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Organization XIII: The Life and Times of Roxas. (The Story Version.).

Posted

"Nobodies........beings without Hearts........born when a Heartless leaves behind it's "Empty Shell" the Body........Nobodies can feel naught a thing........except, the desire....to become, complete........".

 

Day I-The Induction:

 

"........" Roxas said naught a word, as he could be seen both tossing and turning on his bed, thinking about how today was finally the day that he was officially going to become a member of Organization XIII, despite still acting like the zombie that he was like during his first week within Organization XIII, with Axel then appearing in Roxas' room using a Corridor of Darkness before then saying to him the words "Yo! rise and shine sleepyhead! today's the induction day! if you don't show up, my carcass is gonna be on the line....so yeah, up and adam youngster!" said Axel to Roxas, as Axel placed his hands on Roxas whilst trying to wake him up by both tossing and turning him even further, only for Axel to accidentally do too much of that and cause Roxas to fall off his bed and in turn cause Axel to apologize to Roxas by saying "Oops, sorry bout that, guess i got myself too caught up a little there heh." said Axel, as he stroked his hair in embarrassment whilst Roxas just got up nonchalantly.

 

Upon helping Roxas get up on his feet, did Axel show Roxas the way to Where Nothing Gathers, which after immediately entering at, did Roxas show a little "Emotion" upon coming into contact with Xemnas, of whom Roxas feels both a little scared and uncertain of, as everyone else looks down at him and start to gossip amongst themselves by saying:

 

Lexaeus-"So, that's the Keyblade's chosen one huh? hmph, doesn't look like much to me, what do you make of him, Xaldin?".

 

Xaldin-"Hmm....hard to say at this particular moment, we will just have to see how much he fairs for us.".

 

Demyx-"That's the newcomer? geez louise and here i was hoping we would be getting another chick in the group, a far less hot tempered one then we already have.".

 

Larxene-"HUUUUUUH? what was that? Sitar boy?".

 

Luxord-"Fuu fuu, things are certainly running amuck within the air now, perhaps i should read a tarot of what the future will hold in store now?".

 

Marluxia-"That's easy, Luxord, a future of where great things are certainly to come for the Organization and it's goals....".

 

Vexen-"Hmph! i am not impressed by that "thing" whatsoever! just look at him! even if he does wield a Keyblade, how much do you think will we be able to get from him?".

 

Saix-"........".

 

Zexion-"This isn't about how you feel Vexen, it's about how this new Keyblade bearer will serve dutifully in Organization XIII.".

 

Xigbar-"Awwwww, isn't this cute? the newbie is getting all this fuss about him....".

 

The Organization's members gossip amongst themselves one after another whilst Axel lastly says to Roxas "See that Rox? they're all warming up to you already." said Axel with a "Cheerful Smile" on his face, even though Roxas didn't respond whatsoever, as Xemnas mearly looked down upon both Roxas and Axel before smirking evilly a little.

Edited by Iamkingdomhearts1000

Featured Replies

Keep it up please... Maybe I should make a parallel with Xion...

This was very good

Oh dear, oh dear.  Well, you asked for my help, so here goes.

 

The grammar and formatting, for starts.  Honestly, there's so much to cover that there's no way I can do it here.  Instead, read a nice guide I found here:  http://eznguide.rogerdodger.me/

 

It's a fanfiction guide but the general rules stated, like grammar and whatnot, apply for writing in general.  The examples are related to My Little Pony, but it's just the examples used--the guide can be used by anyone, so even if you don't like FiM, just tough it out and read the whole thing.  Seriously, read the whole thing.  I can't explain everything here and this guide covers a lot in one place.  After that, I recommend finding grammar and formatting rules online to get more specific grasps on them.  Really, I recommend you read a book, preferably a good one, and study what they do.  Spelling, grammar, style, and all that.

 

In terms of specific examples, like Name-"Dialogue"?  Don't do that.  Use "said" tags as normal, and luckily for you, the guide I linked to has a whole section on them.

 

What you have is too short for me to pick things out story-wise, but from what's been shown, the characters are pretty much in-character.  I can expect them to say something like what they did here in canon.  You got the general bases covered, but just be aware there are subtleties to peoples' personality as well.

 

So yeah, please read the guide I linked to.  It'll really help.  If you really work at it, you can make something nice.

  • Author

Keep it up please... Maybe I should make a parallel with Xion...

 

A rival? sounds good to me :].

This was very good

 

Thanks :], it's my first proper KH Fanfic i want to do serious work on :].

  • Author

Day II-Another:

 

"Roxas was now starting to both "Warm Up" a little and "Express Emotion" after having spent exactly six Days with the Organization's members, only to now receive word that a new member would be joining the ranks and duss, was seen at Where Nothing Gathers, awaiting this new member in the exact same manner that Roxas joined in exactly not too long ago.".

 

Upon Xemnas introducing the Organization's number XIV as Xion, did it's members start gossiping like with the case of Roxas:

 

Demyx-"WOOHOO! another girl! oh yeah! sweet! though....i admit she's a little too young for me, still, seems decent enough to chat with at the very least maybe....".

 

Larxene-"....Demyx, your a creep.".

 

Zexion-"Number XIV, Xion, hmm........".

 

Xigbar-"I guess this means we're now called Organization "XIV" no?".

 

Marluxia-"Another beautiful flower has now entered our frey, though, i wonder....can she really measure up to our number XIII? the Keyblade's chosen one?".

 

Luxord-"Who's to say and who's to know? only the fates shall tell us what the cards will hold in store, who knows? maybe even a ace of spades perhaps?".

 

Vexen-"Fuu fuu fuu fuu fuu fuu....".

 

Xaldin-"Hmph, what is that sniggering old loon laughing about?".

 

Lexaeus-"Saix, you already knew about this new member beforehand, didn't you?".

 

Saix-"........It doesn't matter either if i did or didn't, lord Xemnas has decided on this puppet being entered into our ranks and so i will not dare question his judgement.".

 

Axel-"........".

 

Roxas could only listen on to the opinions of his fellow Organization members whilst trying to think up his own opinion about Xion, as Roxas then thought up in his head about what Xion really looks like under her Black Coat's hood.

 

Edited by Iamkingdomhearts1000

Heh, Xigbar brings up a good point.

Pretty good, so far.

  • Author

Day III: A Sun and a Moon.

 

Upon Axel's return from Castle Oblivion and with him, Roxas and Xion becoming best friends, did Axel start to reflect to himself about the days of when he was Lea whilst Saix was Isa at the time, even remembering the very first day when they met around both Sora and Riku's ages when they were kids respectively, at a Radiant Garden preschool where Isa was treated as an outcast and that the only one who ever warmed up to him was the class clown Lea.

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