Is it possible for someone who's lied for years to change? As a kid, I lied a lot, I was a kid so I didn't fully understand how wrong it was. I'd just wanted to get out of trouble. But my parents would still punish me for lying anyway. As my parents had more kids, punishments became less strict and turned into 'Just go to your room'. With my tv. And books. And video games. And they barely even enforced that. I could leave the room like ten minutes later and they wouldn't care. And they still do this with my younger siblings. They have a lot of kids, so I understand how busy it is for them, and how they never exactly had TIME to enforce things. So I basically got away with lying more and more. I was depressed, lonely, convinced I was unwanted and couldn't do anything right, so I kept things inside and lied to keep away some of the pain. But now it's become a huge issue for me, and it needs to stop. It's a difficult habit to break, and one I've been doing for so long, so it isn't the easiest thing for me. But I need to change this, or I'll lose everything and everyone. Enough is enough, and I'm tired of this.

 

So is it possible for me to change? I'd really appreciate some advice...Even if you don't comment, I want to thank you just for reading this. It's like...hearing me out, at least. 

You can change whatever you want only if you want

No one is incapable of changing. The only thing that's needed is the determination for it. If you want it to stop then keep trying and if that doesn't work, try harder.You can do it and noone can stop you

Well I don't know you very well but for me I find it's a lot easier to tell the truth if you really and truly don't care what people think about you. There will always be people who make us feel unwanted or out of place and lying to avoid that is really easy to do. But when you realize that you are above those people and it doesn't matter what they think about you, at least for me, it becomes much easier to tell the truth. Maybe even accepting the consequences for whatever it is that you lied to get out of trouble for might be a good thing to do.

Well if you know its not good for you and your future just stop.When you're about to lie,try to think about the consequences before you lie.I don't know why you're lying,but most of the time its pointless and its always easier to tell the truth.

 

Oh and of course you can change

Edited August 3, 201312 yr by Isaix

Of course. To stop any habit, in this case lying, you need to know why you do it, why you want to stop and the determination to stop. You've already pointed out why you lie and why you want to stop so as long as you try your hardest you can stop.

What sort of things do you lie about? Like important things or what?

 

I don't know. If it's things that aren't a big deal I don't see it as a big big problem. The people that love you should love you for who you are anyway and not make you feel bad about it.

It's not impossible... But it's really not easy =S

It's really hard to change at your first try,but you have to keep trying and don't give up. I believe we can all change if we want to, though habits we have just come naturally to us and we are hard on ourselves (You'll probably say "I did it again" for some good time).

But you can do it. I'm sure of it.

I have two suggestions, try to get a support group of some sort, and use positive and negative reinforcements.

The first suggestion is simple, try to get a group of people to help out in your efforts to stop lying.The second suggestion is a bit more complex. You want to reinforce the behavior of telling the truth, to do this you would have to set up a system of rewards and punishments. Instead of getting everything you want when you first are capable of getting it, set up a reward plan. The reward plan would be every x number of days without lying you get to get one of your wants. (whether it is an object or an activity) So, now you would have a positive incentive to not tell a lie. And what about for the negative incentive? I would suggest something like having an extremely annoying noise stored on an MP3 player, and then you have to listen to it for 30 seconds -5 minutes each time you lie. (I would suggest getting a new annoying sound every couple of weeks or 20 times listening to it.) After a while you should be lying less and less often. You just have to remember to keep your goals for your positive reinforcement and your negative incentives reasonable. 

Lying is a learned skill.  So is being honest.

 

I lied a lot at an early age so I wouldn't get into trouble, though me being young and stupid, my lies were quickly found out.  Of course I got in trouble for lying, but I also knew I would get into trouble for telling the truth--it means admitting you did something you know was wrong.  This will be followed by uncomfortable questions like why you did it when you know it was wrong, how did you do it, I thought you were telling me the truth before, etc.  In short, I knew lying was wrong, but I didn't have reason to tell the truth.  I got into equal parts trouble whether I lied or told the truth, so I picked the option that at least had the possibility of saving my skin.

 

One solution I can think of is to just not do things that would require you to lie about later.  It bypasses the discomfort and deception altogether and if you have to lie about something, chances are you actually shouldn't have done it.

 

If that's not an option for one reason or another, tell yourself that even if the truth puts you in a bad spot, lying puts you in a worse spot.  When you lie, not only do you get in trouble for doing something wrong, it's compounded by how you tried to deceive the other person.  Would you feel okay if you were deceived?  Are you okay with breaking someone's faith in you?  Put yourself in their shoes.  Even if you don't care much for that particular person, would you want that person to bullshit you for any reason?  It's the same principal.  Golden rule and all.

 

There's less and less tolerance for dishonesty further down the line.  The consequences won't just be, say, your parents' disapproval and maybe a privilege being taken away.  It can cost you your job or worse.  It's good you're tackling this now instead of when your salary is on the line.

 

I think it's all about a mindset.  Lying, like telling the truth, takes a certain mindset.  I suggest you examine yourself.  Question the times you lied, what you got out of it, and what would have happened if you told the truth.  The only way for a mindset to apply (contrast to someone just nagging you) is if you truly internalize it.  You want to abide by it.  It's going to take willpower, but if you're already expressing your displeasure for your lying, you're already on the right track.

 

It's going to take willpower.  It's going to be HARD.  But it's not impossible.

What sort of things do you lie about? Like important things or what?

 

I don't know. If it's things that aren't a big deal I don't see it as a big big problem. The people that love you should love you for who you are anyway and not make you feel bad about it.

Every lie is important, it's selfish and inconsiderate of me to do so...The people that love me have a right to act and feel the way they do, because lying is hurting them and disrespecting them.

Every lie is important, it's selfish and inconsiderate of me to do so...The people that love me have a right to act and feel the way they do, because lying is hurting them and disrespecting them.

Not every lie.

i know this isn't easy for you and I'm willing to do all that I can to help you. You've just got to be willing to help yourself too. Compulsive lying isn't an easy thing to fix and I'm sorry if I'm not always the most helpful. But that doesn't mean I'm done trying. I love you and I hope you're not done trying either. We're in this together<3

People shouldn't have too many kids.

 

Kids aren't even all that cute. Get a dog, those melt more hearts and do a lot less permanent damage to the planet. On the long scale.

 

Same with cats.

 

PEOPLE WHO HAVE TOO MANY KIDS ARE THE ONES LYING TO THEMSELVES THE MOST. annnd making me the most scared for like. everything...

.......

 

 

The dark truth is darrrrrk.

 

dark dark dark.

 

darkness!

 

*consumed by it but is somehow ok in the end*

It's possible for anyone and everyone to change. It's just the matter of whether or not you will.