Insert spoiler because of wall of text.

 

I'm not the kind of person to tell people my problems out in the open or online, but what the heck.

 

 

 

For the past one year and a half, I've been having some family problems, financial problems, and the like. 2011 is the most painful year of my life and had to endure it for so long which lead me to join KH13 for some reason back in January last year.

 

I'll try to keep it brief. I'm not good at explaining so I hope it's understandable.

 

Back on November 2010 sometime after my birthday, My dad got a very bad stroke which lead nearly to his death and thank god he is fine now obviously. It's just the journey that was very painful and traumatized.

 

We had financial problems because some of my dad's partner company took advantage of us and a few company shareholders and kept the money to himself. He never payed my dad and the rest of the shareholders and were forced to let go. The good thing is now, my dad and the shareholders is suing him legally so everything should be fine.

 

January - October 2011, we were forced to go back to my hometown because my dad got a friend that can massage him to cure his nerve damage. My dad can't get up and walk properly because of the bad stroke. He can't sleep on his own bed for the past 1 year and had to sleep on the reclining chair.

 

We also need to mortgage our house and that's when family problem starts.

 

We ask my cousin who is a lawyer and on my mother's side of the family to help us mortgage the house to get some money for the time being. She agreed, but things go down under when she and the rest of my mother's side look down on us and was trying to take advantage of our money by charging the fee with a large amount of money but my dad was too smart for that and seen right through them.

 

That's when I realized that my mother's side of the family really hates my parents alot just because we had such a peaceful life and never disturb anyone but they had to give us trouble all the time and talk bad about us behind our backs when we did nothing to harm them.

 

My father's side of the family always ask my dad for money and obviously he didn't give them any money but they kept on harrasing my parents throughout the years even before my brother and I was born.

 

My family background is really big, It's just because of these hatred and betrayal alone made us cut of our contact with the rest of the family except for my one uncle, aunty, grandmother and 2 cousins of mine. All this happen last year and it was painful.

 

Also because, of all this happening, I wasn't able to continue my studies. Even now, I still can't continue my studies. I can actually continue my studies next month, it's just I don't wanna risk more money as we are still financially unstable and I still need to take care of my dad.

 

None of my friends knew that I had these problems until I told them about it on December of last year. I'm really not the kind of person to ask my friends for help or anyone for that matter. I just don't like giving anyone trouble and I will feel bad for that.

 

Next my relationship with my girlfriend. She really had a hard time not being able to see me for the past 1 year. That's from November 2010 to December 2011. Aside from our ex-friends trying to sabotage our relationship in the past, this was actually the worse. We did a long talk if we should break up or not and it is still on the fence now because I am still having some financial problem. I don't want her to suffer along with me but I also need to respect her for her decisions. It's hard but she is the most patience person I've ever met. For her to be patience for me that much really makes me cry sometimes. Of course we get to see each other again but I still don't want to disturb her and her studies for the time being.

 

As of right now, I'm currently working around my dad's office to help him out along with my brother. It is still kinda stressful but not as bad as before and my dad can walk and sleep on his own bed now. Just had some pain in his nerve stomach and spinal cord which need regular check up.

 

As for my time here in KH13 since 2011? From the very start, I've been posting things here like nothing happens to me and being a happy go lucky me when I was actually experiencing a very painful life outside of the internet. I tried my best to stay positive here and not to cost anyone here any trouble. KH13 had always been my stress-free zone even though I didn't talk to anyone here.

 

I did attempt to leave the forum twice because I don't want to spread any negativity around the forums but I manage to keep that all in and browse the forum like normal and quietly.

 

Also, I'm sorry if I really offended anyone of you here. I did attempt to chat with some of you before but, of course I make it a hard person to talk to as always and had some misunderstanding, which lead me not to chat with anyone here later on until today.

 

I pretty much know and understand I'm not close to everyone here on this forum and know nothing about me and I'm really sorry for that. I just don't know who to talk to here even though I'm still around here for like a year now.

 

I guess that's about it. There are actually more problems but I'll stop here. My only wish is for everyone here not to experience like what I had.

 

I admit, I really did think about suicide to run away from all those problems but of course, I'll be the most idiotic guy ever to do that and decided to be patience and wait for our time to come. Thank god things got better but obviously it's a slow process.

 

Once again. I'm sorry for the trouble for posting this kind of thing here. I never expect myself to type it out like this. For a 21 year old guy, I'm really living one hell of a life.

 

If I'm being negative around here the past few months, I'm sorry. I'll try my best to stay positive from now on.

 

 

 

About that fanfic that I've posted last week.

 

I will continue writing that fanfic but I am changing it to a different but suitable story. After following Apprenty and some of my kpop friend's advice, I will be writing in a more suitable setting. The title stays the same and I will re-introduce the fanfic hopefully sometime this year.

I'm so sorry! I'll pray for you guys and hopefully things will get better for all of you! If you need someone to chat with, I'm right here!^^

I'm so sorry! I'll pray for you guys and hopefully things will get better for all of you! If you need someone to chat with, I'm right here!^^

 

Same here

I'm so sorry But dont worry buddy you will be okay. I hope your family is good too... Everything will be ok

I fell sorry for you..I wish your life gets better.This remind meof the time I had problems too.Just don't give up your life.It could get better.

If you really need something where rigth here.I know how it feels

Don't sweat it. Everyone needs to vent every once in a while, and it's good things are slightly better than they once were. At the very least, you can say some things are headed in the right direction. Something I'll advise you about, though, is that there's no shame in being a bit more open about the problems you have. Posting something like this is progress, sure, but keeping things bottled in from everyone is a dangerous mindset to get into. There's a big difference between whining about every bad thing that happens to you, and asking for a little support for all the successive crap piling on top of you.

 

I know how you feel about asking for help because you don't wanna be a burden to anyone, and you feel bad about giving people trouble, but it seems many of the problems you've listed are circumstances beyond your control. Keeping everything to yourself and expecting to succeed at handling your problems all on your own, when you think about it, is arrogant. I should know because I went through something similar not too long ago, but my bro set me straight. Frankly, no one is that capable, especially not someone in their early twenties with almost no resources to their name. You're not necessarily "burdening" anyone by telling them about your problems. At the least, your friends can provide you a listening ear, even if they can't offer solutions.

 

If you truly think you're a burden by telling people your problems, let me ask you this: why have your parents kept you around for so long when, objectively, you're nothing but a financial burden on them? Why didn't they give you up for adoption considering all the financial and emotional time and effort they would need to spend on you? All the money, all the worry, all the sleepless nights and decisions they needed to make on your behalf? Why would anyone put themselves through so much hardship? What makes you worth all that? What makes anyone worth all that?

 

The answer is simple: they love you. They care about you. Your problems may put strain on people, but what's the alternative? Not telling them, pretending everything is all right, and letting things fester until they start affecting other people? That's the flipside to love: they worry about you and you worry about them, and they want to do what they can to help you because they don't want to see you in pain. And that's why you're worth it. All this crap piled on you and you still get out of bed in the morning, working to help your dad and brother instead of lazing around, waiting for things to get better before you do anything. Just think about it, because I think everyone goes through a period of worthlessness, especially people around our age when they're in no position to do much.

and if u need someone to talk too,dont hesitate, were all friends here!! btw its seems uve gone through alot but u know what u should do next time instead of trying to commit suicide? u should thank God and im being Serious. ALWAYS thank God for the good things and bad things in life ill tell u why thats so important later just dont ever give up and keep beleiving in ureself,ull find happiness one day.

 

Same here

 

Yea same here!! i hope everything turns out to be ok in the end!!

Thanks you guys. Really appreciate it. =)

 

And yeah. It does sounds like I'm being arrogant. I've gone past that already and being positive around my friends and family.

 

And I should follow my own advice too. You know that feeling when you can just freely give people advice but when it comes to your own problems, you can't use your own advice and get angry/stressed out for nothing? It is what I'm feeling most of the time and it shows that it's not easy at all, but things are better now definitely.

 

I'm never giving up either. Patience is my ultimate weapon.

 

I'm just letting old stress out of the way and I'm glad I did. Thank you. =)