I wasn't really sure if I should put this here or not, but I figured this was the best place for it.
In 2012, I traded my 3DS friend code with people on NintendoLife, a site dedicated to providing news on anything Nintendo. I ended up added a guy, and I thought we could be friends. He was on his 3DS a lot more than anyone else on my list, and I used to send out a lot of notes on Swapnote, and he'd end up replying to most, if not all, pretty quickly. Since I was almost always on my 3DS, it was really nice to see. I'd been pretty lonely, and it was nice to have someone to talk with so often. I'd been going through a lot of problems with my best friend and my family, and I felt like no one could care less about me, like I wasn't important or loved. So it was nice to feel like someone actually wanted to talk to me for once. Around March I kinda got obsessed with Assassin's Creed though, and spent most of my time playing that instead of my 3DS. That lasted about a month, then I couldn't play it anymore. So I went back to my 3DS, and he was still there. In a way, he didn't really seem the same as he was, but I'd been gone for a month, so I thought it was just how he always was. We talked a lot again, and eventually he started making perverted and inappropriate jokes, and I thought that was all they were, just jokes. So I played along, because I didn't see the harm in some jokes. And before I knew it, those jokes turned really serious. I hadn't even noticed until things were pretty far. It made me really uncomfortable, but I desperately wanted to be liked and cared for, to actually be wanted, so I tried to push those feelings away. And around then things kept getting worse with my best friend, we were both trying to make the other jealous. But she was still my best friend, and I really missed actually talking to her. So, when she actually agreed to stay over in July, I introduced her to him via friend codes so that maybe she'd have a reason to come online more. And if she was online more, maybe she'd talk to me more. And I did that, knowing how he was. It was incredibly selfish of me, but I missed her so much. It didn't work though, she still barely talked to me. And he kept going with that inappropriate talk. He'd talk about sex, and masturbating, and sex with me. And then he asked for a picture of me in nothing but my bra. And I didn't know how to say no. I didn't know how to stand up for myself and stop everything. I know it was online, I know I could have just deleted him, but it was still scary. And I still really wanted to be wanted, so badly. So I sent it. And eventually he asked for one with nothing on...and I sent that too. I did try to put off both, but in the end I still sent them. I was stupid and thought if I did, they might get him to care. Someone would care about me, I'd be important for once. But I wasn't, and deep down I knew it. In the back of my head I'd felt like he was just using me, but I didn't want to believe it. I had liked him at one point, but that like had just turned into liking the idea of someone caring about me. After I sent that second picture, I couldn't make myself believe differently anymore. But I didn't know how to get away. So I hid like a coward, and I started making excuses not to come online. And eventually I got up the courage to just stop making excuses and not come online for a while. I'd go on and off, ignoring him sometimes, not saying why I was gone, talking to other friends, playing games. I came here to escape, to get my mind away from it. And I met Trey...and I didn't delete that guy. And I started dating Trey...and I still didn't delete him. I was so very happy with Trey, and I was still mad at that guy because I'd felt so used. I know that everything that happened was my fault, because I hadn't said no. I'd let him believe it was okay. But that didn't change how I felt at the time. I felt like I wasn't at fault at all. I left him on my friends list so that he would see that I was actually happy, and that he couldn't use me anymore. And then I finally deleted him. And I didn't tell Trey any of it. That was in early December. Trey found out in February of last year, when he saw an old email conversation from the previous summer. And I lied to him...I lied to him about so much, anything and everything. Because I didn't want to accept things how they were, I didn't want to accept that it was my fault, that I did those things, that I was so stupid. I lied to him for months about it...I was so selfish, horrible, inconsiderate, and hurtful. And I can't take any of that back. And even though I did all those things...even though I treated him so badly...he put up with all of it, and he's still here with me, even though it hurts him every day to know that I did those things to him. To know that he can't trust me...but he's still here. Because he loves me. I'm trying very hard to be a good person and to make up for what I've done, but it's still so hard on him. And I would do anything to just go back and change what I did, to take all of it back. Trey deserves to be happy, and I just want to make him happy so very badly. I don't want to be that person, I want to be honest, considerate, helpful, really nice, selfless...I'm trying, and I'm never giving up.