Has anyone on here been in a situation where doing something for someone else puts you in a really awkward position? Because that's what's been happening to me lately.

 

So, I have a friend who got engaged about a week ago (a different friend than the last wedding post). I've known her since we were both in sixth grade - that's 14 years. So it's only natural that I've been thinking that someday this would happen, and that when it did, I expected to be in the bridal party. To finally be on the inside. To not feel like an outsider. Except now that it is happening, I'm haven't been chosen. I'm really disappointed - in who I don't know. I mean, I was kinda counting on her and she let me down. I mean this was like my only chance, since I don't have any siblings. I was kinda looking forward to it. I even got started on a speech. But it's not like she got my hopes up (unlike the last time this happened). I did talk to her about it before she decided. And she didn't do this to make me feel bad. She chose some friends that have helped her. It's not like I can play the guilt card on her. I don't want to. But this now makes the whole thing really awkward. I'll be sitting in the audencie when I really should be up there. I'm going to feel like an outsider at the wedding of my closest friend.

 

I should have seen this coming. I've figured out that there are "rules" to being me, which include that if there's an outsider, it's always me, and with a couple ecptions ( one being on KH13) no one ever picks me for anything. I guess I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to move forward with this. I know I should suck it up and pretend it doesn't bother me, but to be honest, that's not going to get me anywhere. Thanks if you read all this. You guys are the best!

Has anyone on here been in a situation where doing something for someone else puts you in a really awkward position? Because that's what's been happening to me lately.

So, I have a friend who got engaged about a week ago (a different friend than the last wedding post). I've known her since we were both in sixth grade - that's 14 years. So it's only natural that I've been thinking that someday this would happen, and that when it did, I expected to be in the bridal party. To finally be on the inside. To not feel like an outsider. Except now that it is happening, I'm haven't been chosen. I'm really disappointed - in who I don't know. I mean, I was kinda counting on her and she let me down. I mean this was like my only chance, since I don't have any siblings. I was kinda looking forward to it. I even got started on a speech. But it's not like she got my hopes up (unlike the last time this happened). I did talk to her about it before she decided. And she didn't do this to make me feel bad. She chose some friends that have helped her. It's not like I can play the guilt card on her. I don't want to. But this now makes the whole thing really awkward. I'll be sitting in the audencie when I really should be up there. I'm going to feel like an outsider at the wedding of my closest friend.

I should have seen this coming. I've figured out that there are "rules" to being me, which include that if there's an outsider, it's always me, and with a couple ecptions ( one being on KH13) no one ever picks me for anything. I guess I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to move forward with this. I know I should suck it up and pretend it doesn't bother me, but to be honest, that's not going to get me anywhere. Thanks if you read all this. You guys are the best!

It may be worth talking to your friend directly how you feel about the situation. You may feel better letting her know how you feel about it to try and avoid bottling your emotions up. It may prevent any confrontation later on if you speak to her about how you feel soon rather than later.

Ah, I'm sure you'll be fine. This kind of thing does happen from time to time. The important thing is to keep moving forward. Sure, it bothers you, but don't let it bother you too much. I'm sure there'll come a day when you get to be a bridal party.

This has happened to me 2 or 3 times, and I'm sorry if you're feeling down, but this really has nothing to do with you.

A wedding is only about the bride and the groom (and God, depending on your religious preference), EVERYONE ELSE is kind of inconsequential. The happiness of the bride and groom is the ONLY thing that matters in this scenario.

I know this post will come off mean, and to an extent I kind of want it to sound mean. This person sounds like a close friend to you, and I'd hate for you to lose such a good friend by sharing what might be perceived as "selfish thoughts".

You know the relationship you share with your friend better than anyone on this site so it's your call, but personally I would put the happiness of my friend first and be silent.

She is your closest friend. But are you hers?

Talk about the story of my life, I can easily relate to you, Joan. You have no clue the number of times I got stuck in an awkward situation with other people. I can't help very much, but I think you should take advice from this guy:

 

This has happened to me 2 or 3 times, and I'm sorry if you're feeling down, but this really has nothing to do with you.

A wedding is only about the bride and the groom (and God, depending on your religious preference), EVERYONE ELSE is kind of inconsequential. The happiness of the bride and groom is the ONLY thing that matters in this scenario.

I know this post will come off mean, and to an extent I kind of want it to sound mean. This person sounds like a close friend to you, and I'd hate for you to lose such a good friend by sharing what might be perceived as "selfish thoughts".

You know the relationship you share with your friend better than anyone on this site so it's your call, but personally I would put the happiness of my friend first and be silent.

Basically, do what he said and support your friend. As close friends, regardless of the circumstances, be happy for them. Because, hey, it's better to have a friend that is still your friend even though they didn't choose you than to be completely shot down and told that you're no longer friends.

 

Keep your cool, Joan. Don't sweat it.

 

 

Rock on!

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, Joan!  But hey, you'll soldier on, I know you will!

 

And well, I haven't gone through this type of situation, so I can't really say anything that would relate, but I can offer you some advice!  Just talk to your friend, speak to her about what you feel and how you feel, and maybe that'll help!  But just make sure that the words don't come off the wrong way, or you might lose a friendship! I don't know if this helps, but good luck!

Hi there. I meant to say something when you posted this and no one else commented. So, here is what I have to say. I know what it feels like to be an outsider, so don't feel bad about that category. Um...from what I read, your friend is in the wrong. If she said something and didn't keep her word, that's wrong. You should say what you are feeling, or in this case, maybe felt. If you are pondering about, you should say what you have to say. Once that's done, then go about your business. Still...don't keep any anger inside you. Just say what you felt or are feeling and let it go. If you are still going to her wedding, then be happy for her. Life is too short for any negativity. I hope you are doing okay. Take care.

I'm sorry that you weren't selected for the bridal party, but please do not feel bad.  The people selected are limited and I'm sure it was a difficult choice for the bride-to-be.  Perhaps you ranked up there, but as you mentioned she went with people that had helped her and maybe it was her way of saying "thanks" even if she had preferred to choose you.  It's odd how people can get pressured into doing things for other people even if it isn't their first pick.  I've also noticed that the people I'm still friends with that I'd had growing up aren't necessarily as close to me as the people that I have met in recent years, even if I've known them longer.  Adulthood is a strange thing and people bond differently with people than they had as children.  I don't mean to say that you and your friend aren't as close as you used to be back then, but perhaps in this different walk of life there are people that bond differently than those of the past.  Perhaps you've had friends like that that you can relate to?

 

Also, I think James sort of nailed it on the head: a wedding is most important to the bride and groom and they seldom think of much else.  This was entirely me when I got married; I didn't care about the wedding or who I invited, but most importantly it was whom I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with.  I truly don't think this is something that should be taken personally.  It's life and I really, really agree with you in that it stinks sometimes when you have your mind set on something and it doesn't happen.  I don't think this is going to be the end of your opportunities, either.  Maybe you'll develop new friends later in life that are getting married and are DYING to have you be a part of things, or maybe sometime you're going to be the head of the show yourself--as the bride!  Even if it seems difficult right now please know that all of your chances aren't shot.  This was just one opportunity, but rest assured that there's going to be others out there, even if you can't see them right now.

 

I hope that helps some, Joan!  I know it must be tough for you and what you're going through right now.  You have all of our support.

Talk about the story of my life, I can easily relate to you, Joan. You have no clue the number of times I got stuck in an awkward situation with other people. I can't help very much, but I think you should take advice from this guy:

Basically, do what he said and support your friend. As close friends, regardless of the circumstances, be happy for them. Because, hey, it's better to have a friend that is still your friend even though they didn't choose you than to be completely shot down and told that you're no longer friends.

Keep your cool, Joan. Don't sweat it.

Rock on!

This has happened to me 2 or 3 times, and I'm sorry if you're feeling down, but this really has nothing to do with you.

A wedding is only about the bride and the groom (and God, depending on your religious preference), EVERYONE ELSE is kind of inconsequential. The happiness of the bride and groom is the ONLY thing that matters in this scenario.

I know this post will come off mean, and to an extent I kind of want it to sound mean. This person sounds like a close friend to you, and I'd hate for you to lose such a good friend by sharing what might be perceived as "selfish thoughts".

You know the relationship you share with your friend better than anyone on this site so it's your call, but personally I would put the happiness of my friend first and be silent.

That's pretty much exactly what I'm doing. It's her wedding, and she comes first. But why does doing something for her, doing the right thing, put me through this? I'm not taking it personally. I understand why she picked them - they've been with her through thick and thin, which I would have if I hadden't been busy with school in another town. As for other chances, I really don't see how I have any. I'm not automatically going to be in my siblings bridal parties, because well, I don't have any. I've tried to do things with the people I've met at school, but there has been some ridiculous reason why I couldn't. My closet friend at school doesn't even answer my texts. This is just really frustrating. I'm not disappointed in her, but am I disappointed in myself?

That's pretty much exactly what I'm doing. It's her wedding, and she comes first. But why does doing something for her, doing the right thing, put me through this? I'm not taking it personally. I understand why she picked them - they've been with her through thick and thin, which I would have if I hadden't been busy with school in another town. As for other chances, I really don't see how I have any. I'm not automatically going to be in my siblings bridal parties, because well, I don't have any. I've tried to do things with the people I've met at school, but there has been some ridiculous reason why I couldn't. My closet friend at school doesn't even answer my texts. This is just really frustrating. I'm not disappointed in her, but am I disappointed in myself?

Whatever disappointment you're feeling, I'm sure is coming from multiple places. Maybe a little bit in yourself. Maybe your friend. Maybe even life. Sometimes putting others first isn't easy, but you do it for the well being of the other person.

 

Friends. Families. Romantic partners. We can't expect them to be any more than they are, faults and all. Your friend who is getting married and the friend who doesn't reply to your texts, they have done things that you find disappointing. But instead of focusing on what your relationships aren't, cherish them for what they are. Don't interpret that as "be grateful for what you get", but celebrate how they've impacted your life.