more wrath,and all of them including master albart looking suspicious,but they don`t afraid

 

Albart:the first exam is about teamwork,begin now

all of them:right

 

all of them fight the orb with teamwork,there was 4 orb for each of them,and then umar and azwa using magnega to gather the orb and then they use firaga,blizzaga and thundaga to the orb and then hazimie and akasha use quick blitz for the final blow.and the first exam have passed.

 

Albart:well done,time for the second exam,so be prepared

all of them:yes,master

 

to be continued in part 4

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 4

 

after they completed the first exam,the prepared for second exam by master albart,and then master albart speaks...

 

Albart:ok,hazimie,umar,azwa and akasha,the four of you will fight each other in team battle for the second exam,so hazimie will be paired with umar and azwa will be paired with akasha,this second exam will show you about trust your teammate,now,begin the examination now

 

four of them will fight each other in two teams.hazimie use flame salvo shotlock while azwa use bubble blaster shotlock at the same time while akasha use sonic blade while umar use chaos blade several times.four of them are really strong in battle.after the battle,master albart will announced who`s the keyblade master now...

 

Albart:we will now announced who`s the keyblade master now,those who passed the mark of mastery exams is........ HAZIMIE AND UMAR!!!

 

hazimie and umar:ALRIGHT WE DID IT!!!!!

akasha and umar:oh man....well maybe next time,congratulations ^_^

 

to becontinued in part 5

NICE STROY !!!!!!!!!!!! i LIKED !!!

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 5

 

after the celebration,Umar was taking a break at the summit.....

 

Umar :i can`t believe i have become a master now.....

??? :i`m impressed.....

Umar :Master Godric,what`re you doing here?

Godric :i`m here to lend you a favor......

Umar :a......favor?

Godric :yes......

 

suddenly,Godric use his darkness to make Umar freezes.....

 

Umar :urgh,urgh....argh,what`re you doing!?

Godric :i`m impressed about your powers,how bout.....become my slave?heheheh!

Umar :AAARRGGHH!!!

 

meanwhile,Azwa taking a fresh air.....

 

Azwa :well,today is a beautiful day.....huh?

 

then,Azwa saw Umar returning from the summit.....

 

Azwa :hey,Umar,feeling good after the break?

Umar :.......

Azwa :umm,is something wrong?

 

suddenly,Umar summoned his keyblade and aim at azwa and shooted with the ball of darkness and Azwa`s heart has been released...

 

Azwa :!?,why....are you.....doing this......

 

then,Azwa fainted.....then hazimie and akasha goes out for a fresh air but they see Azwa and Umar.....

 

Akasha & Hazimie :Azwa!!

 

then,hazimie and akasha go to Azwa but she was unconscious......then,Umar escaped.....

 

Akasha :Umar,Wait!!

Hazimie :Akasha,let`s bring Azwa inside!

Akasha :right!

 

then,they bring Azwa inside and tell Master Albart about the situation.....

 

Albart :i see.....well then,hazimie....take Azwa to the sleeping pod....

Hazimie :okay.....

 

then,hazimie taking Azwa to the sleeping pod.....

 

hazimie :Master,is she gonna be alright?

Albart :i`m afraid not.....because she has lost her heart.....

Akasha :!?,what should we do!?

Albart :i`m sorry,but i don`t know how,but the only left is hoping that she could awake.....well,i have a work to do....i`m sorry that i couldnt help....

Hazimie :it`s okay,master....you try your best....

Albart :well,i`m best be off now......

 

then,master Albart has leave.....and also Akasha.....

 

Hazimie :where are you going?

Akasha :searching for Umar,i want to know why he was doing that.... http://kh13.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/smiley-mad.png

Hazimie :okay.....promise that you will be back,okay?

Akasha :yeah.....promise!

 

and so,Akasha search Umar to know the answers.....

 

to be continued in part 6.....

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 6

 

Akasha searching for Umar`s whereabouts,then,Akasha goes to the summit.......then,he sees Umar standing and using his keyblade.....

 

Akasha :UMAR!!

Umar :......

Akasha :tell me,why did u release Azwa`s heart?

Umar :........fight.....me.......

Akasha :huh?why?

 

suddenly,Umar pointed at Akasha with his keyblade......

 

Umar :I said fight me!!

 

then,Umar`s keyblade shooted a ball of darkness but luckily,Akasha missed the attack......

 

Akasha :i see.....you leave me no choice......

 

then,Akasha summoned his keyblade [his keyblade has turned into Ends of The Earth],and they both clash each other......

 

Akasha :RAARGH!!!

Umar :RAARGH!!

 

to be continued in part 7

Nice story

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 7

 

after couple of minutes,hazimie is waiting for Akasha`s return but he doesnt come back.....

 

hazimie :where is he?i hope he`s alright......maybe i go check up on him....

 

then,hazimie goes out finding Akasha......then,hazimie goes to the summit and suddenly,he saw Akasha and Umar fighting each other.....

 

Hazimie :Akasha! Umar!

Akasha :!?,Hazimie!

 

suddenly,Umar take his chance then he stabbed Akasha`s chest......

 

Akasha :URGH!?

Hazimie :!?,NO!!

 

then,Umar quickly open the corridor of darkness and take his chance to escape.....then,hazimie goes to Akasha`s aid and Akasha was laying on the ground....

 

Hazimie :Akasha.....

Akasha :huff....huff....huff.....hazimie.....i`m running out of time.....please.....please save Umar.....he`s been controlled by the darkness...

Hazimie :he`s been controlled!?

Akasha :yes.....please.....someone must have done to him.....

Hazimie :okay,Akasha,i`ll do what you ask.....

Akasha :good.....and one more thing......please take this......

 

then,Akasha takes out his heart from his chest.....

 

Akasha :please.....take my heart.....and live on my part.....please.....take my power.....

Hazimie :!?,why!?

Akasha :please.....i`m begging you.....this is for Umar`s sake!

Hazimie :...........Alright.....

 

then,hazimie take Akasha`s heart and he received Akasha`s power.....

 

Akasha :goodbye.......and thanks......for everything......hazimie.......

 

then,Akasha`s body has been faded......

 

Hazimie :sob....sob......Akasha......sob.....sob...... http://kh13.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/smiley-cry.png

 

hazimie crying for Akasha`s lost.....then,hazimie stand up after he crying......

 

Hazimie :i promise,Akasha.....i WILL bring Umar back......

 

then,hazimie summoned his keyblade then,his keyblade has been transformed into its new appearance.....[his keyblade has turned into wayward wind]then,hazimie use his keyblade to open the portal of lanes between then he transformed and wearing an Armored suit then hazimie toss his keyblade in the air and turn into a keyblade glider.....and so,hazimie hop on the keyblade glider and go to the portal,searching for Umar.....

oh yeah,i forgot.....

 

to be continued in part 8.....

Awosome story, man! I love the names! Did you made them up yourself?

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 8

 

hazimie has goes to betwixt and between to save Umar.then,hazimie has found Umar....

 

hazimie :umar.....

Umar :.......hazimie.......fight me.....

hazimie :Umar.....please.....get over yourself.....

Umar :fight me......

 

then,Umar used his keyblade then shot a ball of darkness then hazimie deflect it with his keyblade.....

 

hazimie :looks like i have no other choice......

Umar :huff.....huff....huff.....

hazimie :let`s go,Umar!

Umar :AARRGGHH!!

hazimie :AARGH!!

 

and so,they clashed each other......

 

to be continued in part 9......

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 9

 

hazimie fighting Umar to save from the darkness that it controls him.......

 

hazimie :Firaga!

Umar :Dark Firaga!

 

they both shot with their own magic but it was a draw......

 

Hazimie :Ars Arcanum!

Umar :Ars Solum!

 

they both have an intense fighting.after that,hazimie has a light aura while Umar have a dark aura......

 

Umar :i`m.....gonna.......finish you......

Hazimie :i`m.......gonna......save you......

 

then,they both launch their final attack......

 

Hazimie :Photon Charge!

Umar :Sonic Shadow!

 

they both clash with a massive blow........in the end,hazimie lost and fainted.then,Umar goes to hazimie`s aid.....

 

Umar :hazimie......

 

then,Umar left his keyblade to hazimie then he summons his new keyblade [resembles to void gear]then he use it to open the corridor of darkness then carries hazimie then he lefts it at the summit......

 

to be continued in part 10.......

chapter 2 - bonds of friendship part 10

 

hazimie feel conscious and awake at his room.....

 

hazimie :where.....am i?

Albart :you're in your room.....

hazimie :Master Albart.....

Albart :i see that you failed to save umar yet......

hazimie :yeah......i lost......but i won't give up,i promise Akasha......oh,master Albart,about Akasha.....

Albart :yes.....i know......

hazimie :oh,i see......

Albart :what are you going to do now,hazimie?

hazimie :well......i need to save Umar,even though i have lost to him,but i won't give up!

Albart :i see.....what a strong bonds you have......very well then,you can search Umar if you want......oh,hazimie,take this.....

 

Master Albart give hazimie a piece of paper with an address on it.....

 

Hazimie :what's this?

Albart :that address was your old home.....you can go back to your own home if you want.....

Hazimie :okay......thanks,Master Albart......

 

one day later,hazimie packed up and ready to go back his old homeworld.....

 

Albart :you have packed everything?

Hazimie :yes master......and master.......thanks for everything!

Albart :your welcome......remember hazimie,with the power you have,you can save Umar for sure......well,you best be off now,and don't worry about Azwa,i'll take care of her.....

Hazimie :okay......thanks,and goodbye,Master!

Albart :goodbye!

 

then,hazimie transformed and wearing an armor then summoned his keyblade then use it to open the portal of Lanes Between then he tossed his keyblade in the air then turned into a keyblade glider then hazimie hopped on it and go back to his own world......

 

to be continued in Chapter 3....

Chapter 3 - Path of Darkness

 

Umar walking to the corridors of darkness and he was arrived at the Villains Vale,Master Godric's lair.when Umar go to the lair he saw Unknown,Xeimizah and Master Godric who sit on the throne.....

 

Godric :ah......Umar,i have been waiting for you.....how's hazimie?

Umar :i have beaten him....

Godric :good......as a reward,i lend you half of my power.......the power of darkness!

 

Godric said as he give Umar a power of darkness and Umar wearing a Dark Mode suit (Vanitas's suit),then,Umar talk to Master Godric...

 

Umar :Master.......what should we do now?

Godric :we'll wait.......see what hazimie are doing for now......i hope that you will more entertain me......hazimie.....hahahahaha.....

 

Master Godric laugh as he wait for Hazimie's step to move forward.......

 

to be continued in Chapter 4......

Nice work Hazimie! I really like the story so far and appreciate the unique approach you're taking to Birth By Sleep's story line.