Okay, so there's this guy who asked me out on a date. The thing is, I don't want to get into a relationship with him for several reasons. He's a cool guy, and I'm sure he'll be great for someone else, but not for me. I just want to stay friends with him.

 

Here's the kicker: I said yes to him without really thinking, and now I feel bad, like I'm leading him on or something. But which would be worse? Calling off the date now, or going on the one date with him and telling him it won't work out afterward? My logic here was to give him a chance so that he wouldn't think I was flat out rejecting him, but is that leading him on? I know it's just a date, but he was referring to it as the "first date," as if he expected more to come later. Now I just feel like a horrible and idiotic person.

 

So, I know this topic may be subjective because everybody has a different personality and a different view on what it means for two people to go on a date, but I'll ask the question anyway. It's primarily for guys, but you girls can answer too, preferably if you're the type to ask someone out instead of waiting to be asked out:

Whenever you ask someone on a date and they don't want to be in a relationship with you (and you may or may not know this initially), would you rather have them say no right off the bat, or go on the date with you and give you a chance, only to turn you down later?

 

And please, try not to be mean to me about this--I'm already beating myself up quite a bit over the situation. The last thing I want to do is hurt this guy's feelings, but it's probably too late already... http://kh13.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/sleep.png

Why not try going out anyways for fun? You might find out more about him and enjoy it. You might learn things about him you didnt know and who knows? Or maybe you both might realize you are better off friends...At least in the end you might end up closer friends then before.

I think you should go out on the date with him!

You never know, maybe your opinion of being in a relationship might change!

But if you still feel like it won't work out, don't feel bad.

You gave it a shot, what else can you do?

You can't force yourself to like him.

You could also cancel it now and explain.

Honestly, either way is going to upset him if he does get upset.

It's all up to you, don't feel bad.

Give the guy a chance.

Why not try going out anyways for fun? You might find out more about him and enjoy it. You might learn things about him you didnt know and who knows? Or maybe you both might realize you are better off friends...At least in the end you might end up closer friends then before.

 

I agree you wil never know until you try, give him a fair chance.

Honesty is the best solution. If you're convinced that you're not into him, don't prolong telling him. Do it as soon as possible - the longer you wait, the harder it will be on him and on you. Especially if you go on a date with him. If it were me, I'd feel crushed and lied to. It will still be difficult for him, but if you're honest to him now he'll respect you much more and will have an easier time moving on.

I feel like i'm the guy in this story with my girl... :c... No way escaping hurting him...

Go out on the date, if things change, they change, if not, meet up over coffee or somthing and say sorry, i loved the other night but i dont think your right for me

Same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Cept, she asked me out. I digress, you should go on the date anyway. You may find that you really like the guy. If it doesn't go well, just tell him the truth.

Thanks for giving me all your opinions, everybody! I really appreciate it!

I'm gonna speak with my personal experience.

If you said yes, and go right off and tell him it won't work out BEFORE you even try it, he'll be really crushed. That's happened to me before.

At least make the guy a bit happy. Who knows, you might like it.

If it were me, I would do everything to get the other person to break the relationship first. But if you value friendship and stuff I guess thats not a good option (what am I doing being a KH-fan)

 

In all seriousness, I have been on the date where I didnt care about the girl at all. I end up spending those hours feeling miserable, and then it makes her miserable and everything just falls apart in the most awkward way possible... I say just break it clean while you can.

Give him a chance, you never know...

 

And if things really aren't working, then you can use that time to show him that it isn't.

I recommand that you go on the date before you do anything else.

You won't like hearing this, but the guy's feelings need to get hurt a little anywho.

 

1. You rejected him flat out = He feels crushed

2. You cancel on him = He feels betrayed and crushed

3. You date and tell him you want to remain friends = He will be disappointed.

 

or

 

4. You don't want to hurt his feelings and keep going out with him insincerely till your secret breaks and so does his heart.

 

Relationships are complicated. I have told girls who seem to hint at relationships to their face that I'm at the point in my life where I don't want to be in a relationship, that school and music and colleges are my priority. I'm not insulting at all.

 

 

So you should NOT cancel on him. Go out with him. If you enjoy it and want to remain together, great! If you still don't feel a spark, be honest and let him know now. Do as I do and tell him that you just don't have time for a relationship and that it wasn't him. I would also say something like, "I'm sorry if I was leading you on by going on this date, but I just wanted to have a good time with you and didn't realize that I'm not ready for a relationship." Something like that, so that he doesn't think you led him on.