My life has finally taken a turn for the better! I don't know...it's like I'm letting go of all the regret and all the hurt that I've just bundled up in my heart ever since I was a child. I'd look back on things that I've done wrong everyday and just hate myself for what I've done. I'd always say, "You had to do that didn't you? You had to screw it up?" or "You should have done this! Not that?! What the hell were you thinking?!" And now, for the first time...I'm letting go. For once, I cry out of happiness not sadness and not fear like all of the other times. It's different now...
I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror and now I'm beginning to accept and like the way I look. I've changed so much but...for the better. It's ironic, just a short year ago, I'd say "screw you, I'm gone" and now I'm beginning to take people's critisms and opinions as a way to improve and that's very strange for me, because I'm very stubborn and I get angry and offended easily in real life. I would even tell people to not talk to me if they wanted to tell me what to do, and now I'm looking for advice; I'm letting people in. I'm scared though because I've never let anyone in fully, especially in real life.
Believe it or not, I'm really quiet IRL. I barely say a word and now I'm beginning to spend time with people. Only a very few people but still...they're people. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I've never let people in on everything so this is all new to me.
I'm also going to be going back to school online. And I may be put on a medication that's going to help with my anxiety without zoning me out. Just think, I can actually fulfill my dream and become a Vet like I've always wanted to be.
Honestly, I thought I'd be dead by now, especially all the near death experiences I've been through. I used to go to the hospital on a weekly basis and now I'm only going maybe 3 to 4 times a month! It's like I've lived in death for so long and I'm finally coming out. I'm coming out into the light and having sunlight on my face for the first time. I used to keep a black curtain over my window, because I'd hate the light. My fan light is actually a black light so, even when you turn it on, you could just make out what was in my room. I used to barely go out and now I'm coming out more, even if it only is once or twice out of the month that's still a huge accomplishment for me! I mean, that's big for me because of how severe my disorder is.
I'm actually starting to have more willpower. I'm really determine to beat this thing. I'm ready! I'm finally ready! :')
My life has finally taken a turn for the better! I don't know...it's like I'm letting go of all the regret and all the hurt that I've just bundled up in my heart ever since I was a child. I'd look back on things that I've done wrong everyday and just hate myself for what I've done. I'd always say, "You had to do that didn't you? You had to screw it up?" or "You should have done this! Not that?! What the hell were you thinking?!" And now, for the first time...I'm letting go. For once, I cry out of happiness not sadness and not fear like all of the other times. It's different now...
I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror and now I'm beginning to accept and like the way I look. I've changed so much but...for the better. It's ironic, just a short year ago, I'd say "screw you, I'm gone" and now I'm beginning to take people's critisms and opinions as a way to improve and that's very strange for me, because I'm very stubborn and I get angry and offended easily in real life. I would even tell people to not talk to me if they wanted to tell me what to do, and now I'm looking for advice; I'm letting people in. I'm scared though because I've never let anyone in fully, especially in real life.
Believe it or not, I'm really quiet IRL. I barely say a word and now I'm beginning to spend time with people. Only a very few people but still...they're people. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I've never let people in on everything so this is all new to me.
I'm also going to be going back to school online. And I may be put on a medication that's going to help with my anxiety without zoning me out. Just think, I can actually fulfill my dream and become a Vet like I've always wanted to be.
Honestly, I thought I'd be dead by now, especially all the near death experiences I've been through. I used to go to the hospital on a weekly basis and now I'm only going maybe 3 to 4 times a month! It's like I've lived in death for so long and I'm finally coming out. I'm coming out into the light and having sunlight on my face for the first time. I used to keep a black curtain over my window, because I'd hate the light. My fan light is actually a black light so, even when you turn it on, you could just make out what was in my room. I used to barely go out and now I'm coming out more, even if it only is once or twice out of the month that's still a huge accomplishment for me! I mean, that's big for me because of how severe my disorder is.
I'm actually starting to have more willpower. I'm really determine to beat this thing. I'm ready! I'm finally ready! :')