There comes a time in all our lives, where we may come into contact with someone who needs consoling. Sometimes, these people are victims of a terrible crime... Koala Rape.

 

What is Koala Rape?

 

Koala Rape is the term used to describe the act of being raped by a Koala. This is a very real problem.

 

What is the underlying cause of Koala Rape?

 

Eucalyptus, the plant that makes up the majority of a Koalas diet, acts as a powerful aphrodisiac for the animals... what this means for you, unfortunately, is that Koalas are more likely then any other creature in the Animal Kingdom to have an extremely aggressive sex drive.

 

With a sex drive as strong as a Koalas, they tend to make advances on all creatures, ranging from Kangaroos, to Cassowarys, and even Bunyips. And if these advances are denied, the Koala will get angry and try to force the victim into mating.

 

What can I do to avoid Koala Rape?

 

* Avoid wearing provoking garments.

* Avoid strong smelling perfume or cologne.

* Do not use any Eucalyptus or Shea Butter scented lotions. These smells will increase chances of Koala Rape 2 to 1.

* Avoid making eye contact with Koalas. This will form a bond with the Koala, and it will make him feel more obligated to rape you.

 

Take these pointers in stride and it will be less likely for you to be raped by a Koala.

 

 

 

This PSA was brought to you by the good people of KH13, who work hard every day to make the world a better place... a place free of the terrors of Koala Rape.

 

Uh oh

Ladies and gentlemen AUSTRALIA!

But now that you have a rudimentary grasp of what Koala Rape is... what can you do to help those who have been victimized by Koala Rape?

 

For starters, you must run the victims a hot bath, and allow them some time to wash away the shame. Take away eucalyptus scented body washes and lotions, or it is likely youll be drowned.

 

Once they have bathed, give them fresh clothes, and make them some tea. Make sure it isn't Eucalyptus tea, or you may be given third degree burns.

 

Read them a book. Making sure beforehand that the book does not mention, include, or have any illustrations of Koalas, Australia, the Zoo, bears, trees, eucalyptus, or rape. This may stir up bad memories, and you could be bludgeoned.

 

Once a book has been read to the victim, provide the victim with a pillow. Give the pillow to him/her gently, otherwise you may be smothered

 

Supply a Blanket. Make sure to offer it politely, or you could find yourself being beaten to death.

 

Allow them to sleep. If they have nightmares, do not wake them up under any circumstances. If you wake them up, there is a good chance you will be stabbed repeatedly.

 

In the morning, the victim will find him/herself revigorated and satisfied. Most of the memories of the rape will be suppressed, and life will go on normally.

 

Be sure never to expose Koalas, rape, Australia, maps, anything to do with zoos, bears, the letter K, eucalyptus, trees, fur, or the color grey to the victim ever again. Being contact with any of thise things will reawake latent memories of the Koala Rape, and the victim will, invariably, go on a murderous rampage.

 

And this is how you can help the victim! The more you know...

Koala's don't rape anything other than other Koalas.

Koala's don't rape anything other than other Koalas.

and you know this because...

Koala's don't rape anything other than other Koalas.

 

Koala's don't rape anything other than other Koalas.

A classic example of denial. Here we have a known victim of Koala Rape, insisting that the creatures only rape each other, when the rest of the world knows for a fact that these are creatures who care little about interspecies boundaries.

and you know this because...

bc 96 is a koala

bc 96 is a koala

it makes so much sense now... O_O

and you know this because...

 

I live in Australia.

I live in Australia.

 

spare me some

Edited February 10, 201312 yr by crashrobot55

A classic example of denial. Here we have a known victim of Koala Rape, insisting that the creatures only rape each other, when the rest of the world knows for a fact that these are creatures who care little about interspecies boundaries.

May I ask, where did you obtain such... concerning information?

May I ask, where did you obtain such... concerning information?

Which information? My plethora of knowledge regarding Koala Rape? Or the information that Sora96 is a victim? You really must be more forthcoming with the specifics.

Which information? My plethora of knowledge regarding Koala Rape? Or the information that Sora96 is a victim? You really must be more forthcoming with the specifics.

Your plethora of knowledge.

Your plethora of knowledge.

A masters degree in Koala Psychology, a social work degeee in the field of Koala Rape, a doctorate in the Koala Arts and also... years of experience.

As if I needed more reason to stay the firetruck away from Australia.  Anything with enough balls to try and jump cassowaries is not to be taken lightly.

Australians:

 

 

Everyone else on the site:

I bet this is pedo bear's favorite type of marsupial.