3-Seriously, who describes turning on a computer as "such a pain"
4-They couldn't think of character traits for Seifer's lackeys so they just talk in dumb ways
5-Drawing fire magic
6-Drawing blizzard magic
7-Drawing thunder magic
8-Drawing cure magic
9-Drawing esuna magic
10-Drawing meltdown magic
11-Drawing Double magic
12-I could go on
13-DRAWING ULTIMA MAGIC
14-SERIOUSLY HAVE YOU TRIED GETTING ULTIMA IN A TIMELY MANNER? IT'S NOT POSSIBLE
15-Plot takes a back seat to the romance
16-The romance sucks
17-Squall and Rinoa have zero chemistry
18-Rinoa is a shit character
19-People complain about FF13 having important plot points in the datalog, this game has important plot points that just aren't in the game
20-That or you missed the plot point because the window for accessing that cutscene is ridiculously small (fisherman's horizon)
21-Squall's character development isn't to grow to love his friends, but to hate them less
22-This is probably because all of his friends are as unlikable as him
23-Even Irvine
24-How do you make a theoretically cool character like him so lame
25-The only defining characteristic for each party member is their limit break, their stats are irrelevant and they have no abilities
26-How did Squall survive getting stabbed by an icicle
27-seifer is played up as a huge badass yet manages to be more pathetic than basically any other enemy
28-They try to make him seem cool by having him cut Odin in half but it doesn't change the fact that all he's good for is farming invicibility items and the aura spell
29-Want to make an enemy to see extra pathetic? make him so weak you draw out his battle just to farm 100 of a spell so you can spam limit breaks on something that actually poses some threat
30-Not that much will pose a threat to you in this game if you grind fro spells
31-Though if you don't grind spells the game becomes way too hard
32-The game also actively punishes NORMAL grinding by making leveling up useless while simultaneously making enemies harder
33-Squall's "badass" scar is literally just a training accident
34-Need money? Hope you ike running around in circles
35-Draw point empty? Hope you like running around in circle
36-Squall's gunblade trigger is easy enough to use to be pointless, yet increases damage enough that you can't just ignore it
37-No other characters have something like Squall's action command
38-There's literally only one action command. This game is being beaten out by Super Mario RPG for the SNES
39-You need a guide to play this game
40-Want to cut down on grindng magic? Hope you like grinding cards
41-Seriously, have fun getting rid of the RANDOM ruleset
42-Heck, just have fun with the Queen of Cards quest as a whole
43-This begins the trend of Final Fantasy games having overly long animations for every attack, spell, summon and whatever, never mind super long battle transitions making random encounters more of a pain than ever before
44-In fact, this game manages to make talking to some NPCs a pain since talking to them triggers long animations you can't even really see because the resolution is so small
45-The whole SeeD thing is one of the most arbitrary fanservicey version oft he child soldier self insert, literally only allowing teenagers to be members of the super magic combat school
46-In fact, super magic combat school, that in itself is so silly. The schools of this world are focused on created super educated and strong mercenaries
47-What's that, you thought Ultemecia would be in this game in any significant way?
48-One scene in particular needs special attention. The part where Squall jumps into space so he could "be with" Rinoa. This is ridiculously stupidity masquerading as "romance". Being in love isn't about literally trying to make sure you kill yourself when someone is in danger. It's so contrived it hurts
49-The random alien space ship thing that comes after that is also dumb
50-Have fun keeping track of all the Laguna/future/present stuff
51-How does Laguna become the president of a super advanced city
52-the orphanage
53-Guns can't deal as much damage as swords
54-Hope you know what abilities you should be grinding form your GFs
55-Hope you know when to se the magic lamp so it Diablos won't kill you, but not too late so you can get his encounter limiting moves to keep your level low
56-Any weapons besides Squalls are a complete waste of time
57-The villain's goals are so far removed from one another that if you were to compare the beginning and end of the game you'd find no logical connection
58-That's because there is no logical connection
59-Despite magic being a limited resource, most of it is completely useless
60-Even though using magic also lowers your stats. So you'd think there'd be a bigger incentive to use it. But no.
61-The fact that a blade that is also a gun is not used as a projectile/melee hybrid, but to make your sword explode when you hit someone
62-Renting a car
63-In the time it took for me to do the grinding necessary to set up the card game and get the right cards, GF abilities and a good stock of magic, I made it to Junon in FF7, and nearly beat disk 1 of FF9
64-You can't name your party members
65-Seifer's reasons for joining the bad guys are flimsy and not really touche don that much
66-I know I already touched on this, but Squall's sheer unlikability as well as status as most boring FF protagonist since the Warrior of Light in FF1 bears repeating
67-Seriously, you know you've done something horribly wrong when the Kingdom Hearts version of your character is an improvement
68-I know this isn't the game's fault, but have you seen the fan theories for this game?
69-Actually I guess it is the game's fault since people HAD to wrote awful fanfiction about ti just to justify the plot
70-Time Kompression
71-Time Compression
72-the monsters are from THE MOOOON
73-How is Griever relevant? What's that? It's not?
74-Oh wait, I'm sorry, it's symbolic of how Squall likes Lions a lot
75-Squall liking lions a lot gives the final boss ultimate power
76-I'll be "waiting" for you
77-Everybody LOVE AND PEACE
78-it's not ff9
79-it's not ff7
80-it's not ff6
81-it's not crystal chronicles
82-it's not mystic quest
83-it's not bravely default
84-it's not ff5
85-it's not all the bravest
86-it's not crisis core
87-it's not the after years
88-the ending
and that's why objectively and factually FFVIII is the worst video game ever made
possibly the worst thing to ever happen, who knows
The long awaited sequel
1-Squall might be the dumbest FF name
2-All the dialog choices are emo as hell
3-Seriously, who describes turning on a computer as "such a pain"
4-They couldn't think of character traits for Seifer's lackeys so they just talk in dumb ways
5-Drawing fire magic
6-Drawing blizzard magic
7-Drawing thunder magic
8-Drawing cure magic
9-Drawing esuna magic
10-Drawing meltdown magic
11-Drawing Double magic
12-I could go on
13-DRAWING ULTIMA MAGIC
14-SERIOUSLY HAVE YOU TRIED GETTING ULTIMA IN A TIMELY MANNER? IT'S NOT POSSIBLE
15-Plot takes a back seat to the romance
16-The romance sucks
17-Squall and Rinoa have zero chemistry
18-Rinoa is a shit character
19-People complain about FF13 having important plot points in the datalog, this game has important plot points that just aren't in the game
20-That or you missed the plot point because the window for accessing that cutscene is ridiculously small (fisherman's horizon)
21-Squall's character development isn't to grow to love his friends, but to hate them less
22-This is probably because all of his friends are as unlikable as him
23-Even Irvine
24-How do you make a theoretically cool character like him so lame
25-The only defining characteristic for each party member is their limit break, their stats are irrelevant and they have no abilities
26-How did Squall survive getting stabbed by an icicle
27-seifer is played up as a huge badass yet manages to be more pathetic than basically any other enemy
28-They try to make him seem cool by having him cut Odin in half but it doesn't change the fact that all he's good for is farming invicibility items and the aura spell
29-Want to make an enemy to see extra pathetic? make him so weak you draw out his battle just to farm 100 of a spell so you can spam limit breaks on something that actually poses some threat
30-Not that much will pose a threat to you in this game if you grind fro spells
31-Though if you don't grind spells the game becomes way too hard
32-The game also actively punishes NORMAL grinding by making leveling up useless while simultaneously making enemies harder
33-Squall's "badass" scar is literally just a training accident
34-Need money? Hope you ike running around in circles
35-Draw point empty? Hope you like running around in circle
36-Squall's gunblade trigger is easy enough to use to be pointless, yet increases damage enough that you can't just ignore it
37-No other characters have something like Squall's action command
38-There's literally only one action command. This game is being beaten out by Super Mario RPG for the SNES
39-You need a guide to play this game
40-Want to cut down on grindng magic? Hope you like grinding cards
41-Seriously, have fun getting rid of the RANDOM ruleset
42-Heck, just have fun with the Queen of Cards quest as a whole
43-This begins the trend of Final Fantasy games having overly long animations for every attack, spell, summon and whatever, never mind super long battle transitions making random encounters more of a pain than ever before
44-In fact, this game manages to make talking to some NPCs a pain since talking to them triggers long animations you can't even really see because the resolution is so small
45-The whole SeeD thing is one of the most arbitrary fanservicey version oft he child soldier self insert, literally only allowing teenagers to be members of the super magic combat school
46-In fact, super magic combat school, that in itself is so silly. The schools of this world are focused on created super educated and strong mercenaries
47-What's that, you thought Ultemecia would be in this game in any significant way?
48-One scene in particular needs special attention. The part where Squall jumps into space so he could "be with" Rinoa. This is ridiculously stupidity masquerading as "romance". Being in love isn't about literally trying to make sure you kill yourself when someone is in danger. It's so contrived it hurts
49-The random alien space ship thing that comes after that is also dumb
50-Have fun keeping track of all the Laguna/future/present stuff
51-How does Laguna become the president of a super advanced city
52-the orphanage
53-Guns can't deal as much damage as swords
54-Hope you know what abilities you should be grinding form your GFs
55-Hope you know when to se the magic lamp so it Diablos won't kill you, but not too late so you can get his encounter limiting moves to keep your level low
56-Any weapons besides Squalls are a complete waste of time
57-The villain's goals are so far removed from one another that if you were to compare the beginning and end of the game you'd find no logical connection
58-That's because there is no logical connection
59-Despite magic being a limited resource, most of it is completely useless
60-Even though using magic also lowers your stats. So you'd think there'd be a bigger incentive to use it. But no.
61-The fact that a blade that is also a gun is not used as a projectile/melee hybrid, but to make your sword explode when you hit someone
62-Renting a car
63-In the time it took for me to do the grinding necessary to set up the card game and get the right cards, GF abilities and a good stock of magic, I made it to Junon in FF7, and nearly beat disk 1 of FF9
64-You can't name your party members
65-Seifer's reasons for joining the bad guys are flimsy and not really touche don that much
66-I know I already touched on this, but Squall's sheer unlikability as well as status as most boring FF protagonist since the Warrior of Light in FF1 bears repeating
67-Seriously, you know you've done something horribly wrong when the Kingdom Hearts version of your character is an improvement
68-I know this isn't the game's fault, but have you seen the fan theories for this game?
69-Actually I guess it is the game's fault since people HAD to wrote awful fanfiction about ti just to justify the plot
70-Time Kompression
71-Time Compression
72-the monsters are from THE MOOOON
73-How is Griever relevant? What's that? It's not?
74-Oh wait, I'm sorry, it's symbolic of how Squall likes Lions a lot
75-Squall liking lions a lot gives the final boss ultimate power
76-I'll be "waiting" for you
77-Everybody LOVE AND PEACE
78-it's not ff9
79-it's not ff7
80-it's not ff6
81-it's not crystal chronicles
82-it's not mystic quest
83-it's not bravely default
84-it's not ff5
85-it's not all the bravest
86-it's not crisis core
87-it's not the after years
88-the ending
and that's why objectively and factually FFVIII is the worst video game ever made
possibly the worst thing to ever happen, who knows