You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism
You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism
You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
Bureucratism
You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
Traditional Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiples and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
Enron Venture Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
Anderson Model Capitalism
You have two cows. You shred them.
French Capitalism
You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads because you want three cows.
Japanese Capitalism
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
German Capitalism
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat only once a month, and milk themselves.
Italian Capitalism
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have pasta for lunch.
Russian Capitalism
You have two cows. You count them and learn that you have five cows. You count them again and learn that you have 46 cows. You count again and learn that you have two cows. You open another bottle of vodka.
Swiss Capitalism
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
Chinese Capitalism
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who says otherwise.
Indian Capitalism
You have two cows. You worship them
British Capitalism
You have two cows. Both are mad.
Iraqi Capitalism
Everyone thinks you have many cows. You tell them you have none. No one believes you, and they bomb the hell out of your country. You still have no cows but at least you are part of a democracy.
New Zealand Capitalism
You have two cows. The one on the left is looking pretty sexy...
Australian Capitalism
You have two cows. One got eaten by a crocodile, and you spend the rest of you days running a website for your favorite video game.
Australian Capitalism
You have two cows. Business seems good. You close the office and go for some celebratory beers.
Canadian Capitalism
You have two cows. Come to think of it, they look more like a pair of moose - in fact, yes they are. One speaks French, one speaks English. One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it. They both play ice hockey rather well.
Socialism
You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor.
Communism
You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism
You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism
You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
Bureucratism
You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
Traditional Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiples and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
Enron Venture Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
Anderson Model Capitalism
You have two cows. You shred them.
French Capitalism
You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads because you want three cows.
Japanese Capitalism
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
German Capitalism
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat only once a month, and milk themselves.
Italian Capitalism
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have pasta for lunch.
Russian Capitalism
You have two cows. You count them and learn that you have five cows. You count them again and learn that you have 46 cows. You count again and learn that you have two cows. You open another bottle of vodka.
Swiss Capitalism
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
Chinese Capitalism
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who says otherwise.
Indian Capitalism
You have two cows. You worship them
British Capitalism
You have two cows. Both are mad.
Iraqi Capitalism
Everyone thinks you have many cows. You tell them you have none. No one believes you, and they bomb the hell out of your country. You still have no cows but at least you are part of a democracy.
New Zealand Capitalism
You have two cows. The one on the left is looking pretty sexy...
Australian CapitalismYou have two cows. One got eaten by a crocodile, and you spend the rest of you days running a website for your favorite video game.
Australian Capitalism
You have two cows. Business seems good. You close the office and go for some celebratory beers.
Canadian Capitalism
You have two cows. Come to think of it, they look more like a pair of moose - in fact, yes they are. One speaks French, one speaks English. One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it. They both play ice hockey rather well.
Edited by Aqua7KH