Today, a serious question, I must ask. Please no jokes, this is important. 

 

In my school there's this girl who has little to no friends. She gets bullied a lot, and is really messed up. Not trying to be rude here, just honest. She's extremely repulsive in the way she looks, and dresses. She's got a very defensive, emotional, and rude attitude. People always degrade her by calling her names, and belittling her. I can see how this takes a tole on her, as she often cries.

 

She always gets into pointless fights outside, and inside of school. In my literature class she often shares her personal stories. They consist of one of four things and these four alone: death, destruction, abuse, and hopelessness. She talks about how she uses Ouji Boards, and about her dark thoughts.

 

Every single day she tries to leave the classes I have with her ( 3 ) to go to the school nurse. Every single day I see more and more bruises, scabs, etc on her legs, and arms. She never wears short shorts, skirts, or T-shirts. Always pants and sleeves. And we're in Florida where our winter consists of 70-80 frickin' degrees. These bruises are individual, small, horrendous looking all over her legs and arms.

 

She misses about a week of school every month. I'm a soft hearted dude, and I really want to help her. The problem is, I often times don't know the entire situation, and I'm known to getting into rash situations. To even make matters worse, my friends always say that if I did, it would only look like I'm interested in her. I guess you could say I hang out with the more popular guys, and they wouldn't be caught dead near her.

 

What should I do? Try to help her, what? My conscience haunts me.....

If you really do care about the girl, and not in an affectionate way, then it's completely fine to help her. You'd put your 'popularity' on the line, but for the right reasons. The only way to really know her full story is by asking her and the ones that bully her to tell you why they do such things. Then, you can decide for yourself what parts are the truth and go by there.

 

But I personally think, if she's being bullied, her behavior is the result of it. Maybe it isn't even the kids, maybe something is going on at home. You'll never know what is really going on until you get to know the person. I advise first talking to her and getting to know her, if she's harmless. If you've left any details out, please mention them, because I don't want you prying in too deeply into something that could be dangerous.Regardless, it's ultimately up to you, but if your conscience is haunting you, then you're a good person. Now are you gonna make the right choice or the easy choice?

Edited January 17, 201510 yr by Sky Heart

Wow, that is some extreme stuff.  Well, the best advice I can offer is this.  If you want to help her, then do so.  Believe me, being bullied sucks, and I remembered that I'd suffer very hard times back in my elementary school days.  Being bullied can get a person into depression, so I can relate to this girl.  She seems to have a very depressing past, and it seems that the reason why she acts the way she does is because she feels lonely.  Do as you wish, but you should try to help her by giving her advice.  You shouldn't care what other people think about you.  If your heart is telling you to help this girl out, then do so.  You'll feel good by doing so, trust me.

If you really do care about the girl, and not in an affectionate way, then it's completely fine to help her. You'd put your 'popularity' on the line, but for the right reasons. The only way to really know her full story is by asking her and the ones that bully her to tell you why they do such things. Then, you can decide for yourself what parts are the truth and go by there.

 

But I personally think, if she's being bullied, her behavior is the result of it. Maybe it isn't even the kids, maybe something is going on at home. You'll never know what is really going on until you get to know the person. I advise first talking to her and getting to know her, if she's harmless. If you've left any details out, please mention them, because I don't want you prying in too deeply into something that could be dangerous.Regardless, it's ultimately up to you, but if your conscience is haunting you, then you're a good person. Now are you gonna make the right choice or the easy choice?

I don't hardly know her. All I know is what she says, what the principles say, etc. She's died her hair blue with food coloring, she's been in-and-out with coma's for years now. Just recently got out of a coma that lasted 7 days. In school, boys and girls alike are so judgmental. They make fun of her as she walks by and are encouraged by there flock. I reside in that flock, but I do nothing. When I try to convince them to stop, they look at me like I'm crazy.

 

She's gagged in the bathroom, making herself throw up to leave school. I am, and never was rude to her. Neither are my closest friends. But none of us actually help her. I'm a guy who if he misses out on the opportunity to help someone, than I feel shamed for it. I really feel like bad things will stir up if I remain a bystander. I know for a fact I'll be persecuted and ridiculed for stepping in. Another thing is, I don't want to jump in on my high horse and not know what's going on, and be completely wrong about the situation and look stupid.

 

How do I approach this without taking  heat? If such a thing is possible? How do I do this right?

Help. Plain and simple. If that's how she is then that's how she is and that's all there is to it. But if by the chance she's hurting and needs someone and you could be that person then be that person.Don't let ego and appearences stop you from doing what is right.

I don't hardly know her. All I know is what she says, what the principles say, etc. She's died her hair blue with food coloring, she's been in-and-out with coma's for years now. Just recently got out of a coma that lasted 7 days. In school, boys and girls alike are so judgmental. They make fun of her as she walks by and are encouraged by there flock. I reside in that flock, but I do nothing. When I try to convince them to stop, they look at me like I'm crazy.

 

She's gagged in the bathroom, making herself throw up to leave school. I am, and never was rude to her. Neither are my closest friends. But none of us actually help her. I'm a guy who if he misses out on the opportunity to help someone, than I feel shamed for it. I really feel like bad things will stir up if I remain a bystander. I know for a fact I'll be persecuted and ridiculed for stepping in. Another thing is, I don't want to jump in on my high horse and not know what's going on, and be completely wrong about the situation and look stupid.

 

How do I approach this without taking  heat? If such a thing is possible? How do I do this right?

Teachers. Parents. Adults. Approach those people also.If you really do not want take heat, social media helps out a lot. People of the internet may have trolls, but you see so many cases of progressiveness from the internet. Make your case known on the internet. And not just here, I mean in a bigger platform. Tell everyone she's being bullied.But truth be told, no matter what you do, you're gonna have to take a side. If you want to do the right thing, then the side you pick should be clear. Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's the mastery of it. I can't pretend to know how much ridicule and torment you'll go through, but if your friends are real friends they'll join you. Those that mind, don't matter and those that matter, won't mind.And now, Kingdom Hearts spiel. Friendship is power. It might be cheesy, but it's true. There's power in numbers and if she has other people standing by her, it makes it easier to go through life. 

Edited January 17, 201510 yr by Sky Heart

Teachers. Parents. Adults. Approach those people also.If you really do not want take heat, social media helps out a lot. People of the internet may have trolls, but you see so many cases of progressiveness from the internet. Make your case known on the internet. And not just here, I mean in a bigger platform. Tell everyone she's being bullied.But truth be told, no matter what you do, you're gonna have to take a side. If you want to do the right thing, then the side you pick should be clear. Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's the mastery of it. I can't pretend to know how much ridicule and torment you'll go through, but if your friends are real friends they'll join you. Those that mind, don't matter and those that matter, won't mind.And now, Kingdom Hearts spiel. Friendship is power. It might be cheesy, but it's true. There's power in numbers and if she has other people standing by her, it makes it easier to go through life. 

That is very, very true. But, do you think, from what you've heard, some intervention is required based on this situation?

Listen to what the others are saying. their advice is very good. Also, because of her looks she might not have much friends. Try just saying hello every once in a while. The power behind one hello is amazing. Try being a friend. By saying hello someone could save a life or make a new friend.

I agree with the others are saying in your post. So, I say help her out. I honestly hate seeing others being bullied. 

It's sweet you want to reach out to her (people looking out for someone? Whoda thunk it?), and you can certainly try to if you feel that's what's best, but it sounds like this girl has some serious issues you'd be involving yourself in. On one hand, it really does sound like she needs an ally. On the other hand, you can't tell how much of her problem is self-inflicted, or what's going on in her home... she could have depression or something else. If she's unpleasant and defensive, it could be a coping mechanism. Then again, being completely alone might just make whatever she's going on with herself worse, and having a buddy might make her, well, less messed up.

 

But as someone who was that girl (well, minus the bruises, missing school, and ouija boards), there's also a chance she might not want to be helped. Maybe she thinks she's fine and it's everyone else who has the problem -- getting constantly bullied could put you into that mindset (take it from me). Or maybe she's so messed up she pushes others away by instinct, and her attitude makes her an easy target. You can't really tell.

 

The  most I can say is, if you really want to help her, to let her know you'll lend her an ear if she needs it. That way she can come to you if she wants to -- if you impose help she might take it the wrong way. You are doing this out of pity, I take it. Just be prepared for what you might be getting into by helping her. You could either be a friend she needs, or she'll ignore you, or she'll drag you down with her.

It's sweet you want to reach out to her (people looking out for someone? Whoda thunk it?), and you can certainly try to if you feel that's what's best, but it sounds like this girl has some serious issues you'd be involving yourself in. On one hand, it really does sound like she needs an ally. On the other hand, you can't tell how much of her problem is self-inflicted, or what's going on in her home... she could have depression or something else. If she's unpleasant and defensive, it could be a coping mechanism. Then again, being completely alone might just make whatever she's going on with herself worse, and having a buddy might make her, well, less messed up.

 

But as someone who was that girl (well, minus the bruises, missing school, and ouija boards), there's also a chance she might not want to be helped. Maybe she thinks she's fine and it's everyone else who has the problem -- getting constantly bullied could put you into that mindset (take it from me). Or maybe she's so messed up she pushes others away by instinct, and her attitude makes her an easy target. You can't really tell.

 

The  most I can say is, if you really want to help her, to let her know you'll lend her an ear if she needs it. That way she can come to you if she wants to -- if you impose help she might take it the wrong way. You are doing this out of pity, I take it. Just be prepared for what you might be getting into by helping her. You could either be a friend she needs, or she'll ignore you, or she'll drag you down with her.

More great advice! I don't know what it is, but if I see a chance to help someone and I don't, my conscience haunts me. If I see a kid I don't even know crying, I feel like I simply have to stick my head in and try to help. Or if two people are going at it, I feel like it's my responsibility to help settle the dispute. My friends say it's not my place and often sway me to be a simple bystander. Sometimes I wish I could be like them and simply ignore it.

 

Also, coming from your perspective, how might I approach her? Just walk up to her, and talk? Intervene next time she's in conflict, what?

(*Note: The following answer is based solely on what you've shared.*)First, I'm sorry to read about all of this and what she must be going through. She will be in my thoughts and prayers for sure.Secondly, you SHOULD feel ashamed for not helping this girl. Something is obviously going on with her, and both the people making fun of her and those standing by letting it happen are equally guilty. No matter how bad you feel about this situation, it is likely only a fraction of how much pain she is in (both physically and emotionally). You are a step above the rest though, since you recognize the wrong and feel guilt. This is good! Use this feeling to motivate you to take action!

 

Teachers. Parents. Adults. Approach those people also.

I cannot endorse this suggestion from Sky Heart enough! Just because your peers won't help you does not mean you are alone.However you decide to approach the situation, I only have two pieces of advice from my own past experiences:A) Keep it small scale. If you talk to her, do it in private. If you go looking for support, don't go crying to everything that moves. Things get accomplished in these situations when they are contained. No need to make everything public that might hurt you, or more importantly her.B) Keep an open mind. Don't go into this thinking you know what is going on with her, or how this problem will resolve itself. Be open to any scenario that might be presented and any path that it might go down.Everyone in the forum wishes only success for you, so feel free to be inspired by any and all post (there is no one way to go about this!). Good luck friend!"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." ~Edmund BurkePS - Out of curiosity, what grade is she in?PSS - Stay away from Ouija boards everyone. I don't care if you believe that they work or not, what possible good can come from it?Peace!

More great advice! I don't know what it is, but if I see a chance to help someone and I don't, my conscience haunts me. If I see a kid I don't even know crying, I feel like I simply have to stick my head in and try to help. Or if two people are going at it, I feel like it's my responsibility to help settle the dispute. My friends say it's not my place and often sway me to be a simple bystander. Sometimes I wish I could be like them and simply ignore it.

 

Also, coming from your perspective, how might I approach her? Just walk up to her, and talk? Intervene next time she's in conflict, what?

 

Wanting to stick your neck out for people is a good trait to have. It shows empathy and awareness. However, your friends do have a point when they say it's not your responsibility to intervene. Sometimes it's none of your business, and the people question might not necessarily want you to get involved. It's sort of an icky line to draw, whether to do a moral duty and help, or to be a bystander. It's probably a case-by-case basis.

 

As for how to approach her, I'm not completely sure. I'm not much of an expert in consoling death-obsessed people who may or may not have some serious issues under the hood. The safer approach might be to intervene next time she's getting bullied. It might be awkward to just walk up to her unprompted. Unless you have legitimate common interests, however slim they may be, she might catch onto how you're only approaching her because you feel sorry for her. Not that that's inherently a bad thing, but not everyone wants to be pitied. But intervening when they're giving her crap might score you a brownie point or two with her.

(*Note: The following answer is based solely on what you've shared.*)First, I'm sorry to read about all of this and what she must be going through. She will be in my thoughts and prayers for sure.Secondly, you SHOULD feel ashamed for not helping this girl. Something is obviously going on with her, and both the people making fun of her and those standing by letting it happen are equally guilty. No matter how bad you feel about this situation, it is likely only a fraction of how much pain she is in (both physically and emotionally). You are a step above the rest though, since you recognize the wrong and feel guilt. This is good! Use this feeling to motivate you to take action!

 

I cannot endorse this suggestion from Sky Heart enough! Just because your peers won't help you does not mean you are alone.However you decide to approach the situation, I only have two pieces of advice from my own past experiences:A) Keep it small scale. If you talk to her, do it in private. If you go looking for support, don't go crying to everything that moves. Things get accomplished in these situations when they are contained. No need to make everything public that might hurt you, or more importantly her.B) Keep an open mind. Don't go into this thinking you know what is going on with her, or how this problem will resolve itself. Be open to any scenario that might be presented and any path that it might go down.Everyone in the forum wishes only success for you, so feel free to be inspired by any and all post (there is no one way to go about this!). Good luck friend!"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." ~Edmund BurkePS - Out of curiosity, what grade is she in?PSS - Stay away from Ouija boards everyone. I don't care if you believe that they work or not, what possible good can come from it?Peace!

She is in the 10th grade, as am I. And I completely agree!

Gonna keep this short and sweet...Which pain would you rather endure?

 

1. You attempt to help her, and possibly fail?

 

2. Something bad happens to her.....and you're slowly devoured by the guilt of knowing you did nothing?

 

At least with option one, you can sleep well at night knowing you did your best as a human being. And who cares what it looks like to other people? Does the shallow opinion of many, out-weigh the needs of a hurting soul? Years from now, she may look back on her school days with disgust.... But then she'll remember your kindness.....and smile.

Short reply [i'll give a more elaborate one soon]

 

Either talk with her directly and voice your concern, or bring it up with the nurse, counselor, and school officer and see what they can do. If you bring up your observations, school officials might be able to open an investigation into her and see what's happening with her. It doesn't hurt to be safe.

That is very, very true. But, do you think, from what you've heard, some intervention is required based on this situation?

Oh, I didn't notice you responded to me. Yes, I believe some sort intervention would be necessary pertaining to this situation. Bullying is a serious cause of suicide. No one should be taking their life away because of something so stupid as a bunch of kids tormenting them. We live in the 21st century and we should all be more accepting of others.

Well there's not much I can say really, everyone else already told what could be said

 

In my personal opinion, help her. Who knows, maybe you can get a friend for life!

Popularity is fleeting. High school is short, so you shouldn't concentrate on what your peers think of you for helping this girl out, since they probably won't even remember you a few years from now. What really matters is making sure this girl is okay and safe. Try helping her in any way you can, get aid from adults, be her friend, save her from the bullies, anything. Even if she may not want to talk to you, at least let her know that you're there for her. Because people in this state of mind usually think no one's there for them, and no one would listen to them. But if they know that at least one person is there for them, it could save them from going over the edge. Just my opinion. 

Well, first of all, congratulations for wanting to help her (there are so many selfish people nowadays, good to know you're an exception!)

 

Second, although reckless acts usually do not give the nicest results, some times they are the best course of action someone can take to prevent further damage. 

 

Third, be prepared for what she has to tell you -- it can be ANYTHING (seriously). Maybe her father is a bad guy and punches her or something, maybe someone of her family is involved in drugs, maybe she is in depression and can't get out of it only with the help of medicine... I don't want to scare you, but you must realize that there may be countless possibilities explanations for her behavior. 

 

You have to take the third thing into account -- are you ready to help someone involved in such situations? You have to ask yourself that. As of her health, it seems like she could die any day. Think. Think again. Have reflections. But don't spend too much time thinking -- she could not be on your class tomorrow and you will have the remorse of not lifting a finger to help her (even though you had the best intentions)

 

Last, as already mentioned in other posts, go to an adult -- probably someone in charge of talking to students about general life (grades, choices, etc.) They will be of great help. They can call her family and find more if the girl herself doesn't want to reveal much of her conditions.

 

Good luck! I'll be praying for you and for her!

Edited January 25, 201510 yr by Lu Xun

Try talking to a teacher and say that you are concerned about her.  This could be something serious and an adult would e able to find the kind of help she needs.