So I have a huge problem @_@
I'm probably being completely crazy, but hey love is the kind of bullshit that drives everyone crazy.

So recently I started to really like this girl....well i actually started liking her two months ago but now i've actually had more chances to talk to her and I'm closer to her friends than I was back then and to be honest I'm starting to really like this girl and I had this whole plan laid out where I would get to know her better and ask her out some time this week on my very first date.

Now here's where things get shitty...a few days ago I started to suspect one of my best friends might be starting to get attracted to me, but my sister told me I was probably just misinterpreting things cause I really haven't been very good at reading women in the past.
But of course I know that I'm actually quite better and reading people's emotions now so let's assume my suspicions are true.

Now lately a friend of mine had gone and squealed to the friends of the girl i like and they all basically know I like and plan to ask her out now so for the past few days I have been trying to talk more to that girl and it's become quite obvious to all my friends that I really like her.

Last night some friends and I went out for dinner and this best friend who likes me seemed really depressed and at one point mentioned that no guy would date her because of her looks and she went home after a while, depressed and boy did i feel like a complete moron for not being more careful about her feelings before. I was a dumbass, so openly talking about this beautiful and kind girl that I was starting to really like. Take note folks, learning to keep one's mouth shut is a valuable ability.

So now we get to the complicated part.
On one hand there is this beautiful girl I like who literally everyone describes as one of the genuinely kindest and most caring people you could know and well I'm a sucker for good people so naturally I'd end up being really attracted to her and I've also gotten the feeling that she might be attracted to me. If things work out my first girlfriend could be this amazing person and we might even be really happy together.

On the other hand, my best friend has survived cancer twice and she still has to regularly go and get chemo and meds. In addition to that she has self-esteem issues when it comes to her looks and now the guy she may have wanted to be with is attracted to someone else. That's just way to much bullshit happening to a person at one time and now i'm trying to figure out what to do.

I've arrived at three possible ways and note that they all HAVE to involve attempting to ask out the girl I like in some way because at this point too many people know I like her and are expecting me to so it would look really odd if I abruptly chickened out and be like "whoops changed my mind! Them hormones am i right?"

Possibility 1: I proceed with trying to find love at the risk of breaking my best friend's heart and I really do not want to make her feel that way

Possibility 2: I attempt to sabotage my first date: This has two ways:
1) I find out if there's a guy who likes the same girl as me and figure out a way to talk him into asking her out then if he does I can just be like "oh well I wasn't fast enough"
2) I go on this date and I deliberately become a really boring and awkward date and then she won't be interested in a relationship.

Possibility 3: I go on my first date and I try my best to make it a good one, but at the end of it, regardless of whether she's interested in a relationship I just come clean about everything and tell her I can't be with her even if i wanted to. She's a kind person, I'm sure she'd understand.

 

If I go with 2 and 3, then I can wait a few weeks and ask my best friend out. To be honest I don't have romantic feelings for her, but we have a ton of things in common and well attraction is something I've heard can grow.

But then that also seems like a terrible idea cause women are smart and they can tell if you're not really into them.

It just seems like my friend's getting hurt somehow in every scenario I've thought of

So I've been thinking this over and over and I keep struggling to figure out the right solution so I decided the only thing I can do is ask people for their opinion on this. How do you guys think I should go about this

Oh boy, that's... quite a situation.

Honestly I'd probably go with #3, it seems to be the best way to go. Sort of. Tell this girl about the situation but don't be like "So I can't date you." Be more like
"I'll be honest. I'm in a situation right now where dating you may make things worse for my best friend. What do you think I should do?"

But then again, I wouldn't be the best person to take advice from.

Woah...I'm sorry to hear that bro, I know it can be tough and hope that things turn out good for you...So I'm not going to "tell" you what to do but kind of say that I think you're overthinking it. I've learned in the past (with multiple girls) that being paranoid doesn't help the situation. Now I'm not sure if that's the case here, but that's just how it sounds to me. These sound like good friends, I say do whatever you can to keep them friends even if you end up not dating one, just don't force it. I'm going to go all instinct and say the Tarzan quote "Trust your heart, Let fate decide."

 

I had everything planned out for my most recent crush, I tried talking to her but couldn't find the time to be alone or close enough to even talk directly so I messaged her, I just came straight out and said that I liked her but that I just wanted to be friends for now and see how that worked and she said she didn't want to date right now but we could be friends...

*Next day at school: Completely ignored me which I totally didn't expect...I check twitter, her two best friends are following me (they were keeping tabs on me for some reason I'll never know)

 

I think they still are x_x

 

She never answered me so I left it alone and let her be (yet I think she thinks I still like her which I honestly don't after that whole stunt)

 

You can't think of every possibility so just go with the flow, try to make things right with both friends (And I say just plain out ask the one if she really does like you, just to see...but what do I know ) So just keep calm, I don't see anything to worry about.

Edited February 7, 20178 yr by DaxtotheMax

This is one hell of a problem. Life sure has it's ways of screwing you over. Possibility 1 is crazy and unethical. I wouldn't recommend it.

Possibility 2 looks better but I don't think you'd want to come off as a boring person.

Possibility 3 looks like the best option. You probably don't even need to go on that date, but that's your choice. Just be careful about how you phrase what you say when you tell her the truth.

Oh boy, that's... quite a situation.

Honestly I'd probably go with #3, it seems to be the best way to go. Sort of. Tell this girl about the situation but don't be like "So I can't date you." Be more like

"I'll be honest. I'm in a situation right now where dating you may make things worse for my best friend. What do you think I should do?"

But then again, I wouldn't be the best person to take advice from.

This seems like a good way to come clean. Don't say that you can't date her, that's far too blunt. Maybe tell her about your best friend's situation, she may be understanding.

 

But take my advice with a grain of salt. May not be the best advice you'll get.

Hmm, this is a particularly sticky situation...not an easy one, at that!

 

Well, if you had to ask me, in your shoes, I'd talk to this best friend of yours. I'd tell her to talk to me, to tell me everything she's feeling. After telling you what she feels, respond accordingly. But I do believe that what you can do is that you kindly and respectfully tell your best friend that you don't see her romantically, but only as a best friend. I mean, what she went through is rough and all, there's no mistaking that, but if you don't have feelings for her romantically, you can't force em out of you! I mean, you'd be lying to yourself if you were with her only because you felt bad about her situation! Trust me, going into things without feeling them is a messy affair!

 

This other girl, who I'll dub "Joy" seems to be a really nice person, based on how you described her! She sounds like a nice catch! I say you go for it and see if you two can hit it off! But on the subject of this situation you're going through, since you said she's a good person, you can maybe ask her to help you out with this situation? Because maybe the two of you can help your best friend feel better about herself! Because let me tell you, you trying to sabotage your date sounds like it might go wrong in numerous ways, because, by human nature, things go awry when one tries to make things go bad on purpose. So I don't know, try to find a middle ground in which you can be able to date this girl, while being able to ensure your best friend isn't broken up by it! Now, I know it sounds hard, but I think that in your heart of hearts, you can manage it!

 

Your best friend also sounds really sweet, so I really do think that being honest is the best policy!

 

Well, that's all I've got! I hope it helps! May your heart be your guiding key!

Hmm, this is a particularly sticky situation...not an easy one, at that!

 

Well, if you had to ask me, in your shoes, I'd talk to this best friend of yours. I'd tell her to talk to me, to tell me everything she's feeling. After telling you what she feels, respond accordingly. But I do believe that what you can do is that you kindly and respectfully tell your best friend that you don't see her romantically, but only as a best friend. I mean, what she went through is rough and all, there's no mistaking that, but if you don't have feelings for her romantically, you can't force em out of you! I mean, you'd be lying to yourself if you were with her only because you felt bad about her situation! Trust me, going into things without feeling them is a messy affair!

 

This other girl, who I'll dub "Joy" seems to be a really nice person, based on how you described her! She sounds like a nice catch! I say you go for it and see if you two can hit it off! But on the subject of this situation you're going through, since you said she's a good person, you can maybe ask her to help you out with this situation? Because maybe the two of you can help your best friend feel better about herself! Because let me tell you, you trying to sabotage your date sounds like it might go wrong in numerous ways, because, by human nature, things go awry when one tries to make things go bad on purpose. So I don't know, try to find a middle ground in which you can be able to date this girl, while being able to ensure your best friend isn't broken up by it! Now, I know it sounds hard, but I think that in your heart of hearts, you can manage it!

 

Your best friend also sounds really sweet, so I really do think that being honest is the best policy!

 

Well, that's all I've got! I hope it helps! May your heart be your guiding key!

I honestly haven't a thing to add to this, but, I second this here. ^

 

...seriously, literally everything I would have said is right here. The beautiful bastard swept it from me.

I honestly haven't a thing to add to this, but, I second this here. ^

 

...seriously, literally everything I would have said is right here. The beautiful bastard swept it from me.

 

Well, I appreciate the flattery, fellow Keyblade Wielder! But I just thought about what I think would be the proper way to handle his situation. Glad you're on the same page as me, Nero!

 

I wish you the best of luck with your predicament, Mr. Col. Random!

Edited February 8, 20178 yr by The Transcendent Key

I don't mean to sound selfish here, but I think you should follow your heart and date whom you wish. It wouldn't be right to date your best friend if you just feel sorry for her and aren't attracted to her. What would happen if she was truly in love with you, thought you felt the same way, and then tries to, in the end, marry? You could either be stuck in a lifelong commitment because you feel bad for her and care, or you would have to tell her the truth and make her feel horrible. I think it is insanely risky to fake romantic interest in your friend if your heart isn't really in it. In the end it's just going to backfire and hurt you, her, or both.

 

Your happiness is very important, too, and something like a relationship needs to be a commitment that you want rather than something you do out of guilt, pity, or obligation. You have a very big heart for caring so much, but you've got to stay true to your heart and take care of you. If your best friend cares for you she'll understand, and I'm sure that there's more ways you can make her feel better.

 

Should you, however, go with your best friend, I would recommend being as honest as possible, perhaps not even going out on the first date. You can simply tell people that something happened and you can't, or that your circumstances have changed. It's better to end things before they start, y'know? I wouldn't risk trying to fake the girl out into not having an interest for you. What if she still does and wants to keep up a relationship? Also, as you mentioned, girls are smarter than that, and she will probably realize that you are up to something.

 

Finally, here's something else to think about: the emotions and feelings of the other girl that you really like. If she does really like you as you think, won't she be hurt to be asked out on a date only for the relationship to have no hope of continuing? Maybe she'll blame herself, thinking there's something secretly wrong with her that turned you away toward your best friend. If it were me I would be relieved that my feelings were spared the joy and excitement of a first date only for it to be immediately crushed and make me question myself. It wouldn't really be fair to her, especially if you only do it because your friends are expecting you to.

 

I hope that helps some. This situation sounds incredibly difficult, and because you're in it I'm sure you can see things that we can't. I just wanted to give you some other things to consider and think about before making your final decision. I wish you the best.