...I am beginning to hate people. Not anyone in particular, but just the people around me. I am tired of attempting to be civil and trust people, only to be hurt. I wonder if it's truly worth it, if people can be so oblivious to the pain they cause? Just by simple actions, small words they don't think twice about saying. Then they get mad at you, for something they've done, covering it up with "Oh, grow up, it was just a joke! You know that!"
But it wasn't.
And I don't.
I'm tired of feeling bad, feeling guilty, for thinking like this. Tired of them making me feel bad, tired of feeling bad because of how I think of them when I'm alone crying, tired of having these thoughts at all. I feel bad for them for making me feel like this! I take their words to heart and think I am nothing! That I'm a failure! Everything I can do just isn't good enough. It doesn't make them proud. I'm an artist, not a damn doctor or anything else 'important'!
I'm sorry I'm ranting, but I had to say this to someone, even if I don't know most of you. Because that's just it: I don't have to worry about what you'll say, how you'll react. Not like if I told my mother, asked her for help. I want help, more than anything. I'm too afraid to ask...
...I am beginning to hate people. Not anyone in particular, but just the people around me. I am tired of attempting to be civil and trust people, only to be hurt. I wonder if it's truly worth it, if people can be so oblivious to the pain they cause? Just by simple actions, small words they don't think twice about saying. Then they get mad at you, for something they've done, covering it up with "Oh, grow up, it was just a joke! You know that!"
But it wasn't.
And I don't.
I'm tired of feeling bad, feeling guilty, for thinking like this. Tired of them making me feel bad, tired of feeling bad because of how I think of them when I'm alone crying, tired of having these thoughts at all. I feel bad for them for making me feel like this! I take their words to heart and think I am nothing! That I'm a failure! Everything I can do just isn't good enough. It doesn't make them proud. I'm an artist, not a damn doctor or anything else 'important'!
I'm sorry I'm ranting, but I had to say this to someone, even if I don't know most of you. Because that's just it: I don't have to worry about what you'll say, how you'll react. Not like if I told my mother, asked her for help. I want help, more than anything. I'm too afraid to ask...