Hey there, my name is Brittany, but all of you know me as Cricket. I've been in and out on KH13 a lot, but that is truly my own fault and for losing friendships here as well. I have a long history here and most of it is not good, in my opinion, and I am gravely sorry for my mistakes. Some of you may remember me talking about my health several months ago, well, it's not super good honestly for a 26 year old at that. I'm gonna get kinda deep here and tell my whole story of who I am and what I've been through as I haven't been really open about this to anyone, in real life or on the internet.

 

I grew up in the most poverty-stricken state in the U.S. You can't really choose/change where you are born and raised though, so I get that and I accepted it later on as I grew older. My parents were very loving to me and my older sister when I was 7 years old and younger. After I became 7 years old and the death of my grandfather in that same year, my parents began to fall apart in some ways. My grandfather owned a family business and my dad, his son, took it over and my grandmother, my grandfather's wife of said family company, tried to keep it afloat for several months afterwards. However, when you are in a rural town and the big businesses need more money and they zoom in on a smaller company and mess them over, it's not really uncommon in the type of place I grew up. Lost the family business. My dad began to become angry, distant, unloving towards me but not my sister or mom. I would walk in on my parents crying many times and I would always see and hear my dad drunk and calling me terrible names later on and also doing the same to my mom. I was 8 years old around this time and I remember just having 4 pairs of clothes when I used to have everything before our family company was robbed by money hungry people. I don't miss having everything at all, I am glad and appreciate the person I have become without all of that and it has opened my heart and eyes to many things in the world. However, I do feel pain or sadness from events that I went through to be the person I am today. I understand there are others who have experienced worse situations than I have and mine is nothing compared to theirs, but we all fight a never-ending battle for this life and we gotta make sure we are okay at the end of every single day. 

 

Whenever I began middle school in my hometown, everyone knew about my family's company being taken away and I lost my friends because they did not want to be friends with a girl "who lost everything." I literally had no friends in middle school and I tried being friends with people and even did peoples' homework, was always super friendly, always apologized for things I didn't even do. The reason I did all this? I was not accepted for who I was at home either at those young ages. My parents were fighting, my sister was smart enough to always be hanging out with her friends or be away from home or be involved in sports. So who experienced the most of this negative home life out of my sister and I? Myself. I was trying to find the right path in my life at this young age as well and I wanted to have a good life in the future and so I became just focused within my studies and school work and also befriending people online when AOL/AIM was a thing and joined an old KH site called KH2.co.uk (or was it KHU.co.uk???). Honestly, Kingdom Hearts put a little bit of light back in my life at this time, pun intended too okay! My escape was video games and nerding out to anime and manga. I lived in a stereotypical type town though so yeah, all of that made me just look 'weird.' Still love anime and etc. all to this day and proud of it and don't care I'm 26; that is who I am. Anyways, I began to get compared to my sister's smarts a lot and became her shadow and was expected to act this way, say that thing, do this, do that. Pretty stressful. I began to get bullied towards high school and was judged a lot for who knows what, I never really said anything about anyone or tried to get on anyone's bad side. I tried to keep a pretty positive outlook throughout all this, got boyfriends later on, had fun being sociable and joining theater and getting my confidence boosted and actually engaging with people and not feeling suicidal like I was anymore and also took a long break from the internet around this time. Then my grandmother became seriously ill before I graduated high school in 2010. She lived with us and my parents were not thrilled about this. My dad got into verbal fights with my grandmother and many terrible things were thrown around and my parents still struggled being kind parents at times. I had a lot of stress of doing well in school, what they expected of me, and also never really letting them know I felt unwell at times. When I tried to talk to them about it, they would change the subject or just not be supportive and think I was a burden. My dad called me a burden on my 25th birthday, so yeah not really nice to hear when you have a 103 degree fever and sick as a dog and also been experience the worst pain you think you could ever feel, because at that time, I didn't know it was leading up to a huge problem with my health overall.

 

My thyroid decided to become bad and I got on medicine for that, but still had this terrible pain and went through 3 surgeries and 3 years of misdiagnoses until this July and found out I have a problem with my hip sockets and joints and my cartilage/joints may be breaking down due to a necrosis of some sort. I get my first hip surgery in December for my right hip and then I'm gonna push through everything, graduate from college in May of 2018 and get a good job and then get my other hip done later on. Also, what has me a bit distraught is that now my shoulders are mimicking the beginning stages of how my hips felt. Not sure what has caused this and doctors are not sure either, maybe it was congenital, ran in the family, maybe my thyroid. Idk, but at least I'm getting it tended to now and am glad the 3 years of pain, depression, misdiagnoses, my parents not believing in their own daughter, being a disappointment, burden, etc. is all now over and I'm getting my degree in May. I am still depressed and it still does bottle up because of the emotional turmoil I went through and I talked with my mom tonight because she is my mom and sometimes we want to confide in our parents about our problems. I try to not talk to her about it, but I'm still so new when it comes to dealing with my health stuff and you gotta vent, but she does not support or understand me at all and it beats me down every time and I just do not get the love I am supposed to from my family and it's just really sad. 

 

So there is my story, there are many things I have left out, because there are darker things that happened, but I apologize for my behavior in the past and am just trying to live and bounce back from this negativity that consumed most of my life. I love Kingdom Hearts and this community, but my own destruction ruined some of the positives here because I was just so overcome with sadness from outside forces: family, health, etc. 

 

Thanks for reading.

Oh wow.. your story made me cried. I had no idea you have health issues nor I know of your family problems. I know how you feel, it must be hard living in a house filled with negativity, being called a burden, not getting the love you deserve and with no one who understands you. No one should go though that, no one.

 

You're family may not support you, but all of us in kh13 will try to give you support. I never realized your behavior before, but I'm sure everyone who did will forgive you.

 

Just hang in there Cricket! Be healthy and be happy.

I'm very, very sorry about what happened in your past, Cricket...You didn't deserve any of this pain.

In all honesty, your behavior was very normal for the situations you were in. When someone doesn't get the love they expected from their parents, it can really influence their social behaviors. Thankfully, however, your reaction to your parents' unloving attitude towards you was handled a lot better than those with a sheer revenge mindset. You may have body pain, but you are truly a strong soul, Cricket.

And you know, I remember when you wrote that status saying that you thought nobody cared about you at all, and that kind of hurt me...But I knew that you must've been going through some rough times with, what was it, cancer? Regardless, you were going through some rough times, and I really wanted to help, but, you didn't want to talk to me anymore, and I had to respect your decision.

Thankfully now though, maybe we can talk again, Cricket. Please know now that there are still people out there who care about you, even when it seems as if you are alone in many things. Until then, I wish you the best of luck in your final year in college!

 

 

Rock on!

Oh wow.. your story made me cried. I had no idea you have health issues nor I know of your family problems. I know how you feel, it must be hard living in a house filled with negativity, being called a burden, not getting the love you deserve and with no one who understands you. No one should go though that, no one.

 

You're family may not support you, but all of us in kh13 will try to give you support. I never realized your behavior before, but I'm sure everyone who did will forgive you.

 

Just hang in there Cricket! Be healthy and be happy.

 

Thank you so much for the positive words and reply. I'll definitely hang in there and know things will get better.

 

 

Tried to quote you Veemon:

I'm very, very sorry about what happened in your past, Cricket...You didn't deserve any of this pain.   

In all honesty, your behavior was very normal for the situations you were in. When someone doesn't get the love they expected from their parents, it can really influence their social behaviors. Thankfully, however, your reaction to your parents' unloving attitude towards you was handled a lot better than those with a sheer revenge mindset. You may have body pain, but you are truly a strong soul, Cricket. 

And you know, I remember when you wrote that status saying that you thought nobody cared about you at all, and that kind of hurt me...But I knew that you must've been going through some rough times with, what was it, cancer? Regardless, you were going through some rough times, and I really wanted to help, but, you didn't want to talk to me anymore, and I had to respect your decision. 

Thankfully now though, maybe we can talk again, Cricket.   Please know now that there are still people out there who care about you, even when it seems as if you are alone in many things. Until then, I wish you the best of luck in your final year in college!

 

 

Rock on!

 

 

 

Really appreciate your kindness and thank you for being understanding throughout all this. I love my family and I may seem like I am harsh on people and do not care, but I honestly really love people despite my attitude online or in real life. I have just been hurt repeatedly over and over. I never wish revenge on anyone. They thought it was cancer at one point with how frail I got and other symptoms that caused red flags and the overall inflammation in my tissues, and more. All I know is, my cartilage and tissues are breaking down and trying to break down in certain areas and it's caused a deformity in some of my joints and its speeding up the tearing process of my cartilages and the breaking down. I'll definitely take up your offer on talking again. And thank you for the wishes for my final year of college.

Edited October 18, 20178 yr by Cricket

Well...

 

Do you really have to be sorry for the mistakes you did here, because of real life events?

 

If you had to go away from this website because of the issues you've explained on this thread, then you really don't have to satisfy someone's expectations here

(At least that's the way I see it)

 

I respect the willpower you have that let you go through all of that, but all I'm saying is you don't really need to be sorry to everyone. If there are people you still talk to here, then sure, talk with them. If people you wanted to talk to don't show up here anymore, then maybe other social medias might work.

 

Good luck with the surgery and graduation!

Any parent who calls their child a burden doesn't deserve to be a parent. And I don't know why you're apologizing for things that you had no control over. You don't deserve this...

I'm sorry all of that happened to you. I definitely know what it's like to be in middle school with no friends, and to have throyid problems (although not as bad as yours). Hang in there and know that we are all rooting for you.

Cricket,

You've been dealt a terrible hand, but you're doing incredibly well. The fact that you're here today shows that you can overcome all of this and succeed.

To the "person" who said that you're a burden, I hope they eat their words someday. That's such a despicable thing to say, let alone for anyone masquerading as a parental figure.

As far as I can tell, you owe no one here any apology. You've got a lot of muck to dredge through.

I know we've never really talked much recently, but if you would like someone to talk to, i'm all ears. You've helped me in the past and I would be honored to return the favor.

Forget i said anything before i edited, i didn't read your whole story through before but now i have and still, i believe that you have got to be strong Cricket for there is hope in life and its all about an individual's will to carry on in life to find that said hope and pun more or less intended hopefully you will find something and/or someone in life that will help you and make you realize how important you are to the world, even if your own parents do not realize it, there is most definitely someone out there who does realize what you are going through and will tell you you are not a burden, the real burden is the one who calls you yourself a burden, know what i mean? causing unhappiness for everyone, its just not right, there's nothing for him to gain out of it and you just end up feeling sad because he called you something me and many others here who both know you and don't know you know that you are not, you are you, you are your very own person, no more, no less, how can anyone be a burden if they are just trying to live life itself? take the sadness Cricket and use it to make you stronger for when you finish college, that's when your life truly begins, a whole new beginning, your "Birth by Sleep", i hope that i helped cheer you up if only a little bit and if i have upset you, please reply so that i can apologize.

Edited October 19, 20178 yr by Iamkingdomhearts1000

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such an ordeal.  And, while I don't know you (I haven't even seen you on this site before), but I do wish you the best of luck!  I can't think of anything else to say, so sorry.

 

And KH13 has very many kind, understanding members here!  Trust me, I know; I had a terrible thing happen to me and my family last year, and there were so many people here that gave their support during that time.  So, don't feel hesitant about reaching out to someone here, okay?

Well...

 

Do you really have to be sorry for the mistakes you did here, because of real life events?

 

If you had to go away from this website because of the issues you've explained on this thread, then you really don't have to satisfy someone's expectations here

(At least that's the way I see it)

 

I respect the willpower you have that let you go through all of that, but all I'm saying is you don't really need to be sorry to everyone. If there are people you still talk to here, then sure, talk with them. If people you wanted to talk to don't show up here anymore, then maybe other social medias might work.

 

Good luck with the surgery and graduation!

 

Thank you Weedanort!

 

Well, I believe I could have handled my reactions to some members on here in a better light in the past even though I was going through rough times then too. I think overall I let down myself in the past here, because I didn't want to come across being harsh or moreso. I did kind of give up in some friendships and regrettably put blame on people who had no connections with the stuff I dealt with in real life on here or became angered over small things. My behavior just wasn't a great thing to follow then and so in that regard, I am meaning to whomever it all affected and who all I hurt then. And thanks, I have already messaged some people and also got some messages and it's really heartwarming.  

 

Thanks for the wishes for my surgery and my graduation btw!

Hey Cricket!

 

We probably never talked if I remember right but I was probably around the time you left, I came across this by chance when I was going through my 13k+ notifications. 

 

I think it's very brave of you to work towards bettering your life, graduation and all. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that but I'm glad you stayed strong throughout! All the very best for your surgery and graduation, I'm sure you'll ace through both of it. Take care of yourself, a lot of us care for you and are proud of you!