I'll just give you an example so you can understand what I'm saying. There's a girl who falls in love with a boy that she thought loved her, but just really wants to use her for sex. Then suddenly, she falls in love with another boy she knew for a while and was one of her good friends. One day, he told her of his feelings for her and she returned them back. He also wanted to know more about her, which the first guy never asked of her, and she wanted to know about the second guy, too. However, she doesn't know what to do. Should she stay with the guy she fell in love with first or should she get to know the one who was her friend first? Leave your answers down below so i can see what you think about this kind of predicament.

Edited November 25, 20168 yr by KHUndertaleFan25

I don't really know about relationships and stuff but I think she should get to know the boy that she used to be good friends with .

Edited November 25, 20168 yr by Nick Sideris

I don't really know about relationships and stuff but I think she should get to know the boy that she used to be good friends with .

Ah, that's true.

eenie meenie miney mo? 

But for real this sounds like something out of the Hunger Games...I'm not saying that it should end like the Hunger Games though, I feel like this "person" should just give it time, see who "really" likes them, see if these boys show their true colors. My honest opinion would be to befriend the old friend again, kind of without dating him but being for real, I don't know these people but the first guy doesn't sound like he cares much...Again I'm not the "love expert" (insert Olaf gif) but I hope it turns out for the better in the end

I always thought you pick the 2nd because if you really loved the first person then why did you fall in love with the 2nd?

 

 

I barely know anything about this stuff though. 

Let me say this first, I have no expirience with somthing like that since i've never been in a relationship^^'

 

But I'd say that she just has to really think about it and look into her heart and that she should chose the one who she thinks is the right one and who she truly loves.^^

What do you prefer at the moment: Rough and hard sex where the feelings aren't mutual, or a mutual relationship which you can work on?

 

If I was looking for a stable and mutual relationship, I'd go for the 2nd option

That's easy, it's the second option. She's looking for love but only second guy gives her that.

I think this goes both ways for either gender, but this girl in your example would more likely want to be with the guy who is interested in her, rather than the guy who is only in it for her body.

 

She should be careful, though. If the sexually abusive guy becomes the kind of person who seeks revenge or to threaten her in any way, she should ask for adult help. Seriously, sexual abusive people, both men and women, can be very dangerous, and many innocent lives have been lost because of these selfish, abusive people.

 

Sorry, I don't mean to scare you, but I ask that you be careful, okay?

 

 

Rock on!

Edited November 25, 20168 yr by Veemon

If the girl loves the sex from guy 1 and the caring from guy 2, depending on how long she's been with guy 1, she can probably get the best of both worlds in guy 2 given he's open to it.

If the girl loves the sex from guy 1 and the caring from guy 2, depending on how long she's been with guy 1, she can probably get the best of both worlds in guy 2 given he's open to it.

*shudders* That's not what the girl would want to do.

Edited November 25, 20168 yr by KHUndertaleFan25

I always thought you pick the 2nd because if you really loved the first person then why did you fall in love with the 2nd?

 

 

I barely know anything about this stuff though. 

 

I strongly disagree with this saying. A lot of couples have crushes on other people. Doesn't mean they stopped loving the person they're in a relationship with. Just give it time and the crush will pass. It's normal to develop feelings for other new exciting people. But if you really love your partner you'll work through it.

I strongly disagree with this saying. A lot of couples have crushes on other people. Doesn't mean they stopped loving the person they're in a relationship with. Just give it time and the crush will pass. It's normal to develop feelings for other new exciting people. But if you really love your partner you'll work through it.

And what if she still has feelings for the second guy? Besides, he would make a better boyfriend than the first. He would never hurt her or use her for her body. I'm just saying.

And what if she still has feelings for the second guy? Besides, he would make a better boyfriend than the first. He would never hurt her or use her for her body. I'm just saying.

I disagree with the saying. But in this scenario I say go for the second guy, 'cause he seems to care more about her than the first guy.

I strongly disagree with this saying. A lot of couples have crushes on other people. Doesn't mean they stopped loving the person they're in a relationship with. Just give it time and the crush will pass. It's normal to develop feelings for other new exciting people. But if you really love your partner you'll work through it.

I disagree, if you fall in love with another person whilst you already love one person, you obviously didn't love the first one. You can't be in love with 2 people. Being in love means you have eyes for that person and them only. If you end up falling in love with another person you were clearly never in love.

 

But that's subjective anyway.

The first guy doesn't even deserve her. There really is no conflict here. She should be with the guy who likes her and is genuinely interested in her.

I disagree with the saying. But in this scenario I say go for the second guy, 'cause he seems to care more about her than the first guy.

Exactly.

 

Now for a continuation of the example:

 

After hearing her friends' and other people's opinions about this situation, she thought about it carefully and made her decision. She would rather be with the second boy, who had treated her better. So she broke up with the first and went to be with the other boy. The girl was really happy with her decision and felt that it was best to have left the first boy.

I strongly disagree with this saying. A lot of couples have crushes on other people. Doesn't mean they stopped loving the person they're in a relationship with. Just give it time and the crush will pass. It's normal to develop feelings for other new exciting people. But if you really love your partner you'll work through it.

This actually happened to me. Turns out after a bit of heartbreak from both me and her, I realized I loved the original girl even more.

Edited November 25, 20168 yr by Clouded Sun

The first guy doesn't even deserve her. There really is no conflict here. She should be with the guy who likes her and is genuinely interested in her.

That's a good answer .

Exactly.

 

Now for a continuation of the example:

 

After hearing her friends' and other people's opinions about this situation, she thought about it carefully and made her decision. She would rather be with the second boy, who had treated her better. So she broke up with the first and went to be with the other boy. The girl was really happy with her decision and felt that it was best to have left the first boy.

Congrats! I hope she's careful and safe, and enjoys her time with the second boy

 

A strong bond ties people together better. I believe the best partner is your best friend. And gladly, it seems like the second guy is like her best friend and her boyfriend Hope everything works out awesome

Edited November 25, 20168 yr by Clouded Sun

Congrats! I hope she's careful and safe, and enjoys her time with the second boy

 

A strong bond ties people together better. I believe the best partner is your best friend.

Hehe, I believe the same thing, too.

 

And gladly, it seems like the second guy is like her best friend and her boyfriend Hope everything works out awesome

Of course it will. She loves the second boy a lot.

Edited November 25, 20168 yr by KHUndertaleFan25

I disagree, if you fall in love with another person whilst you already love one person, you obviously didn't love the first one. You can't be in love with 2 people. Being in love means you have eyes for that person and them only. If you end up falling in love with another person you were clearly never in love.

 

But that's subjective anyway.

But being in a relationship means you work through your problems. I don't believe in "the one". I believe you find a person you love and the two of you will work on it until you've made each other perfect for one another.

If you want my advice, just go for the one who's actually interested in getting to know you (or whoever this is really about. From this point on I'll just use "you" to refer to whoever the subject is). If the first person was only ever in it for sex, then they aren't worth keeping around if they aren't even willing to get to know the real "you". It's better to start with someone who's willing to be a friend first so that no matter how the relationship goes going forward, "you" still have a good chance of having a friendship to fall upon so that "you'll" stay on good terms no matter what. Regardless of how "your" feelings towards one person are, they might not be worth pursuing if they aren't being explicitly reciprocated.

 

I just ended a romantic relationship with someone I've considered a best friend for 3 years. Right now we're still trying to pick up the pieces and come to terms with our feelings so that we can try to be friends again some day, or at least I know I am. Just from where I am right now, I can tell you this much, nothing is worth more in a relationship than being with someone who wants to get to know and get closer to every part of you. Not just the sexual part, but the intellectual, the creative, the silly, the fandom-y, the sensitive, and every other part to you there is. It's the common desire to become one person out of two instead of just being two with separate objectives. I honestly think that "you" will get a lot more out of pursuing a meaningful relationship with someone who is actually interested in "you" rather than someone who is literally using "you" for their own satisfaction and doesn't seem to be giving back.

 

And don't take my experience as a sign to be wary about that kind of a relationship. The results of any relationship are purely circumstantial, and no example is a perfect example. It's just my philosophy that a relationship with more positive elements in it will result in a more relatively positive experience and outcome, no matter what that outcome might be in the end.

I disagree, if you fall in love with another person whilst you already love one person, you obviously didn't love the first one. You can't be in love with 2 people. Being in love means you have eyes for that person and them only. If you end up falling in love with another person you were clearly never in love.

But that's subjective anyway.

 Not necessarily. Polyamory is a thing that exists, loving more than one person at the same time at the same amount. Love is not objectively defined as only having feelings for one person and no other. If it were, then we wouldn't be able to have multiple kinds of love, like love for family and individual family members, or love for entertainment and various forms of it, or love for one's nation as well as for the whole world. By that logic, one can have the capacity to love more than one person romantically. Even if you aren't in love with two people at the same time, you can still have the capacity to love beyond whoever you first had eyes for. Say you were certain you were in love in your first relationship, then things ended and over time you found somebody else that you had similar or stronger feelings towards. Yet you still hold a special fondness over the first person you had a relationship with. It's not like you want to drop everything and go back to that first one, but you still have a special connection to them that doesn't really go away. You might not love that same person the way you did when you were dating, but you still love them to some capacity enough to remember them fondly (though that may be circumstantial, depending on how impactful the end was for you). So in a way, you are romantically in love with two people at the same time while only being actively in love with one of them, and only wanting to be active with one of them. You can be in love with multiple people even without being poly.

 

But even with actual polyamory, such a relationship can work out if all partners involved are open and honest about their feelings and needs, and if they are all willing to take the steps needed to maintain a healthy stable relationship. Yes there's room for it to not work out, but the same can be said about monogamous relationships as well. It doesn't just take two or just take three to make things work out, it just takes actual communication, effort, and understanding. In the end I think the important thing to note is that love is a lot more complicated than any definition we can try to give it. In the end it's varied and diverse and has a lot of room to be factored and expanded towards anything. Whatever our societies deem "acceptable" or not has little say over what we ultimately feel, and the only real way to find answers is to look both within AND beyond ourselves.

 

Or at least, that's my opinion.

If you want my advice, just go for the one who's actually interested in getting to know you (or whoever this is really about. From this point on I'll just use "you" to refer to whoever the subject is). If the first person was only ever in it for sex, then they aren't worth keeping around if they aren't even willing to get to know the real "you". It's better to start with someone who's willing to be a friend first so that no matter how the relationship goes going forward, "you" still have a good chance of having a friendship to fall upon so that "you'll" stay on good terms no matter what. Regardless of how "your" feelings towards one person are, they might not be worth pursuing if they aren't being explicitly reciprocated.

 

I just ended a romantic relationship with someone I've considered a best friend for 3 years. Right now we're still trying to pick up the pieces and come to terms with our feelings so that we can try to be friends again some day, or at least I know I am. Just from where I am right now, I can tell you this much, nothing is worth more in a relationship than being with someone who wants to get to know and get closer to every part of you. Not just the sexual part, but the intellectual, the creative, the silly, the fandom-y, the sensitive, and every other part to you there is. It's the common desire to become one person out of two instead of just being two with separate objectives. I honestly think that "you" will get a lot more out of pursuing a meaningful relationship with someone who is actually interested in "you" rather than someone who is literally using "you" for their own satisfaction and doesn't seem to be giving back.

 

And don't take my experience as a sign to be wary about that kind of a relationship. The results of any relationship are purely circumstantial, and no example is a perfect example. It's just my philosophy that a relationship with more positive elements in it will result in a more relatively positive experience and outcome, no matter what that outcome might be in the end.

I see... Well, the girl in my example does have a lot of fandoms she likes. So does the second boy. The first boy, however, was interested in doing games that involve interacting with characters, mostly girls. He also watched an anime involving a harem, which makes the girl quite upset at this. He tried to keep her happy by telling her that he would stop thinking about that desire, which made her feel relieved. But she knew that he would still think about it. She was also quite jealous when he talked about anime girls he had crushes on, though he told her that he had eyes for her only. She then told him that once she had crushes on fictional boys, as well. However, it made him angry and he asked her why. She had lied to him by saying she longer thought about them like that, which quelled the first boy's anger.

 

Also, your advice scares me a bit .

Edited November 25, 20168 yr by KHUndertaleFan25

I see... Well, the girl in my example does have a lot of fandoms she likes. So does the second boy. The first boy, however, was interested in doing games that involve interacting with characters, mostly girls. He also watched an anime involving a harem, which makes the girl quite upset at this. He tried to keep her happy by telling her that he would stop thinking about that desire, which made her feel relieved. But she knew that he would still think about it. She was also quite jealous when he talked about anime girls he had crushes on, though he told her that he had eyes for her only. She then told him that once she had crushes on fictional boys, as well. However, it made him angry and he asked her why. She had lied to him by saying she longer thought about them like that, which quelled the first boy's anger.

 

Also, your advice scares me a bit .

Well that right there seems to send the message that there's a lack of actual communication going on. The two should be expressing each other's feelings and insecurities in a safe environment in a constructive manner. There isn't much room for hiding or working around feelings in a relationship, otherwise it just makes the future that much harder to deal with. If the two aren't willing to talk and work things out, not necessarily change each other but make compromises and accept each other (to change someone should never be a relationship goal), then it might not be a relationship worth struggling on with. I would advise the two to at least see a counselor to at least get a third outside unbiased observation so that they might get some better clarity on where to go from here.

 

And I'm sorry if anything I've said scared you. But again, I explicitly said that my experience does not define what anyone else's experience would be if they were in the same or different circumstances. Everything is circumstantial, and in the end each one will end up going differently because of how different and diverse people are. Don't be afraid of what might happen in the person's situation just because mine went a particular way. Nothing good ever gets done if fear is allowed to be in the way and stop you from moving. There's just as much chance of this person's situation working out just fine if they follow both their heart AND their mind in what they should do. I never meant to frighten anyone with my experience, I just wanted to provide some perspective, in that some things are just much more worth striving for and struggling for than others, especially friendship versus "just being with someone". Take my advice however you will, but don't be too afraid of any kind of outcome to the point where you just can't do anything. Being decisive is ultimately the best quality you can have in these kinds of situations.

Well that right there seems to send the message that there's a lack of actual communication going on. The two should be expressing each other's feelings and insecurities in a safe environment in a constructive manner. There isn't much room for hiding or working around feelings in a relationship, otherwise it just makes the future that much harder to deal with. If the two aren't willing to talk and work things out, not necessarily change each other but make compromises and accept each other (to change someone should never be a relationship goal), then it might not be a relationship worth struggling on with. I would advise the two to at least see a counselor to at least get a third outside unbiased observation so that they might get some better clarity on where to go from here.

The girl in the example doesn't like doing that and neither does the first boy.

Not necessarily. Polyamory is a thing that exists, loving more than one person at the same time at the same amount. Love is not objectively defined as only having feelings for one person and no other. If it were, then we wouldn't be able to have multiple kinds of love, like love for family and individual family members, or love for entertainment and various forms of it, or love for one's nation as well as for the whole world. By that logic, one can have the capacity to love more than one person romantically. Even if you aren't in love with two people at the same time, you can still have the capacity to love beyond whoever you first had eyes for. Say you were certain you were in love in your first relationship, then things ended and over time you found somebody else that you had similar or stronger feelings towards. Yet you still hold a special fondness over the first person you had a relationship with. It's not like you want to drop everything and go back to that first one, but you still have a special connection to them that doesn't really go away. You might not love that same person the way you did when you were dating, but you still love them to some capacity enough to remember them fondly (though that may be circumstantial, depending on how impactful the end was for you). So in a way, you are romantically in love with two people at the same time while only being actively in love with one of them, and only wanting to be active with one of them. You can be in love with multiple people even without being poly.

 

But even with actual polyamory, such a relationship can work out if all partners involved are open and honest about their feelings and needs, and if they are all willing to take the steps needed to maintain a healthy stable relationship. Yes there's room for it to not work out, but the same can be said about monogamous relationships as well. It doesn't just take two or just take three to make things work out, it just takes actual communication, effort, and understanding. In the end I think the important thing to note is that love is a lot more complicated than any definition we can try to give it. In the end it's varied and diverse and has a lot of room to be factored and expanded towards anything. Whatever our societies deem "acceptable" or not has little say over what we ultimately feel, and the only real way to find answers is to look both within AND beyond ourselves.

 

Or at least, that's my opinion.

The girl in the example doesn't care for the first boy at ALL anymore. She knew that it was a mistake to fall in love with him and is no longer fond of him. Her heart has shifted to the second boy. Her feelings for the second boy have grown stronger now that she's let go of the first boy.