I decided to start on a story idea and see what you think of it.

The one where: An 8th grader discovers powers within him and must use them to save his friends.

 

~*~+Prologue+~*~

Jesse sat on a swing at the park. He looked at his dirty hands. -Been playing with the dirt too much, I guess.- he thought to himself. The dark sky was illuminated by the dim moonlight that looked down on him. His swing creaked when swung back and forth slowly. The creaking echoed through the empty park. -Guess I should be heading back.- He thought, checking the time on his PSP. -From ten to midnight is long enough.- he thought as he stood up, putting his PSP back in his pocket. He began to stroll home. -I wonder how bad my sister'll kill me, coming back this late. This poor 14 year old's got enough on his hands.- he thought as he walked down the street. He walked over to his house, and looked up to the sky. The wind blew from behind, and leaves scattered up into the air. He gazed up at them, until they slowly got smaller and vanished.

 

Have any ideas for a name?

Dirty Hands?Sounds interesting.

Oh wow, mjigmoore.

If I took it the way you meant.

It's pretty good so far, but in order to make it easier to read, you should split it up into smaller paragraphs.

 

Looking forward to the first chapter~

Chapter One

 

 

Jesse was awoken by his alarm clock. Without opening his eyes, he outstretched his arm, and fumbled for the Alarm button. After turning it off, he got up out of his bed and threw on some clothes. He brushed his teeth. -Normal enough, eh?- he thought to himself. He put his PSP in his pocket, and walked out the door. He walked to his bus stop, and waited for the bus. After getting on the bus, he made his way through the crowd of loud middle schoolers and some high schoolers to the middle. About half of the people were standing, and a blue haired girl and a brown haired guy were making out in a seat in the back. He sat in an empty seat. -Can this bus get any worse?- he thought to himself. At the next stop, his friend Justin got on the bus and sat next to him. "Hey. What's up, Justin?" Justin smiled at him, and said, "I just watched this youtube video last night! It was so hilarious! It was called Whitest Kids You Know by Gandalf or something." Justin was your typical school kid. Easy target for bullies. They just never let up on him. "Already seen it." Jesse said.

 

 

 

They got to the school a half hour later. They got off, and walked into the school. Jesse saw Miguel, the school bully. Miguel was the main bully for Justin. Miguel walked over to Justin, and pushed him down. Justin fumbled to get his books and scrambled up. Jesse sighed. "Miguel, why do you insist to harass Justin? What did he do to you?" Apparently, Jesse's words were a challenge to Miguel. "Fine. Meet me after school. I win, I get to keep bullying your fishleg friend. If I lose, then I'll stay away from your boyfriend." Miguel had pushed the right buttons, so Jesse almost seemed glad to oblige. He walked off with Justin to Homeroom.

 

 

 

After school, Jesse leaned against the wall behind the school, waiting for Miguel. -Okay...he's fat, he's ruthless, he's an ass, and most of all, he's too arrogant to realize any of the above.- Jesse thought, thinking of a plan to take Miguel down. Miguel came up around the corner with a bunch of his "friends". Jesse got off the wall. Miguel didn't even take time to talk. He walked up to Jesse and punched him in the face. Jesse was sent back to the ground, his nose bleeding. He then looked at his side to see a stick, thick enough to do damage to Miguel without breaking it and long enough to avoid taking another punch to the face. He picked it up, and stood up with it, and attacked Miguel with it. Miguel grabbed the stick, and attempted to snap it with his chubby hand. But, he didn't get his chance.

The stick started glowing, and it turned into a black thin sword that had a red dragon symbol on the side of the blade. Miguel was still gripping it, astonished. Blood trickled down his arm, and he realized to let go. There was a long diagonal cut on his hand, and he held it with his other hand. "What the hell..." said Miguel, slowly backing up. Jesse was finished staring at it, and shouldered it, acting like he meant for it to happen. "Bully Justin again, and I won't be so nice." Miguel nodded, gulped and scrambled away with his friends.

 

Chapter One Finish

Just two words: Pure Awsomeeeeeess!

Chapter Two

 

 

Jesse was laying down on the hot cement beside the park. He stared up at his hand, clenching his fist and opening it many times. -How the hell did I do that? Was it a dream? A drug Miguel put me under before beating me up?- he thought. He got up and looked over at a stick in the grass. -Just to make sure....- he thought, walking over to pick up the stick. He bent over, picked it up, and slashed at the air with it a few times. No glowing. No sword. No stick disappearing. He sighed, threw it over his shoulder, and went to walk down the street. -Yeah,...it was a dream, he thought, grimacing.

 

He walked down to the gas station, and thought -It's about time for lunch.- He patted his pockets to make sure he still had his wallet, but didn't feel anything. He sighed. -No money, no food.- he thought, and walked past the gas station. He lived nearby anyway. He walked up the street and into his house. He thought of calling his parents, but he perished the thought. -That's right...- he thought sadly. It was still hard for him to get used to their deaths. He lived with his sister and her boyfriend, who were 18. They were making out in the living room. -As usual.- Jesse thought. He walked into his room to look for his wallet, but it wasn't there. He walked back to the living room. "Hey, Cecilia, would you know where my wallet is?" She broke connection with his lips and looked at him and said, "I have no idea."

Then, her boyfriend, Juan, piped in. "Oh, yeah, I borrowed your money." Jesse sighed, and asked, "Well can you return it?" He shook his head. "Only used a few bucks. I'll pay you later." He said, tossing Jesse his wallet.

 

Jesse looked into his wallet. -That bastard used forty dollars.- he thought as his sister leaned into make out with Juan again. -That's the least of my worries, though. What the hell is Miguel going to do about the cut on his hand? Tell the principal I went psycho on him? Yeah, sounds about right.- thought Jesse, exiting the house so if his sister and Juan got serious, he wouldn't have to be around for it. -Well, I'll see what happens in school tomorrow.- he thought.

 

Chapter Two Finish

Chapter 3

Jesse slumped in the chair in the office, laying his head back, with his eyes closed. "Jesse, come here." said a voice. He opened his eyes to see none other than the principal, gesturing him to come into his office. He saw Miguel sitting in a chair, looking at his hand with a deep sense of curiosity. Jesse sat down, and the principal started talking. "Jesse, you know why you're here, right?" "Because Miguel told you some crazy-ass story that I mortally wounded him in some way." The principal took a deep breath, sighed, remembering he was not in an elementary school like in the year before, remembering that that type of language is a trending fad here. "You cut his hand open. He swears that you brought a knife on him, and you slashed at him like a psycho." -Check.- thought Jesse, remembering how he thought that Miguel would say something like that. "Half of that is true." said Jesse, "He challenged me to a fight after school, stakes being that he would stop bullying my friend. So, I slashed, or in other words, swung at him, but only with my fists." said Jesse. The principal then said, "Well,he has a cut on his hand. Where did he get that?" The thought that his principal was standing up for him angered Jesse. "Why would you stand up for him? He should have a golden plaque on that chair with his name on it by now! Do you understand how many times he's lied to you?Or do you ignore that fact and look at him every time he comes, believing he's the saint?" Miguel stifled a smirk, and kept quiet. The principal must've heard the almost-silent snort come from Miguel as he stifled his smirk, and he might've believed Jesse's words, because his next words shocked only Miguel. "Miguel, you're suspended for two months, and Jesse, you only get a warning." Jesse felt relieved when he was let go, and Miguel stayed back.

 

At the end of the day, Jesse went outside and laid down on the grass, chewing on a dandelion stem. He didn't feel like going home to his 'suck-face' sister, as he thought was her new nickname for her, he decided to lay down on the grass. -Screw it, I'll just go to the park.- he thought, getting up. But then, his head exploded with pain, and looked around to see if something nearby was causing it. His vision was shaking, and he saw someone standing on the roof of the school. He heard a voice in his head, as if the one on the school was using telepathy. "Pah. My mere presence causes you pain?" his head hurt even more, causing him to kneel on the ground and hold his head in pain. "You aren't as strong as I thought. You will realize your powers soon enough." Jesse's vision started faltering to a stop, and he looked at the one on top of the school. He vanished, and his head stopped hurting. He got up slowly, and thought, -What drugs are those lunch ladies putting in my food?- he thought, and shook off the feeling that he was being watched, and continued to the park.

Yay!!!! I like it! You're a very good writer.

Chapter Four

Jesse was lying down at the park, staring at the sky. The wind blew furiously, scattering leaves into the air above Jesse. Jesse felt drawn to the sky, and was being lifted up. -...wait....what....?- thought Jesse slowly. He turned around, and saw himself, staring into the air with glassy eyes, and the scene changed. He was quivering in the corner, and he heard a door slam, and a man walked into the room, he had a cigarette in his mouth, and chewed it furiously, and the quivering got stronger. "So....son....who's this brat you lost a fight to?" said the man grabbing Jesse's fingers and bending them back. Jesse felt as if they would snap. Against his will, Jesse shook his head. The man seemed angered, and threw Jesse into the wall, walked up to him, took him by the neck, squeezed it, and said, "Don't you ever get suspended again. Or I won't be so forgiving, Miguel." Then it clicked inside Jesse. He was experiencing an Out-of-body experience, and experiencing true empathy. The man hurled Miguel away, and Miguel was furiously fighting back tears, as he skidded into the wall. "Next time, I'll use a whip." he said, walking away.

 

The scene changed yet again, and Jesse found himself on a light green glyph that he could see through the bottom of. He was in pitch black darkness, and he heard familiar voices.Then a strangely familiar girl in front of him, looking like she was undressing in front of him. She yanked at her sleeve and pulled it off, reaching for Jesse with her naked arm. Jesse backed up, and the girl fell through the glyph. Then, he saw the same person from the school, yet his head didn't hurt. "So, it seems that you are finally here." he said. He took small steps toward Jesse. "Draw your weapon, child." he said. Jesse looked around for a stick, and he felt crazy for doing it. "Oh, so at your point of power, you need a base item to brandish your sword. No matter." he said, and waved his hand, and a stick appeared in front of Jesse. He picked it up, and it glowed, and turned into the same sword that appeared in his hand when he was fighting with Miguel. A sword appeared in the other person's hand, and Jesse backed up a few steps. "Don't worry. I'll go easy on you, I just want to test your power." he said, and disappeared. He appeared behind Jesse, and slashed at back, and Jesse acted on instinct, and dodge rolled away from the slash.

 

Jesse wondered how he'd done that without even thinking of it, but he couldn't take any time to figure it out, because the person appeared above him, and came down with a downward slash. Jesse blocked, and the person's blade scratched against his. Then, a strange energy was oozing from the clash, and the person jumped away. "So....he made the right choice, giving you that power." he said. Jesse couldn't see his face because it was covered by the mask, so he couldn't see if he hated being beaten or not. "Train well, my liege." he said, and vanished.

 

Jesse opened his eyes, and he sat up. -What the hell...? I don't think any drug could have caused that....- he thought. -Maybe I'm just crazy....but if it's true, I probably won't be able to deny it much longer....-

Very Awesome 5/5.

This chapter has hints toward abuse. If you do not like that, PM me and I'll give you a lowdown on what this chapter was without the hinting towards that abuse. But it is just a hint, so...

Chapter Five

 

"...and that's how you do square roots. Class dismissed." The bell rang, and everyone gathered their binders. Jesse was laid back, his eyes closed. Justin tapped his shoulder, but he didn't notice. Justin then grabbed his hand and slapped his face with it. That always worked. "...huh...oh...what...five more minutes...." Jesse said groggily, but Justin yanked his arm sleeve, and pulled him out of the desk, by which time Jesse was awake. Jesse sighed, and walked out with Justin.

 

On the bus, Jesse told Justin about the strange sword, and stating how he's starting to think it's not a drug. "Dreams?" said Justin. Jesse shook his head, and turned on his PSP. Instead of showing the XMB panel, it had a black screen with red 666 flashing on it. "Laly, you douche. That's not funny." Laly rose from the seat behind them. "Ooooooo, haunted PSP!" he said. Jesse handed it to him. "Just fix it." Laly nodded, pressed a few buttons, and the red reflection in his eyes faded, and Laly gave it back. "Oh, yeah, I also hacked it for you. You can play ISO and CSO games now." Jesse's eyes widened. "You wha-- nevermind, as long as you didn't break it."

 

Jesse sighed, and lied down on the couch. "...wait...." he said, getting up. "They most likely did it on this couch." he said, and sat on a chair. He reread the note, it read;

 

To Jesse

We went to the bar to have some "Us" time.

If you want something to eat, we left a ham and swiss sandwich in the fridge for you.

To a Random Burglar

The Doors are locked, so help yourself to Jesse's sandwich.

We'll be back later to call the cops on you.

Cecilia and Julian(Juan)

 

He fell asleep on the other couch, and had another out of body experience.

He found himself in a bedroom, where there were punk rock posters on the wall. He heard the clomping of boots on wood, and the door opened blindingly fast, and saw Miguel's dad in a pose that had a neon sign on it: "I'M SO AWESOME! I KICKED A DOOR OPEN!" Jesse made sure he wasn't Miguel, because he saw breasts under the bottom's of his eyes. Miguel's dad had a smile on his face, chewing a cigarette slower than he'd seen before. The girl looked down, and shuddered. He heard leather sliding against jean material, and when the girl looked up, he had taken his belt off and was now slowly inching his pants down, then, the scene changed.

 

Jesse then thought to himself, -It's not just his son he abuses, but his daughter as well. That man was completely firetrucked up in the head.- He looked around and took in the scene. It was his World Music classroom, but it looked like a tornado hit it. The desks were knocked over, and pencils and books were scattered all over, when he saw the same person he had before. Jesse instictively grabbed a pole, but it didn't change. -What?- he thought. But it wouldn't change. "There has to be more abilities to you than just your blade." his sword appeared, and he appeared in front of Jesse, and slashed at him. Jesse ducked, and slid his leg under his feet to knock him over. It worked, thank god, and he fell, but then disappeared and appeared behind Jesse, and locked his blade against his throat. "What do you do in a death position without a weapon?" he said to Jesse. Jesse quickly grabbed his blade and judo threw him over his shoulder. -Where the hell did that come from?- thought Jesse. "That reminds me, don't mess with Kye-Wielders, but that just means I made the right choice. You, are a natural." he said, vanishing. -Kye-Wielders?- thought Jesse. But he then opened his eyes, right back on the couch, and held his head.

 

Chapter Five Finish

Chapter Six

 

Jesse stared up into the ceiling of the bus thinking of his Out-of-body experiences. -I...can go into people's bodies and feel what they feel. It's like empathy, or something. I've never met Miguel's sister, but I've never really thought about it...- He then saw her; black, ripped in the sleeves t-shirt, black jeans with chains. It was Miguel's sister. He felt it. There was nowhere for her to sit, so she sat next to Jesse. She stared down into her lap sadly. "Hi there! I'm Jesse!" Jesse smiled. "What's yours?" She didn't look up. "Natalie..." she said. "My name's Jesse. if you didn't hear, haha! Why the long face?" she cringed, as if Jesse were about to rub her leg. But she realized he didn't so her leg settled back into place. "Troubles at home..." she said, her eyes shining. -What the hell did that guy do to her? It's just not right.- She was going to cry, but Jesse said, "I have troubles at home all the time. But I don't think I'll relate to yours. You do know, if your dad...or mom....does things to you...you can always tell the school." Her eyes shined more, welling up with so many tears that they could burst at any moment.

"It's not that simple...." she said. "Nothing is. But hey, life's life. Deal with problems your own way, I can't tell you how to deal with yours. But, I'm here if you want to ask." he said, smiling. "Thanks....I'll keep that in mind..." she said.

 

In class, Jesse observed her as carefully as possible, but not staring for too long and not looking at her too often so he wouldn't seem like a stalker. The bell rang, and he quickly broke his gaze. -She seems sad. She doesn't talk. She might as well not exist. On the bus home, she sat by Jesse again, not talking much. "Well, hi there." said Jesse happily. She gripped her book tightly. "Hi." She kept staring down. "I...have something to tell you... my dad...he..." she gripped her book harder. "He...sexually abuses me...." "Haven't you tried to tell the school?" he replied. "It's not that simple. He weasles his way out of everything. If I told, he would find a way to make it look like I was lying." Jesse then wondered, -Why are my out-of-body-experiences centered on him? Why is he a prime target for my dreams?- thought. "I've also figured that your dad beats your brother, too. When he came to school, a few days before his suspension, I saw bruises on him. You're going to have to tell sometime soon." She shook her head. "I just need somewhere away from him to stay." Jesse thought for a moment. "My sister would jump at the chance of you being a family member." Her face lit up a bit, but then it went back down. "But--" Jesse stopped her. "No buts, she'll do it." (lols i c whut i did thar)

 

When Jesse walked into the house, his sister was cooking Ramen Noodles. "Hey, Cece, found you a friend." said Jesse, sitting on the table, getting the reaction from Cecelia he had hoped. "OH MY FREAKING GOD! A LITTLE SISTER!" said Cecilia, hugging her as if she were going away tomorrow. Jesse was worrying that Natalie's face would get squished by her chest. Natalie broke from the suffocating hug and walked away, when Juan came into the room. "OH MY GOD, IS THIS OUR DAUGHTER?!" he said, and he hugged her. He then let her go, and hugged Cecilia to stop jealousy from rising. "Well, that aside, we're planning to go to the casino. You two have fun." she said, swallowing her Ramen Noodles without chewing them. "Oh, grow up." said Jesse, facepalming. Cecilia then left with Juan.

 

Chapter Six Finished

You are great at coming up with a story like this. It is very intersesting to read about a guy like Jesse. You should definitly make a book.

Chapter Seven

There was a deafening rap at the door. -Who could that be...?- Jesse thought. He opened the door to see Miguel's dad, chewing on a medium-size cigarette. "Hey, kid, I heard that my daughter's here. I hope you've had your fun, 'cause I need her home." Jesse shook his head. "Nah. Can't have any visitors. My sister and her boyfriend are at the casino, and my parents should be getting home from their cruise soon, so if I had anyone in, I would lose my video games for a month." Jesse shut the door, but he heard a clang and the door stopped abruptly. He saw a steel toed boot there. Jesse opened the door again. "Oh, sorry, I didn't realize your foot was there." Miguel's dad grabbed Jesse by the shirt collar and held him close enough to smell his cigarette breath. "Don't play firetrucking stupid with me, kid. I know she's here, and I need her home." He then dropped Jesse and invited himself in the house. -Natalie, hide yourself!- thought Jesse. "Hey! I can't have visitors! Get out, or I call the cops!" he didn't listen, and Jesse brought out his cell phone and dieled 9-1-1. Riiing. Riing. Riing. Click. 9-1-1. State your emergency." Jesse did a silent cheer. "Please, help, a strange man came into my house and he's looking for his daughter!" Then the woman replied, "If his daughter is in there, he--" Jesse cut her off. "HE SEXUALLY ABUSES HER!" said Jesse, a little too loud. He then heard a painful scream come from Natalie. "Please, be quick!" Click.

 

The sirens flashed outside. Jesse was scraped and bruised, and he regained consciousness. Miguel's dad was gone, and Natalie lied across the room. Jesse put his finger above her mouth. -She....isn't breathing....- thought Jesse. The police kicked down the door and stormed the house. "We have you surrounded! Do not try to run!" said a familiar burlesque voice. Justin's father came into the room, flanked by Justin. Justin ran up and knelt in front of Natalie. "What the hell happened?" Jesse shook his head. "Miguel's dad really loves his meat." sighed Jesse. "He came to get his precious plaything. He sexually abuses her to the point where she's depressed beyond where she can't even be home." Justin put his ear above her chest. Th-thump........ th-thump. Being the son of a Chief and Paramedic, Justin knew medical conditions, so he didn't do that for an easy thrill. "She's in a coma. Her heartbeat is very slow." Jesse felt relieved. "Now our only problem that's left is Miguel's dad." The Chief opened up his notepad and noted the scene, "Jesse...age...14...black hair....birthmark of an eye on his hand...." -Wait. Did he say birthmark? I don't have one...- He checked his hand and saw a mark of an eye, looking as if it was burned there with a rod that you brand cows with. -Did he...mark my hand...?- The chief continued. "Natalie...age...14, going on 15....red hair...." then he put his notepad away. "Miguel's father's name is James. He used to rape people back in the 90's. When we locked him up, he escaped, and used the alias John. We have to capture this guy. I might even get a promotion." he left Justin with Jesse. "I have an ambulance coming over for her, okay? If he bothers you again, call this number." he tossed a piece of paper at Jesse, and Jesse nodded, reading the number. -763, 842, 6894- thought Jesse.

 

Chapter Seven Finish.

Chapter Eight

Jesse stared absentmindedly at his hand, and clenched his fist. The eye seemed to stretch and shrink with his hand. -Did he do something to my hand? Did he seal it? Is it so I can't summon that sword?- he then got up and went outside. Then, an image of a black devil figure flashed in his mind, as if he were seeing it. His head exploded with pain again, and he looked up unto his neighbor's roof. The same black figure from the school. The pain forced him to one knee. He put his cloak over Jesse, and Jesse felt as if he were flying, and then he recognized the place the figure warped him to. The roof of his school. Then the figure let down his hood. Jesse recognized his face. "Z-zac--" the person cut him off. "Don't say my name, Jesse, names have power." he then disappeared and appeared farther away. Zack swung at the air with his fist, and a white sword appeared in his hand, and tossed Jesse a stick. Jesse grabbed it,but it didn't change. "Ah. I see." said Zack. "But, it seems, I have been told to kill you." he raised his sword.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rK_db_arzw

He disappeared and appeared behind Jesse, and Jesse dodge rolled. He then hurled his sword at him, and then disappeared and appeared in front of Jesse, caught his sword after Jesse dodged it, and slashed at Jesse's back, leaving a cut. "I have to remember to thank James!" said Zack with a devilish smile. Black flame swirled around his sword and he lunged at Jesse. Jesse ducked, and the black flame singed his hair, and Zack lunged lower, and Jesse jumped and did a side flip over the sword, and the heat was so intense, it sealed his cut on his back. Jesse landed and rolled into the vent, putting a dent in it. He got up, but Zack was already slashing at him. "Sayonara, sucker!" yelled Zack, and Jesse closed his eyes. He opened them, and saw the black sword in front of his eyes. It had blocked the slash, and the flames were licking against it. "Alright then, the tides have turned." said Jesse, grabbing the sword.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqRWHGQatcw

He then slashed at Zack, and he caught him off guard, cutting his arm. Zack backflipped and shot black fireballs at him as he gracefully flew through the air. "What? How did you do that?" shouted Zack when he land. "That seal was supposed to keep your sword from appearing. Jesse paid no mind, and instinctively slashed at the air. It summoned white magics that flew with blinding speed to Zack*. Jesse's eyes widened, and saw he was blinded by the strange blast of power, so he dashed up, and slashed downward at him. He left a nice-size cut from his chest to his stomach, and had cuts all over his body from the blast of power. Zack rose and slashed again, but Jesse sidestepped him and slashed at his back, and when he doubled over, Jesse kicked him in the back and sent him skidding to the vent that Jesse had already dented. It deepened the dent, and Jesse walked over to Zack, watching the blood dribble out ofthe corner of his mouth. Jesse raised his foot and lunged it into his chest, furthering the dent, and making Zack cough up blood. "Now tell me....just who gave you this order?" said Jesse, pushing his foot further into his chest to make sure he talked.

 

Chapter Eight finish

*The blast of power is the Windscar, from Inuyasha. It is not exactly that,this is just to give you a visual.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRLAvz9QKxM

And also, I decided to put music in the posts like Lu Xun does. Do you like the change, or not?

I like it

 

And it's cool to add music in stories..

 

Sometimes, it has a way to connect with what we're reading, and it ends up making it a lot better

Chapter 9

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked, coughing. Jesse rose his sword and pointed it at his head, the white energy swirling again. "Hahahahah. Just what are you going to do with that?" Jesse slashed at the air, and the energy went at his face at point blank range, and he vanished. Jesse heard his voice echo. "Sorry we didn't have enough time to play. I'm sure we'll see each other again." The roof of the school then vibrated, and Jesse heard the bell ring. "Oh, right." he quickly jumped off the roof and landed on a bush, not minding the scrapes from its' twigs and branches, he walked into the school.

--

"Damn! That kid is stronger than I thought, James! That brat may have the power to break your bond with Natalie." James, a tall black figure with horns replied, "Keh. I doubt it. The pact I made with her, nay, I didn't sexually abuse her, I branded her with the Devil mark on her leg, and it is the form of a black eye." Zack started laughing. He knew what it meant. He could control her at any time.

--

Jesse sat in his desk, with his head down. -So goddamn tired. That took a lot out of me.- he thought. Natalie was marking down the test answers when her leg tingled. It spread to her whole body, and she saw her skin glow. "What...?" she said, amazed. Jesse's black vision turned red, and he opened his eyes. There was a black figure, like Jesse had seen in his mind when he saw Zack. "Goddammit...not again." he said, and his sword appeared without thinking about it.

http-~~-//www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQnkwozHiUI

Everybody ran away at the sight of the beast. Jesse thought, -Good, nothing to worry about.- and he dashed up to the beast. -As long as I can keep it from killing them.- He then slashed at it, but it blocked with it's horn, and slashed at him with its' claws, sending him sailing back into the wall. Jesse bent over, still weak from his last fight, and tried again. Slish. -Did I get it?- thought Jesse.

He then saw Justin's limp body in front of him. The beast used Justin's body for defense.

There was a long cut along Justin's arm, and the beast threw Justin at the wall. The beast then glowed, and changed into the form of Zack. "Hey there." Zack said with a grin. Jesse let his rage take over, and he slashed at Zack with out warning, but then double over, and held his stomach. His hands tried feebly to keep his blood in. "Hahah. I did good, didn't I? I got you to kneel." Jesse gritted his teeth, and slashed at him again, but Zack blocked with his bare arm. "You apparently have no intent to kill, as you've had before. Emotions decipher your strength." Jesse's vision grew blurry, and he felt blood dip through his fingers. He craned his head, and through haze, he saw Justin. Justin was holding his arm, and had apparently recovered consciousness. His eyes were closed and he was breathing fast. Jesse slashed again without looking. Kersliiiish. Zack fell over, and coughed up blood, and Jesse looked up. He saw a deep cut in Zack's chest, right next to his heart, and then Jesse lost consciousness.

 

Chapter Nine End

Chapter Ten

Jesse awoke in the blazing classroom. There was fire everywhere, and Justin had lost consciousness. The flame was surrounding them, so there was no escape. The fire only grew more intense as it closed around. Jesse saw Zack on the floor. Zack was breathing, but barely. Jesse held up his sword and slashed downward. Zack disappeared and the blade hit the tile. "Damn. Too late." he said. The fire was getting closer. Jesse grabbed Justin, and slashed at the air towards the fire, and the light blast of power came out and dispersed the fire. He walked through the clearing. All the students were gone. All of the teachers as well.

Jesse put Justin against the wall. "Hello?!" called Jesse. No response. He walked down the hall, and went over to the main entrance. He stumbled at the door and held himself up. There was no sidewalk as there had been. There was nothing. It was like the school was in a dimension of its own. He backed away from the doorway, and fell backwards. "What...?" he said. Then, a voice echoed through the empty area. "Hah. My mind games do work." The shadows began darting around and then went off the wall and took human form. White swords appeared in their hands. Their black figures shimmering as if they were excited. Jesse took off down the hall. -Did he say mind games? Is that what this is?- More shadows sprung from the wall, slashing at Jesse with their swords. Jesse somersaulted, the swords barely missing him. -Ah! Justin!- he thought, and ran over to the other hallway to see Justin gone. -He can't have gone far with a badly cut arm.- Another shadow figure slashed at him.-Ah, screw it. I'm going to fight.- he picked up a broom that the janitor used to sweep hallways, and it turned into a black sword. Jesse slashed at a shadow, and it dispersed, like sand through a power fan. He slashed at more, and it had the same effect. -Now, to see to Justin.- More shadow figures appeared. -Cut through the ones that matter.- he thought, cleaving through them to make a path. He saw Justin, his arm not moving, and he held a sword in his hand, and was breathing hard. He fell to his knees. -What?! Is this part of his mind game?- then Justin disappeared in a bright light. His silver sword clanged against the tile. Then, when the bright light cleared Jesse saw Zack holding the silver sword. "I figure it's high time you knew. Knew what you really are." the shadow figures that loomed behind him vanished. "You see, you've been able to wield Kye. A mystical power that summons a deadly sword. And all people that are connected to you are able to wield it, like Justin." -Wait. Hold on. Kye?- "The reason you're able to wield it is because..." he vanished and appeared behind Jesse. "...you're not human." Jesse's eyes widened. "It happened when you were ten. Do you remember when you broke your arm and a hooded figure gave you a sword?" Jesse nodded slowly as it came back to him. He felt a cold blade against his neck. "That was my mistake. I should never have given you that power." Jesse took the sword off his neck and stood up. "Your mistake is about to kill you, then." Jesse slashed at Zack without warning. Zack ducked and grabbed his arm, and lunged his sword at his chest. Jesse grabbed the blade with his hand. Blood trickled down his arm. He kneed Zack in the stomach, sending him back to the ground. He slashed down at Zack while he was on the ground. Zack vanished and appeared behind him. Jesse turned around and blocked the incoming slash and swept Zack's feet from below. While he was falling, Jesse kicked at his back and sent him flying into a locker. Zack hit the locker, making a large dent in it. Jesse walked up to Zack, slashed downward at him.

 

Zack held his stomach to keep the blood in. "You bastard." he said, trying to get up to slash, but it didn't work. He fell down. Jesse slashed at his back, and kicked him into the wall again. -Where did I get all this power? I could never do something as damaging as this.- Zack coughed up blood. "You....you're better than I thought..." he said, losing consciousness, and melting away.

Chapter Ten Finished

I would like to say that it is a very good piece of work so far and that you are talented in the story telling department. I really like the music addition. The story's a tad gruesome for my taste, but ahh well. The only thing I could think to change would be to add more description to the characters so we can get a good feel for how they look and thus distinguish them more easily from one another.

I'll post CH 11 soon