Hey guys, I just wanted to talk to you all about something that happened literally a year ago. I just wanted to talk to you about my reflection of the event, and how I am right now.

For those of you who don't know, at around September 16th last year I saw something on the internet that just wasn't okay. I won't say exactly what it is what I saw, but it was something I should never have watched. Being a huge horror and creepy story fan, I loved watching all kinds of scary YouTube videos. Top Five Urban Legends, Top Ten Scary YouTube Videos, etc. Things led into other things and I ended up watching a video that I should've have. It was a top ten video and it featured a game that would put me into a spiral of depression and fear.

The content was just not okay. I really, REALLY don't want to get into it, but it's just something that should've have been made. If you know what I'm talking about, please don't mention what it is on here please. I can't even say the name of it aloud.

Anyway, since I saw it, be became utterly obsessed with it. I was constantly researching it, trying to get to the bottom of it and finding some kind of answer to it. I never did. And the more I found out, the more I didn't. It got to the point where that's all I ever did.

Then came the panic attacks. I started experiencing severe panic attacks, some I never even knew could possibly exist. I experienced them at work while I was cashier at the time. I was out of breath, sweating, light headed, everything felt like a dream. And the scariest part- I felt like I had to kill myself. I felt like I was going to die. To give an example, whatever this is, this danger I was experiencing was a savage bear about to maul me. And I felt like I had to give myself mercy to save the pain. Luckily I never did anything, but the experience was firetrucking terrifying.

Some of you guys here on the sight have seen my episodes when this first happened. At night I would beg my friends to stay up with me at four in the morning on the phone because I was so damn terrified to go to sleep. I had to sleep with the covers covering me and music playing. I had some nightmares too, although they didn't bother me that much.

I remember just feeling so unsafe... Like there was nothing out to kill me, but I just didn't feel safe in my own home. I didn't want to go to work, I didn't want to do anything. I just layed down in silence, curled up into a little ball on the couch. My parents could definitely tell something was wrong with me, but I never told them what happened.

Anyway, I talked to my therapist about this. This led me to going on antidepressants which I am still on as well as go to other forms of treatment. I did a mental evaluation which diagnosed me with anxiety disorder (something I always had) and PTSD (from past events as well) with some possible OCD. From there I attended over the summer a outpatient program but luckily by that time I was way better than I was months prior. There my doctor believes that I have Aspergers as well.

Anyway, the antidepressants helped me SO much. Although I'm still depressed and 'stuck' in general, in reguards to what happened to me (which I dub September) I am just so, SO much better. There's still scars there, but I can sleep at night fine and honestly it's just a part of the past now.

Since then however I have been very sensitive to scary things. I avoid scary anime, videos, news, and I try to surround myself with rainbows. That is both good and bad, for it makes me ultra sensitive to anything I happen to stumble upon. As of right now though I'm actually starting to watch scary videos like I used to, although I am fearful that I will put myself it's the pit I was in a year ago. Discuss that part if you will, some believe it's best to try to expose oneself into it to heal, or avoid it at all costs. Right now I was watching a video about scary 4chan posts, although honestly I'm kinda regretting that...

Anyway, now that it's been a year, I'm much better. Currently I'm attending an intensive therapy program and I absolutely love my therapist. I'm getting so much help and honestly, what happened to my in September isn't even my focus anymore. I'm talking about my life in general and getting help for my regular problems.

Do I wish it never happened? Well, as horrible as the experience was, hoestly no. It changed me as a person in good and bad ways, but it forced me to get help that I needed in general. It led me to attending this amazing program that is truly helping me to improve my life and understanding myself. Sometimes things happen for a reason no matter how horrible... Somethings things get worse before they get better.

Anyway, I realize that there's just so much horrible stuff in the world, this worse than I can even phatom. But there's good things too. But honestly, just be careful. People are facinated by death and scary things, and if you're not too careful, it can consume you like it consumed me. It's like you're slowly digging yourself a grave that you end up falling in. There were things I saw and read from years ago that never bothered me, but after September it all came back to haunt me like a train of dominoes.

What I'm trying to say is I guess please be careful. Do whatever you want, but somethings things like that turn into poison. Maybe instead of watching that scary movie, watch a funny comedy. Not saying you can't, but sometimes a funny video of puppies and kittens playing can really make you feel good.

Anyway, a lot has happen since last year... And although it definitely left an impact, I'm okay. And it made me realize that no matter how terrible your life is, things get better. When my therapist told me I was going to heal last year when it first happened, I never believed him. But here I am, sitting with my dog near my sister watching SpongeBob and writing this post. Life is really strange, isn't it?

Hey guys, I just wanted to talk to you all about something that happened literally a year ago. I just wanted to talk to you about my reflection of the event, and how I am right now.

For those of you who don't know, at around September 16th last year I saw something on the internet that just wasn't okay. I won't say exactly what it is what I saw, but it was something I should never have watched. Being a huge horror and creepy story fan, I loved watching all kinds of scary YouTube videos. Top Five Urban Legends, Top Ten Scary YouTube Videos, etc. Things led into other things and I ended up watching a video that I should've have. It was a top ten video and it featured a game that would put me into a spiral of depression and fear.

The content was just not okay. I really, REALLY don't want to get into it, but it's just something that should've have been made. If you know what I'm talking about, please don't mention what it is on here please. I can't even say the name of it aloud.

Anyway, since I saw it, be became utterly obsessed with it. I was constantly researching it, trying to get to the bottom of it and finding some kind of answer to it. I never did. And the more I found out, the more I didn't. It got to the point where that's all I ever did.

Then came the panic attacks. I started experiencing severe panic attacks, some I never even knew could possibly exist. I experienced them at work while I was cashier at the time. I was out of breath, sweating, light headed, everything felt like a dream. And the scariest part- I felt like I had to kill myself. I felt like I was going to die. To give an example, whatever this is, this danger I was experiencing was a savage bear about to maul me. And I felt like I had to give myself mercy to save the pain. Luckily I never did anything, but the experience was firetrucking terrifying.

Some of you guys here on the sight have seen my episodes when this first happened. At night I would beg my friends to stay up with me at four in the morning on the phone because I was so damn terrified to go to sleep. I had to sleep with the covers covering me and music playing. I had some nightmares too, although they didn't bother me that much.

I remember just feeling so unsafe... Like there was nothing out to kill me, but I just didn't feel safe in my own home. I didn't want to go to work, I didn't want to do anything. I just layed down in silence, curled up into a little ball on the couch. My parents could definitely tell something was wrong with me, but I never told them what happened.

Anyway, I talked to my therapist about this. This led me to going on antidepressants which I am still on as well as go to other forms of treatment. I did a mental evaluation which diagnosed me with anxiety disorder (something I always had) and PTSD (from past events as well) with some possible OCD. From there I attended over the summer a outpatient program but luckily by that time I was way better than I was months prior. There my doctor believes that I have Aspergers as well.

Anyway, the antidepressants helped me SO much. Although I'm still depressed and 'stuck' in general, in reguards to what happened to me (which I dub September) I am just so, SO much better. There's still scars there, but I can sleep at night fine and honestly it's just a part of the past now.

Since then however I have been very sensitive to scary things. I avoid scary anime, videos, news, and I try to surround myself with rainbows. That is both good and bad, for it makes me ultra sensitive to anything I happen to stumble upon. As of right now though I'm actually starting to watch scary videos like I used to, although I am fearful that I will put myself it's the pit I was in a year ago. Discuss that part if you will, some believe it's best to try to expose oneself into it to heal, or avoid it at all costs. Right now I was watching a video about scary 4chan posts, although honestly I'm kinda regretting that...

Anyway, now that it's been a year, I'm much better. Currently I'm attending an intensive therapy program and I absolutely love my therapist. I'm getting so much help and honestly, what happened to my in September isn't even my focus anymore. I'm talking about my life in general and getting help for my regular problems.

Do I wish it never happened? Well, as horrible as the experience was, hoestly no. It changed me as a person in good and bad ways, but it forced me to get help that I needed in general. It led me to attending this amazing program that is truly helping me to improve my life and understanding myself. Sometimes things happen for a reason no matter how horrible... Somethings things get worse before they get better.

Anyway, I realize that there's just so much horrible stuff in the world, this worse than I can even phatom. But there's good things too. But honestly, just be careful. People are facinated by death and scary things, and if you're not too careful, it can consume you like it consumed me. It's like you're slowly digging yourself a grave that you end up falling in. There were things I saw and read from years ago that never bothered me, but after September it all came back to haunt me like a train of dominoes.

What I'm trying to say is I guess please be careful. Do whatever you want, but somethings things like that turn into poison. Maybe instead of watching that scary movie, watch a funny comedy. Not saying you can't, but sometimes a funny video of puppies and kittens playing can really make you feel good.

Anyway, a lot has happen since last year... And although it definitely left an impact, I'm okay. And it made me realize that no matter how terrible your life is, things get better. When my therapist told me I was going to heal last year when it first happened, I never believed him. But here I am, sitting with my dog near my sister watching SpongeBob and writing this post. Life is really strange, isn't it?

First of all, I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience with life over the past year. But like you said, it shaped you into a better human, if it didn't happen back then, it would have happened now or later on. I'm greatful for everything I've been through, I've learned from it and managed to move on. The past will never define the present. You've managed to live through all the pain and misery that the event caused you, which makes you a very strong person .

 

KH13 stands by you, .

Edited September 28, 20169 yr by Barry Bacon Allen

First of all, I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience with life over the past year. But like you said, it shaped you into a better human, if it didn't happen back then, it would have happened now or later on. I'm greatful for everything I've been through, I've learned from it and managed to move on. The past will never define the present. You've managed to live through all the pain and misery that the event caused you, which makes you a very strong person .

 

KH13 stands by you, .

Thanks. Honestly it's just so hard to believe it's been a year already... Just the concept of time in general is hard to understand. I don't really know how common it is for people to experience what I have, but at the end of the day... Some stuff is just poison I guess. I'm just happy I'm much better than before, although I still have a lot to deal with. I'm just happy I have the resources that I do now.

I never liked scary stuff, heck, just watching images of scary movies/games is enough to give me nightmares.

 

While I can't help you with this sort of thing, I'm glad you got better and hope you recover completely from whatever it is you have.

i didn't really understand that 'last year' part you are talking about but it's good to hear if you're doing fine now. i do agree with "be careful with what you're doing". don't involve yourself with the gifted and the abomination. normal person should live as normal person, they role are to be happy and to make world go round. 

i didn't really understand that 'last year' part you are talking about but it's good to hear if you're doing fine now. i do agree with "be careful with what you're doing". don't involve yourself with the gifted and the abomination. normal person should live as normal person, they role are to be happy and to make world go round.

Basically last year I saw something really frightening and it to put it blankly, traumatized me. Since then now that it's been a year I've been much better and it's in the back corners of my mind. It just made me realize that people should just be really careful with what they expose themselves to. You could be setting yourself up for dispair.

That's quite an unfortunate thing to go through, but it's great to see that you've bounced back!

Keep going, stay strong and don't lose hope. Don't give up. We are always here for you.

Geez, I had no idea. I'm glad you're okay now though. When I was super young, I saw a movie that was rated R, because my mom said it was important for my religious development. After watching that movie, sleeping being a huge chore and I was too afraid to even take a shower. I ended up picking up the habit of leaving the T.V. on while I slept, which is a habit I didn't get out of until my junior year at high school. I can watch that movie now, but it definitely took me some time to heal over it. My point is, I understand. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

I don't know what was the scary spooky spook that scared you. But keep staying strong. You got this!

 

It kinda reminds me of this one R rated movie my dad wanted me to watch. It was one of those movies belonging to this guy that is known to make plays and some of the plays are movies, and his characters are in his TV shows as well.

I'm really not a big fan of his movies, plays, and TV shows. But when I watched it, I didn't enjoy some of those parts of the movie. When watching those scenes I didn't like, it felt like my emotions came out of me and mentally attacked me. When the movie was over, I felt drained and down. But I was alright. I had ways to get my mind off of it.

Someone PM me the video OP is talking about

Someone PM me the video OP is talking about

I really don't think anyone should check it out, but if you really want to well that's up to you ^^'

If you check out the threads I made last year in September about what happened, I say the title in one of them so you should be able to find it through some simple searching in the forms. Let me know if you found it, but please don't mention it in here

I was so happy to read this thread.  It brings me a huge smile to hear that you're doing better, Aqua, and are going through life so much better!  I remember the event from September and knew there were terrible consequences from a horrific video, but I didn't know to what extent it affected you, or for how long.  I am truly sorry that such disturbing content bothered you in this manner, and I am sure you have only come back from this stronger.

 

I can totally believe that something on the Internet had the ability to shake you up.  You were already going through a rough time, and there is some downright crap on the Internet that doesn't belong there.  I won't honestly touch things that I know will scare or upset me, just because I know that I get bothered easily and won't even tempt myself with the horror.   You're braver than I am to watch horror videos, and I'm just so sorry that you had gone through so much.  I wish I had been there more for you during this.

 

Again, I am so happy for you, for your therapy, and that you're on a brighter path in life.  You have the right mindset: sometimes you have to put all seriousness aside and just watch something light, fluffy, and cheerful.  There's too much darkness and depression in the world, and who wants to surround themselves with it all the time if they don't have to?  Kudos to you for accomplishing something that many adults even still struggle with, and I wish you all the best on your road to full recovery, happiness, and joy, my friend.

Oh yeah, I remember when you were talking about that game!  Wow, it's tough that you've gone through such a harrowing ordeal!  But, thanks to God, at least you're pulling through, and that's good, ya know?  All of this you've experienced has helped you grow and become more mature, ya know, and that's good!  I'm glad you're doing better!  I hope you never have to go through such a scary ordeal again! D:

Im actually alone and after reading this Im a little concerned* about my saftey *grabs pillow*

 

Anyways, wow just wow I had no idea you went through that I feel really bad for yoy It must have felt awful i'm sorry that happened to you some things are left to be un watched because there are really spooky stuff out there but Like you said it was a good and bad thing that actually happened to you It makes you stronger and you can overcome anything! Youre strong and you already proved it by going to therapy you deserve a reward!

Edited September 29, 20169 yr by Neptune