My dad's planning on retiring from the military soon, and now he's kindly informed us over the phone that he is getting remarried. I don't like his girlfriend, and neither do my brothers. She's just awful and so annoying. She babysat us once (you know, I'm fourteen, I could've babysat, but noooo, had to be his girlfriend.) and I started to make dinner. She laughed at me and was like, "Little girls don't make dinner." I yelled and told her I wasn't a little girl and, unlike her, I'd actually been taking care of kids and knew what it was like. She didn't and she had no right to touch anything in my kitchen. When my dad found out he had a fit. The next morning, I got the boys' lunches ready and stuff, and she came down all like, "Oh, no, no, let me do it. I'll be your mom soon so I should get practicing." That was the worst possible comment ever. We got into a screaming match and she's just... ugh, there aren't words for how much I hate her. She isn't my mom and she never will be. And while I don't exactly like taking care of the boys (It's hard, especially since Alex has autism, and still wets the bed.) I feel like it's my job, and I don't want her getting in the way. If the situation had been reversed, and my mom knew we didn't like her new boyfriend, she'd get rid of him immediately. I don't understand why my dad doesn't care. It's not what my mom would have done. It's not right. Technically they're still married. If someone dies, there was no divorce, so they're still married in my opinion. On top of the fact, you know, she's a total jerk. You DON'T tell someone you're going to try and be their new mom. I just can't believe my dad would do this to me--to us. I mean, Nick doesn't care because he's never home, so he's never met her. But the rest of us do. I feel like he just totally ditched us.

all i can say is hang in there

I really have no right to say anything, since I don't know anything about your situation besides what I read just now... but have you talked with your dad about it? Stupid question, I can guess that you probably have

 

Oh, and this is probably a rude point for me to make so try not to be offended, but if your mother has died then that marriage has ended. Marriage lasts "until death"

@Xenidal

I have. He's known I hated her since the moment he brought her home. (And I still have no idea how they even met.)

 

Well, I feel like it should be more than that. When my dad goes to Heaven years later, I want him and my mom to be together and happy again, not with some weirdo thrown in.

Wow, that's horrible. She sounds like a bitch.

However you're going to have to face her and maybe get to know her better. I know, I know, bad advice. You'd never want to be friends with someone like that. But you won't be able to escape the situation, so just face it. You'll need to find a way to get along with this bitch.

Well this is my first time posting here soo.. don't hate me haha. Buut I'm gonna respond to this in a way that you prooobably wont like..

 

First of all, I don't really see what the big deal about the babysitting is, your dad probably just wanted you to have some happy bonding time with his girlfriend. And it sounds to me like she was kind of joking around when she made that comment about the little girls not making dinner. Yelling at her prooobably didn't help things.. It sounded like she was suggesting she would cook, which would be a nice thing to do, -not- a bad thing. And whether or not she said she was going to be your new mom, from your post it sounds like she is. Whats so bad about her at least trying to be a good mom? At least she sounds like she cares and shes not being a jerk or something. From your post it sounds like it could be a LOT worse and that your just over reacting, but that's just my opinion from what you've said. I don't really know what's going on as well as you do, so for all I know I'm completely wrong. But I think you should just give her a chance, and think about how much worse it could be. If your real mom's gone then your dad's gonna get lonely and want someone to live his life with, I say be happy that it's someone who's trying to be a mom.

 

Good luck.

I am going to agree with FunkiFlippy here, it doesn't sound near as bad as it could be. Now, please don't get mad at what I am about to say, as I truly have the best intentions here.

 

I know it is upsetting that your dad had her baby sit you, since you are old enough, and you have experience looking after kids. But perhaps he had hoped that you and she would take this time to get to know each other. Now, saying "Little girls don't make dinner" could really go either way, as it all depends on the manner, tone, and intention of how and why it was said. Was her laugh one that sounded lighthearted, or snide (or whatever other adjective), and did she say "Little girls don't make dinner" in a jokingly way, or antagonistically? Think about this hard. Now, if she was meaning to insult or antagonize you, then your reaction wasn't too out of line, but if she meant it in good humor, then perhaps you may have overreacted a little. Now, that doesn't really excuse her saying it, but she doesn't really know that well, so maybe she didn't know how well you could take a joke, or what you perceive as humorous.

 

For your second reason stated as to why you don't like her, I believe it comes down to what she really meant. Again manner, tone, and intention. These kinds of things don't translate very well into words, and are much harder to discern. From what I read, it seemed like an honest enough thing to say, and I really don't see the problem if she wants to at least try and be the best "mom" as possible. However, I could be completely wrong about that, as I have no clue how she said it. I know that you feel like it is your job to protect your brothers, but you can't and won't always be there, and it is never bad to get a little help now and then.

 

The next point I want to make is that she will never be able to replace your mom, true. But no one ever will. Its unlikely there is another person out there who would have the same personality and traits as your mom, and even less likely that your dad would ever meet such person. I am sorry, but you will never be truly happy with anyone your dad would want to marry if you think they are going to replace your mom. They are different people, you will have to treat them as such. I know it feels weird that your dad is getting remarried, but you have to think about him. He must love this woman, and he must also feel terrible that his own children don't feel the same about her. To be honest, it sounds like your major problem with her is that she is trying to "take the place" of your mom. You need to tell her (or your dad) that you aren't able to accept her as your real mom, but you are at least willing to give her a chance. Like I said, no one will ever be able to replace your mom.

 

Also, your dad isn't the same as your mom was. You can't expect him to make decisions exactly like your mom would. I will say it again; he must love this woman, and feel terrible that his children don't feel the same. Nevertheless, you need to discuss this with your dad.

 

I realize that this is probably not what you wanted to hear, but please at least take the time and think things through. And for goodness sake, discuss this with your dad. Force him to listen if you have to. I hate to admit it, but we here can only do so much by giving you support and advice, you need to do something in your life to make things better. I apologize if you find any of this offensive, as that was never my intention. I also apologize for any in-consistencies in my post, it is late as I write this, so just point anything out and I will be happy to clarify my meaning or elaborate.

@FunkiFlippy & dragonmaster

 

The babysitting was a big deal to me because it's always been my job, and I specifically told my dad I didn't want her there. But he said, out of the blue, "Oh, now you're not old enough to babysit." Which doesn't make sense.

 

I guess I shouldn't have flipped out so much over her telling me not to make dinner, but I don't like how she's trying to take over all of my responsibilities. The mom comment was very out of place, though. I don't feel she'll ever be my mom, and I don't want her to try and act like she is. I hate it when she keeps trying to butt in, even though she knows I hate it when she does. I don't think she likes me very much, either.

 

I know my dad should be happy. I just don't like the idea of her being a part of my family. It's just the five of us now, and that's how it should always be. He's going to have to take care of the twins for another eight years and me for another four. I feel like we should be the priority for a while, and he's always talking about her, not asking about us anymore. He doesn't even call us as much anymore, but he's always on the phone with her. He called us a few nights ago, and of course when I heard it was him, I got excited, and was asking if he was okay and I was happy to hear him. His first words after "hi" were "can I talk to Amanda?" She's taking away my dad now too. It just gets me frustrated, because I feel like she's taking away my family and my responsibilities. And now she's been trying to talk my dad out of sending me to the Naval Academy when I'm older. She's like, "Oh, girls can't go in the military. She should stay home and get married so I can have some grandchildren." Now it feels like she's trying to screw with my future, too. I've known where I was going since I played with GI Joes and Power Rangers when I was little. I've never doubted going into the military, and I have no idea why she thinks she can change my mind.

 

I've tried talking to my dad about it and explaining why I don't like her, but he's all, "Oh, sweetie, you're just being too hard on her. You can still be the same. This doesn't change anything." That frustrates me the most because it changes EVERYTHING.

@FunkiFlippy & dragonmaster

 

The babysitting was a big deal to me because it's always been my job, and I specifically told my dad I didn't want her there. But he said, out of the blue, "Oh, now you're not old enough to babysit." Which doesn't make sense.

 

I guess I shouldn't have flipped out so much over her telling me not to make dinner, but I don't like how she's trying to take over all of my responsibilities. The mom comment was very out of place, though. I don't feel she'll ever be my mom, and I don't want her to try and act like she is. I hate it when she keeps trying to butt in, even though she knows I hate it when she does. I don't think she likes me very much, either.

 

I know my dad should be happy. I just don't like the idea of her being a part of my family. It's just the five of us now, and that's how it should always be. He's going to have to take care of the twins for another eight years and me for another four. I feel like we should be the priority for a while, and he's always talking about her, not asking about us anymore. He doesn't even call us as much anymore, but he's always on the phone with her. He called us a few nights ago, and of course when I heard it was him, I got excited, and was asking if he was okay and I was happy to hear him. His first words after "hi" were "can I talk to Amanda?" She's taking away my dad now too. It just gets me frustrated, because I feel like she's taking away my family and my responsibilities. And now she's been trying to talk my dad out of sending me to the Naval Academy when I'm older. She's like, "Oh, girls can't go in the military. She should stay home and get married so I can have some grandchildren." Now it feels like she's trying to screw with my future, too. I've known where I was going since I played with GI Joes and Power Rangers when I was little. I've never doubted going into the military, and I have no idea why she thinks she can change my mind.

 

I've tried talking to my dad about it and explaining why I don't like her, but he's all, "Oh, sweetie, you're just being too hard on her. You can still be the same. This doesn't change anything." That frustrates me the most because it changes EVERYTHING.

 

Wow, that sucks.

Adults can be a pain when they're stuborn.

@butterflylexi

That does stink that he is starting to talk to her more than his children. But, it should start to even out soon. At least, I would think (and hope) so. Also, it isn't right for her to try and talk your dad into not letting you go to the Naval Academy, especially for the reason she gave. I am sorry your dad didn't listen to you very well, Sora's Little Helper is right, adults are a pain when they're stubborn.

This situation is very hard for you, but don't you think you're a bit... let's say.. Jealous? Because she seems to be taking away your dad, your duty -- everything (don't get me wrong, you have every right to be) Why don't you try to talk with her? Ask what she wants with your dad, tell her you're not happy with what she's doing.. MAYBE, this could change something.. but if it doesn't.. Then if not, try to explain everything you've said here to us, to your dad.. However, if this also doesn't change anything, I think you'll have to go for more serious strategies.. If you see that there is no way to stop her, and that your father is blind because of love.. Why don't you begin to argue with her, create discussions, and all that stuff? But only when your dad is home, because the main goal is to make him see that you two can't get along.. About your future, tell her that she has nothing to do with it, and that she doesn't have to put her noise in where she's not called, tell her you don't want a new mom, and no one will ever replace yours.. But only do things like this if the situation is unbearable, and you think you don't have another way.. I wish you luck, though.

I can kinda relate. My parents got divorced when I was a toddler. My mom re-married when I was 13 even though she said she would wait til I was 18. I was the youngest (my brother is 5 years older than me, my sister is 11 years older) so I got all the attention. He never seemed to care about me in the slightest and I was a pretty troubled kid (Asperger's Syndrome, issues with my sexual orientation and violent tendencies) I hated him. We would fight all the time (sometimes it would even get physical) but the first time he told me he was proud of me I felt strangely happy. When the fighting started to put a strain on their relationship I was oddly sad. I knew that if she had to choose I would come out on top, but he made her happy and I could never forgive myself if I took that away from her. It was at that point I realized that I was being just as much of a jerk as he was, so I decided to take it easy on him. We had nothing in common but I found a show we both liked. We never spoke during it but we never fought either. We're hardly buddy-buddy now but all the hate, resentment, and animosity is gone and I've come to accept him as a part of my life. Anyway she may just be exited about being a maternal figure for the first time. Maybe you could talk to her directly. Something like "I'll only ever have one mother and that's not you. But I'm willing to try to get along. For Dad's sake." Granted I never tried this with my step-father but he was never the "Let's talk about or feelings" type. Who knows? Maybe it'll work for you two.

"Oh, no, no, let me do it. I'll be your mom soon so I should get practicing."

 

Complete and utter ignorance here. I can't believe someone would be so stupidly arrogant.