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Think Pink

Text The KH13 Invasion of the Maple Leaves

By Think Pink, in Creative Media

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Think Pink    1,967

Think Pink
Posted

Chapter 1

 

 

A girl sits at her computer. She scans KH13 for any new posts, and listens to one of her many husbands read her Harry Potter on Skype. She eats brownies, walks her dog, drinks maple syrup, exchanges pleasant 'eh's with her fellow citizens, and is quite average. Except, of course, she is Canadian.

 

Being a Canadian, Genn is of course a Leafatarian. The Leafatarians are a religious group that worships sparkles and the ideas of demolishing capitalism, high belief in socialist democracy, free healthcare, uncreative flags, and filling the world with peace. An evil, terrible group, obviously. One of Genn's husbands, bay, is also Canadian, and therefore Leafatarian as well. They are the only ones of a giant marriage who actually believe in Leafatarianism.

 

Sacha, one of Genn's wives, was pacing around her room. She curled her blonde hair around a finger nervously. On Skype, Genn was saying crazy things, like 'Canada legit has a military', and 'Obama'. It was Leafatarian talk for sure, but how was she to stop it? "Genn," She said sweetly to gain her attention. The Canadian's head popped up. "Would you like to fill the world with sparkles and peace if you could?"

 

"Of course!" Genn responded cheerfully.

 

Sacha frowned. Genn's committment to the Leafatarians was strong. It might even cause Americans to realize that Canada was real! "I have to go do Yankee things." Sacha quickly pulled up the video chat window for Shana.

 

While Shana may not have been part of the marriage, Sacha needed the help of a strong anti-Leafatarian. "Genn and bay are fully committed to the Leafatarian side."

 

Shana sighed, and in her deep, manly voice, answered, "I knew it. They've convinced them Canada is its own country. We'll have to kidnap them and bring them to New York. That might knock out some of the brainwashing. I'll call up Ally."

 

Ally was the newest of Genn's wives. She lived in the magical land of Homestuck, but occasionally ventured out into the real world, such as when she proposed. When Shana offered her the chance to kidnap Genn and bay, Ally didn't hesitate to agree.

 

Wearing her replica Homestuck horns for no apparent reason, Ally crept into the dark land of Canada. Niagara falls roared in the background, while mounties on fat ponies ate donuts and drank maple syrup. Maple leaves littered the sidewalk, which was apparently rainbow-colored. Unicorns pranced through the sky, banners attached to their sides with slogans like, "LOVE EVERYONE" and "LOLFL-LOTS OF LOVE FOR LEAFATARIANS". Below the unicorns and not too far from Ally was a hockey game, where the players screamed and attacked each other without reason. A polar wandered toward Ally, and banged its head against her, begging for maple syrup--the sole food Canadians lived on. Ally shooed away the polar bear and began her search for the two KH13 users.

 

Meanwhile, Sacha and Shana were continuing their Skype conversation. "Operation Rescue the World From Canada begins now." Shana's gravelly voice poured from Sacha's computer's speakers.

 

"This should be easy. If we can stop those two, the rest of the Leafatarians' mind control will be broken." Sacha smiled hopefully.

 

"I don't think it'll be that easy." Kirux popped onto the screen.

 

"Kirux!" Sacha yelped.

 

"Genn has brought me under her spell. I am an all-powerful Canada lover! We will not stop until the whole world is controlled by Canada!"

 

[note: if anyone is offended by how I portray them, please let me know and I'll change it.]

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Think Pink    1,967

Think Pink
Posted

Chapter 2

 

"What do we do, Shana?" Sacha squealed.

 

Shana folded her arms defiantly. "We have a badass flag and Koko. What chance do the Leafatarians have?" Shana tried to change her masculine voice to a sweeter, more feminine one. "Oh, I'm a Leafatarian. I can throw maple leaves at you and then lecture you until you puke rainbows. Fear me." Her voice morphed back into its normal self, and she laughed deeply.

 

"You'll see soon enough what the Leafatarians can do." Kirux smirked, and her camera went blank.

 

"Ally better hurry up." Shana grumbled. "We need Genn and bay stat." She pursed her lips, caught in thought for a moment. "I'll Skype you again if I get any new info, Sacha." She ended the call, and instead pulled up a video chat with an entirely different person. Golden Ultima's profile photo popped onto Shana's screen.

 

"Shana?" Golden's camera was turned off.

 

"It's me, baby." Shana said in her deep, husky voice. "While I wait for Ally to kidnap Genn and bay, let's talk about what we should name our first twelve children."

 

Ally wasn't exactly having an easy time navigating Canada. It didn't help that rainbows gave her migraines, and the idea of eternal peace was a recurring nightmare. But at least she had a hunch on where to look. As it turned out, her hunch was right. They were exactly where you would expect a Canadian to be. Genn and bay were each sitting on a moose talking about a myth called 'Canadian politics'.

 

"I got you!" Ally lunged at the two, capturing their arms.

 

"What are you doing?" Genn yelped. "I was going to eat poutine and you'll upset my stomach!"

 

"I'm going to save you!" Ally sang.

 

bay was busy answering an RP on his magical floating computer, and hadn't yet noticed Ally. "I love Harry Potter. Can't let Lexi name her alternate Edward. No. No Edward. No Twilight."

 

"Twilight does not embrace the Leafatarian ideals of peace and leaves." Genn said robotically. "But the Leafatarians do approve of Kinode's piano music. It is very pretty. Especially when he plays That's What Makes You Beautiful." Despite being a native Canadian, Genn had a distinctly American accent. She began to hum the popular One Direction song.

 

"Shut up. Let's just go to America already. I'm sick of all the tolerance and peace here."

 

"We can't leave Canada. The whole world will become Canada." Genn glowered at her.

 

Just as Ally was beginning to doubt she'd ever be able to convince the pair to come with her, Wolfgang swooped down on a unicorn he had stolen. "Wolf!" Ally shouted. "What are you doing here?"

 

Wolf shrugged tiredly. "Eh. Had nothing better to do." His unicorn gently knocked the two moose until they startled and galloped across the American border into a land of sanity.

 

On the other side, Sacha was waiting. "Hi, everybody! Let's go do something Yankee-ish!" Then she hesitated. "Oh, I should probably call Shana."

 

Shana was deep in conversation with Golden about their children's names. "We should name all of the girls Lexi and all of the boys Romney!" Shana banged her fist against the table.

 

"No!" Golden yelled, his average voice unable to compete with the amount of manliness in Shana's. "The boys should be Think and the girls should be Pink!"

 

"'Scuse me," Sacha said sweetly. "I think you'd like to know that we've captured Genn and bay." She glanced at them behind her and sighed. "Ugh. Looks like they brought some rainbows with them."

 

Rainbows floated around their clothes and above their heads. Genn's shirt read I'm Leafatarian. Have a nice day! bay's was even more unbearable; Is There Any Way I Can Help You Out Of The Goodness Of My Heart?

 

Shana caught a glimpse of the shirts on camera and shuddered. "Canadians need to learn--smash everyone in your way and do whatever you want. What does the word 'nice' even mean?" She realized she'd been ignoring the Canadians themselves, and offered them a giant smile. "Hello, Genn and bay, and welcome to America! Sacha will give you your complimentary eagle and gun. Everyone has guns." She winked. "If you really want to make something out of yourself, you can buy a pink or red, white, and blue stock."

 

Tears welled in Genn's eyes. "I want to go back to Canada! This place is going to be communist soon! I have to go back to the unicorns! The leaves! The beavers! The syrup! Oh, the syrup!" A bottle of maple syrup had been concealed in a Girls' Generation purse at her side. She popped the lid and drank the whole thing. "That's some good syrup." Then she sniffed the air suspiciously. "Is there any wood or water in this country? I'm part beaver and part dolphin, so I need to know. Also, I need more maple syrup. The Canadian kind."

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